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Polanski Brothers: Home of Eternal Rest

Author(s): Dakota Cassidy

Welcome to Polanski Brothers: Home of Eternal Rest...where the dead aren't really dead and necking has a whole new meaning. Who would have thought owning a funeral parlor could be so much fun?

Joy is a vampire who works in the family-owned funeral parlor, and she's got a bit of a problem. Detective Larkin McBride is Joy's problem and it isn't just because he's big and hot. Well, that doesn't help matters, but it's because curiously, he can read Joy's every thought. So what will Larkin do when Joy's thinking about all these dead bodies showing up and the possibility that they were murdered?

So won't you come plan your walk through eternity with us? All forms of payment welcome. Visa, MasterCard, American Express, but A-B negative and O positive preferred...

Publisher's Note: Second Edition -- Polanski Brothers: Home of Eternal Rest was first released by Changeling Press in 2005.

Praise for Polanski Brothers: Home of Eternal Rest

"I loved the story, the hot sex, the quirkiness of Joy, and her smart mouth."
-- Alberta, Manic Readers

"This exceptional book will charm you and leave you wanting more."
-- Tewanda, Fallen Angel Reviews

"An entertaining and hilarious story. The characters' relationship is HOT as well as STEAMY. Ms. Cassidy does an excellent job of keeping the laughter bubbling as well as the reader in a steamy state."
-- Renata Bayern, The Romance Studio

"Hysterically funny and erotic. Ms. Cassidy has outdone herself with a family of vampires who have certain afflictions. I love, love, loved The Polanski Brothers: Home of Eternal Rest and can't wait to read the next installment."
-- Barb Hicks, Sensual Romance


The Polanski Brothers: Home of Eternal Rest
Dakota Cassidy
All rights reserved.
Copyright ©2013 by Dakota Cassidy
An Authorized Excerpt

This e-book file contains sexually explicit scenes and adult language which some may find offensive and which is not appropriate for a young audience. Changeling Press E-Books are for sale to adults, only, as defined by the laws of the country in which you made your purchase. Please store your files wisely, where they cannot be accessed by under-aged readers.

Oh… wow.

A very tall, rather Redwood tree-like man gazed down at her, his gray-blue eyes intent. "I said no, you're not like a bull in a china shop."

Had she said that out loud? No, she hadn't said anything.

"Yes, you did," he insisted. His gaze darkened and his grip on her arm tightened.

"No, I didn't." Now back the fuck off Neanderthal man… or I'll use my mighty vampire resources and kick your Redwood ass.

His hard jaw clenched and Joy watched in fascination as the muscles tensed, rippling under his skin. "I am not a Neanderthal," he muttered indignantly. "And I'd like to see you try." He shook his dark brown head, obviously as confused as she was.

Joy squirmed out of his grip and brushed at her suit to straighten it. This was officially a "what the fuck" moment and she wanted out. "If you'll excuse me, I have things to take care of."

He didn't move. The solid wall of his body remained firmly rooted in front of her. "Did you say vampire?" His deep voice raised an octave and his eyes darkened.

No again. She hadn't said a word. Okay, he was freakin' her out. Was he a vamp? Hah! As if she'd be able to tell with her bum nose anyway. "I haven't a clue what you're talking about, Mr. --"

"McBride. Detective Larkin McBride and yes you do. You just wondered if I was a vampire too."

Holy, Amazing Creskin! He was… he was reading her mind.


"He's a mind reader," Joy offered stupidly, because really, why not help out the man who was reading her thoughts to read them properly? "You know," she explained, "the guy who says he can read people's minds?"

"Um, no. I don't know who he is. What the hell is going on here anyway, Ms. --"

"Polanski. Joy, and I don't know what you're talking about, but I have people to see to, so if you'll excuse me…"

"You did say vampire, or think it, or whatever the hell I heard -- it was clear as day."

"Well, that's just silly, Detective. Vampires aren't real. What kind of a detective believes in vampires?" she mocked him.

He narrowed his thickly fringed eyes. "The kind that knows when someone is yanking his crank."

As if you'd ever be so lucky as to have me yank said crank… Fuck! No thinking, Joy.

"You know what I mean, lady."

Joy gave him her best bewildered look and smiled innocently. "No, Mr. McBride, I have no idea what you mean, but I do have a job to do. Now, move." Joy kept a tight rein on her musings. "Please," she said as an afterthought.

Detective Larkin McBride stepped out of her way, scowling at her. Joy swept past him, feeling the hot gaze of his stare on her back as she pushed through the crowd.

"Are you all right?"

Joy skidded to a halt as the second hand in the course of a day grabbed her arm. Her gaze wandered up the arm attached to the hand and she found a very pleasant face smiling down at her. Kind of pretty -- certainly not like the gruff detective. He was lean and blond -- most definitely not like the detective. He smiled at Joy, encouraging her to answer.

