“Redneck” just got a whole new meaning.
Living in Hickville with a pervert step-dad and a drug addict mom, her life pretty much sucked. Then he came along with his cute fangs, his hot bod’ and his confession about being “drawn” to her. Suddenly, everything “sucked” in a much cooler way. Why was he nervous around certain people and why did her creepy step-dad act even creepier? It all sounded like some bad novel—but soon she would discover that vampire romance in real life is a lot “trashier”, a lot bloodier, and a hell of a lot more fun.
I think that’s important because Kylie was definitely right about one thing, that other book is mostly bullshit and so are the movies. I’m not knocking them or anything. It’s a nice fantasy but I’m telling you straight up, it is a fantasy! Having a bloodsucker boyfriend and hanging out with his fam’ is way different in real life than in Bella’s world of sparkly bodies and buff werewolf boys running around in their tight little capris or whatever the fuck they’re supposed to be. And I mean waaaay different, so if you’re, like, twelve-years old and expecting some sappy-ass romance here, you should put this shit down right now, kid. Go back to your new issue of Bop or whatever.
If you’ve been around a little and know that real life mostly sucks—way more than vampires even—LOL!—then turn up the lights and hold the fuck on.