I am Ms. Claus.
Note the Ms. not the Mrs.?
Santa is my twin brother…not sure how the married rumor got started, eeew!...but he runs the North Pole except for that one most magical night of the year: Christmas Eve. When Santa is away, the elves will play. With me, if they’re lucky enough to be picked from my List.
Please, no nice elves need apply. Because I really want to find out how naughty you can be!
With a whistle, Nick shouted out, “Now, Dasher! Now, Dancer!”
Those weren’t the names of these particular reindeer, of course, but the call had become tradition. The elves and I joined in with the chant, too.
“Now, Prancer, and Vixen! On, Comet! On, Cupid! On, Donner and Blitzen!” Laughing, I looked down at Donna. Her face had flushed with excitement and cold.
Okay, I know it was cheesy, but hey. It was Christmas. If you couldn’t be cheesy at Christmas, when could you be?
Magic sparks in red, green, and silver blasted from the back end of the sleigh, the release of magic, which made it fly. Another resounding cheer went up. I had to wonder if it was just the excitement of a year’s hard work being done and the joy of Christmas, or the show about to go down tonight, which had everyone so worked up.
The reindeer started to run in place above the ground as if they were on a treadmill, their hooves gaining speed. They might be awful creatures, but the sight they made was spectacular.
Nick raised his right arm and dropped it.
“Merry Christmas to all!!!”
On that command, the snarling beasts lunged forward faster than I had ever seen a reindeer move. All shouts and well-wishes were lost in a loud explosion, like blast of hot air from a gasoline-drenched pile of wood ignited by a firecracker. A rush of heat blew my hair back and the sleigh, our grandmother’s modified magical chariot, rose in the air. The jingle of bells and cheers were lost in the power of the vehicle.
Then my brother and his sleigh disappeared in a flurry of sparkles and heat.
It took a moment for the oxygen to sneak back into my lungs and I patted my face to be sure my eyebrows hadn’t been singed off.
“Dramatic much?” Donna whispered.
I sniffed in agreement. “You know Nicky.”
The two elves manning the entrance pulled the levers back. The doors slowly closed. When the last cog locked into place, shutting out the cold air and the last sight of the sparking comet trail of the sleigh, the launch chamber fell silent.
All eyes went to me.
Donna stepped back, as did those nearby.
I did a slow, dramatic turn, clutching the front of my cloak. I smiled at all of my people, two forgotten races of elves who vowed to keep me and my brother company for all eternity.
I slowly strutted into the space Nick had recently vacated with his sleigh, hesitating before I spoke, to allow Donna ample time to maximize impact.
Stopping, I faced the largest collection of eager elves, all of them atwitter with anticipation. The light faces, the dark ones, the black eyes and the green, all locked on me, holding their breath in anticipation of my next words. Smiling at my people, I knew what they needed. Sure, Nick cared for all their needs, gave them a purpose with which to devote our eternity. But only I knew what they craved.
Then, very dramatically, I dropped my cloak, revealing the skin-tight, red velvet halter top and too-short mini. I raised my arms in the air and let out a delighted squeal, finishing up Nick’s cry—
“And to all a good night!”