"I'm fine, thanks, really," she replied, oddly mesmerized by his nose.

His very pretty nostrils flared. "Was he bothering you?" he asked as his nose twitched.

Joy removed her arm from his light grip. "Who?"

"That man that's staring at us. The big one." He nodded his head in Larkin McBride's direction.

"No," she shook her head. Not anymore anyway. "No, everything is fine. Can I help you with something?"

His lean face split into a cool smile. "No, not yet."

Um, okay. She'd had enough of bizarre encounters for tonight. "Well, then if you'll excuse me," she said tentatively.

He leaned forward just a bit and took a deep breath, then motioned for her to pass. "Of course," he said regally and Joy took the opportunity to skedaddle.

She headed for the bathroom on shaky legs, forgetting the blond guy and shivering over the detective.

Detective? Larkin McBride. An Irish detective. How cliché.

"I heard that!" the gravelly voice said right behind her, following her down the hall and into her private offices.


"Yeah, shit," he responded sarcastically to her thought. "Now why don't we go sit down and figure this out." He wasn't asking -- his tone of voice suggested he was demanding.

Joy stopped at the door to her office and turned to face him. His nostrils were flared and his squared jaw was set with determination. "There isn't anything to figure out, Detective. You're obviously losing your marbles." So go clean up the scattered remains and leave me alone!

"If I were a weaker man, I might be offended by that statement. You aren't the first to tell me I'm a little left of center. How about you shoot for original?"

Joy took a deep breath and tried to clear her mind of all the excess stuff that was obviously hanging around just waiting to be "heard" by the detective. Backing up against her office door, Joy gripped the doorknob. "Okay… original. How does, go the fuck away strike you?" She was never rude to a patron at Polanski Brother's, but her temper was notoriously short and if the detective found out they really were vampires… it could be very bad for business. Might even get ugly. People would start showing up with crosses and garlic necklaces just like they had in the last town.

So Dark Ages.

His laughter was deep and rich as it erupted from his throat. "It strikes me as exceptionally rude for a funeral parlor hostess -- or whatever you are. I'm grieving, shouldn't that concern you?"

Tilting her head up to eyeball him, Joy sucked in another breath. "I'm not a funeral parlor hostess. I'm an embalmer. I suck blood out of bodies and stitch them back up. Do you still wanna play now?" she dared him. "Oh, and sorry for your loss," she said dryly.

"Well, if there's any truth to your thoughts, that's exactly what you do. Suck blood out of bodies that is."

How utterly last century. Shit and shit again!

Larkin crossed his arms over his chest and smirked. "So let's go into your office and sit down. Maybe then you can explain why I can read your thoughts."

"Look, Detective. I have nothing to explain. Vampires are for people who watch too much television. I'd highly recommend you spend less time channel surfing and more time putting your detective skills to good use elsewhere." Asshole. Joy groaned. Dammit!

He was no longer smiling smugly. His eyes grew dark and his nostrils did that flaring thing again. Joy would bet he had a fantastic sense of smell.

"As a matter of fact I do, and I'm not an asshole, but I can be…" he let his words trail off as he reached behind her and opened her office door. Taking her by the elbow he led her into her office and pointed to a chair.

Joy flopped down in the one behind her desk and sucked in her cheeks, fighting to keep her mind blank. She'd "think" later.

Sitting in the chair facing her desk Larkin leaned forward, placing his elbows on the smooth mahogany. His blue-grey eyes intense and probing. "So?"

"So what?"

"So what is this vampire business about?"

"Look, what are you, Baretta?"


Okay, so he didn't watch TV. "The cop on TV, remember? He had a bird?" Joy watched as his face remained blank. "Forget it. You're looking for shadows that don't exist. There are no vampires here."

"I know what I heard, Ms. Polanski," he said firmly. "You won't admit it, but I heard you think the word vampire."

"Maybe that's because you're just like one, Detective. Right now you're sucking the life out of me."

"No, that's not it. You distinctly asked yourself if I was another vampire. What would make you draw that conclusion?"

Joy tried to remain calm. She shrugged her shoulders nonchalantly. "Just idle ramblings, I suppose."

The corner of his mouth turned upward. "So you admit that I did read your thoughts?"

Joy shook her head stubbornly because what choice did she really have? "No. I'm just going to play nice with you because you're a whack-job and my life could be in danger. How do I even know you're a cop? Maybe you're some deranged lunatic?"

His wide hand dug in the pocket on the inside of his jacket. "Want me to show you my shiny badge?"

Want me to show you my shiny fangs? Oh! Fuck, fuck, fuck.

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ISBN (Print):
ISBN (Electronic): 00487-00140
Genre: Erotic Romance
Date Published: 11/20/2013
Publisher: Changeling Press

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