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Sucks to Be You

Author(s): Sahara Kelly

The world of eighteenth century Transylvania is kind to vampires. (Or Immortals as they prefer to be called.) Food is plentiful, women are willing, and it's all fun and frolic if you're a neck-biting, blood-sucking dynamo in bed. Dragomir Aleksander Falcau fits all the criteria, and enjoys the hell out of his life until…

Toni Hansen is spending a few days with a friend who has an urge to create something unique. Ancient mead recipes and Twinkies are most definitely going to be involved, along with some of those pink, coconut-covered puffy cakes. Unfortunately, a scrying bowl and an ancient chant are also accidentally included in the evening's entertainment.

Drago is "summoned" from his slumber into Toni's buzzed fantasies. And for one confused eighteenth-century Immortal and one seriously smashed twenty-first century woman, things go from bed to worse…

Praise for Sucks to Be You

"Sahara Kelly entertains us with a bawdy tale of a bewildered immortal who is summoned to the present by a very drunken, modern woman. With snappy one-liners, Toni is no one's idea of a proper lady, and I loved it. She's a very refreshing change from the more common simpering young misses."

-- Five Roses from Jodi, A Romance Review

"The first chapter to the last is utterly delightful. I love how this book changes the ending that most vampire meet mortal stories end. And the reason this happens is so unique and clever that it will always stay in my memory. What captured my heart most about this story is how these two characters fall in love and know they are soul mates. In order to not give away the story I have to be very ambiguous and say that the ending will get your emotions revving for these two and their want and need for a happy ending becomes your want and need."
-- Marina, Cupid's Library Reviews


Sucks to Be You
Sahara Kelly
All rights reserved.
Copyright ©2014 by Sahara Kelly
Second Edition
An Authorized Excerpt

This e-book file contains sexually explicit scenes and adult language which some may find offensive and which is not appropriate for a young audience. Changeling Press E-Books are for sale to adults, only, as defined by the laws of the country in which you made your purchase. Please store your files wisely, where they cannot be accessed by under-aged readers.


"Oooh, Drago, oooh…ahhh…"

The sighs of the woman beneath him made Dragomir Aleksander Falcau preen. Once again, his legendary skills had satisfied a lover, rendering her nearly insensate amidst the rumpled sheets.

The candles were burning low. The hours had passed most pleasantly -- Drago almost regretted what he had to do next.

But he was hungry. It was time to feed.

And his feeding would erase almost all of the memories of their night together. Of course, this woman would boast of her night in his bed. They all did. But the details would be hazy and her recollections dim.

Drago sighed. It had all to do with him being a unique creature. An immortal whose need for blood was part and parcel of his survival. A vampire, to use the rather distasteful expression commonly ascribed to his kind.

Certainly the feeding part of his night was not unpleasant.

A slight pop, the gush of blood across his tongue and, if he was lucky, a rather nice ejaculation. He always seemed to have enough come left to come again.

As it were. Or something…

He made a mental note to himself to cut back on the amount of wine he drank prior to fucking and feeding. It didn't take much to muddle an immortal's thought processes. And his were getting muddled.

He tenderly leaned over the woman, kissing her, stroking her, watching her body tremble beneath his hands.

He poised his hardened cock between her thighs once more, brushing her hair away from her neck in a smooth move that made her shudder.

"Ooooooh, Drago…"

Hmm… She wasn't a great conversationalist. Still, all things considered, her conversation wasn't why he'd seduced her.

This was. He thrust deep, burying his cock in her wet cunt. As he did so, he leaned over, letting his weight rest on her and licking her neck. He paid particular attention to the vein that pulsed with the hot blood he'd roused inside her -- the pulse that now thrummed in his ears as his own blood hunger rose.


Drago's incisors lengthened into sharp fangs and his hips thrust deep into her body. She moaned, but welcomed him, her arms limply reaching for him even while she gasped for breath.

Any second now… His spine tingled, his lips parted and his salivary glands went into overtime at the smell of sex, woman, heat and blood. He could have sworn his stomach rumbled too.

With balls as hard as granite between his legs, and a cock that threatened to explode, Drago pounded into her cunt. At the very last second -- he bit her.

His teeth penetrated the soft skin, sinking deep into the tempting veins and flesh, arousing his fierce appetite.

The blood came. And so did he.

The whirlwind of feeding and fucking swept him up in its embrace, sending a red haze across his vision. Flames of heat consumed his body and if possible, he would have cried out at the pleasure of it. But, being a polite and well brought up immortal, he never spoke with his mouth full.

He drank his fill, the rich liquid filling his body while his come filled hers. It was a mutual exchange. After a fashion. At least that was how he liked to think of it.

The fact that his snack had lost consciousness at the first nip of his fangs wasn't really something he liked to dwell on. He preferred they assume his lovemaking rendered them insensate. Much better for his reputation.

Replete, he rolled off his… for want of a better word… food, and sighed. Life, in these modern times, was good. Vampires got to fuck, feed and have fun. Yes, indeed. The eighteenth century was a damn fine time to be immortal. Of course, the seventeenth hadn't been too bad either, provided one knew enough to keep away from some nasty diseases that had been going around.

His gaze wandered absently around the delightful room he'd been given at the inn, finally returning to the maid who'd given so much more than she'd realized. She was snoring.

He wrinkled his nose. And blinked.

A strange fog began to cloud his vision… his ears started to ring a bit… and he had a rather strong urge to piss.

Dragomir Aleksander Falcau, immortal vampire, a minor Margrave in the part of Europe known to all as Transylvania, did something completely out of character.

He farted.

And then vanished.

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ISBN (Print):
ISBN (Electronic): 00102-00044
Genre: Erotic Romance
Date Published: 02/04/2014
Publisher: Changeling Press

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