View Full Version : Her Brother's Keeper

Amy Gallow
January 17th, 2010, 08:27 PM
I am in the final rewriting stage and this paragraph bothers me a little, even if I am reluctant to discard it.
To set the scene, the heroine has woken in their shared bed to find herself alone and has a moment of terror when she believes it has been only a dream. She calls his name aloud and he emerges from the bathroom naked...

"Their first morning he’d been up and dressed before waking her with a cup of tea, so this was the first time she’d seen him naked in the full light of day and he was sleekly magnificent. Lightly tanned skin cherished supple muscles flexing smoothly as he moved into the room, but her eyes grew large at the metamorphosis of dangling appendage to eager erectness—something she’d never watched with Tony. An incipient giggle of embarrassment died as her need rose tsunami-like, not from the visual feast, but from the shock wave of her terror she’d only dreamed this happiness, and she flung herself at him."

Did you enjoy it? It amused me, but I wonder if others would have the same reaction.

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