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Amber Grosjean
March 11th, 2010, 01:12 PM
If you're following the lessons and are participating in the assignments or made up some of your own, please share them here.

In the title, state which assignment you're doing and then leave your message in the box.

I look forward in hearing your version of the assignments. Every learns differently so I'm sure everyone will have different assignments. Thank you for your participation and good luck in your writing! If you only give 100%, your stories will flourish!


Amber

CharmedGirl
March 11th, 2010, 08:25 PM
Week 2 Assignment: Producing a two person conversation and adding a third character to the same conversation midway.

Allison Bradbury nodded towards the long formica table flooded with gifts and asked her best friend, Karla, the question she'd been curious to know the answer to. "So, what did you end up buying Nikki for her birthday?"

Waggling her dark brows and tossing Ally a devilish grin, Karla replied with her thick southern accent, "Well now that's for me to know and you to find out. But trust me, it's a present she'll never forget."

"God Karla, you're such a tease. Just tell me." Allison pleaded, even though Karla had no reason to trust her with such a secret after Nikki's last birthday when she'd blabbed that they'd planned her a surprise party.

"Forget it, Ally Cat. There's no way she'll tell you after the debacle you caused with Nikki's last birthday."

Allison poked her tongue at her younger sister, Dana, who'd been the one to remind her of the disaster she'd created because of her big mouth.

Then Darla spoke again in a conspiratorial whisper "Besides, don't worry I'm sure Karla bought something real good like a gigolo for the weekend since Nikki hasn't been getting any action except maybe from her sex toys."

Together, the three women shared a laugh before raising their glasses and clinking them simultaneously, joining in the celebration and wishing their friend a happy birthday.

Amber Grosjean
March 11th, 2010, 09:12 PM
Ok, CharmedGirl. This is a good piece for others to learn from. You actually did a good job here. Your sentences are a little too long there though.



Week 2 Assignment: Producing a two person conversation and adding a third character to the same conversation midway.

Allison Bradbury nodded towards the long formica table flooded with gifts and asked her best friend, Karla, the question she'd been curious to know the answer to. "So, what did you end up buying Nikki for her birthday?"

the part in blue could be eliminated.

Waggling her dark brows and tossing Ally a devilish grin, Karla replied with her thick southern accent, "Well now that's for me to know and you to find out. But trust me, it's a present she'll never forget."

the part in the light blue should be said first since she's responding to the question. Then you could say....Karla waggled her dark bows and tossed Ally a devilish grin. She spoke with a deep southern accent.......and you could add a little more there.

"God Karla, you're such a tease. Just tell me." Allison pleaded, even though Karla had no reason to trust her with such a secret after Nikki's last birthday when she'd blabbed that they'd planned her a surprise party.

"Forget it, Ally Cat. There's no way she'll tell you after the debacle you caused with Nikki's last birthday."

Allison poked her tongue at her younger sister, Dana, who'd been the one to remind her of the disaster she'd created because of her big mouth.

Then Darla spoke again in a conspiratorial whisper "Besides, don't worry I'm sure Karla bought something real good like a gigolo for the weekend since Nikki hasn't been getting any action except maybe from her sex toys."

Together, the three women shared a laugh before raising their glasses and clinking them simultaneously, joining in the celebration and wishing their friend a happy birthday.

Now was Darla already in the room or did she walk in during the conversation. Either way, you should mention that. But other than those things, you did very well.

Amber

CharmedGirl
March 11th, 2010, 09:15 PM
Thanks for the feedback Amber. It's great learning where I'm going wrong when I'm writing.

Amber Grosjean
March 15th, 2010, 12:58 AM
Thank you, CharmedGirl. Always remember this--you're always going to be at the learning stage of writing. No one knows everything. Even Stephen King is learning lol. I know that doesn't sound possible but there is always something out there that will help you improve. Each story you write will be better than the last one if you're continuously learning.

As humans, we're not perfect. Keep that in mind as you write. Don't push yourself to be perfect. Just do the best you can and strive to be better. What you don't pick up here, you can learn on the Net and through reading.


Amber

CharmedGirl
March 15th, 2010, 11:05 PM
I read a lot, so I'm constantly picking up things through that.

Amber Grosjean
March 16th, 2010, 10:17 AM
And that's good. As writers we should read the type of books that we want to write. So if you write romance, read romance by several different authors. The same goes for all the other genres. If you're like me and you write many genres, mix it up in your reading assignments. Try those books that have more than one genre like Fantasy-Romance or Mystery-Romance so you get an understanding how they fuse the two genres together.


Amber

CharmedGirl
March 16th, 2010, 06:33 PM
Fusing two genres together sounds like fun. Paranormal Romance novels are an absolute favourite of mine.

Amber Grosjean
March 17th, 2010, 08:22 AM
That's cool. Are they something you'd like to write? I have a little paranormal romance in my book but I have it under the horror genre. They aren't common genres to combine but I think it worked well for that book (Cursed Blood).

It wouldn't work for every book so you really have to make sure your genre fits the book itself. Sometimes, the genre is the last thing you figure out. Letting the book be what it wants to be can be important. That's what I do for all my books.

That book in particular came from a nightmare I had a couple years before it was written. It turned out being therapy for me. I knew it would be horror before I began writing it and the romance part of it was sort of an accident. Sometimes writers do that and sometimes they are planned.


Amber

Gwyn Lacy
March 18th, 2010, 09:15 PM
:sweatdrop: Hey thanks both of you. I'm going to go back and review and see what I can post. The break down on the paragraphs really helped.
Ok, CharmedGirl. This is a good piece for others to learn from. You actually did a good job here. Your sentences are a little too long there though.



Week 2 Assignment: Producing a two person conversation and adding a third character to the same conversation midway.

Allison Bradbury nodded towards the long formica table flooded with gifts and asked her best friend, Karla, the question she'd been curious to know the answer to. "So, what did you end up buying Nikki for her birthday?"

the part in blue could be eliminated.

Waggling her dark brows and tossing Ally a devilish grin, Karla replied with her thick southern accent, "Well now that's for me to know and you to find out. But trust me, it's a present she'll never forget."

the part in the light blue should be said first since she's responding to the question. Then you could say....Karla waggled her dark bows and tossed Ally a devilish grin. She spoke with a deep southern accent.......and you could add a little more there.

"God Karla, you're such a tease. Just tell me." Allison pleaded, even though Karla had no reason to trust her with such a secret after Nikki's last birthday when she'd blabbed that they'd planned her a surprise party.

"Forget it, Ally Cat. There's no way she'll tell you after the debacle you caused with Nikki's last birthday."

Allison poked her tongue at her younger sister, Dana, who'd been the one to remind her of the disaster she'd created because of her big mouth.

Then Darla spoke again in a conspiratorial whisper "Besides, don't worry I'm sure Karla bought something real good like a gigolo for the weekend since Nikki hasn't been getting any action except maybe from her sex toys."

Together, the three women shared a laugh before raising their glasses and clinking them simultaneously, joining in the celebration and wishing their friend a happy birthday.

Now was Darla already in the room or did she walk in during the conversation. Either way, you should mention that. But other than those things, you did very well.

Amber

Amber Grosjean
March 18th, 2010, 09:18 PM
I can't wait to see what you come up, Gwyn.


Amber

Gwyn Lacy
March 19th, 2010, 12:01 AM
:dizzy:Sorry Amber, I couldn't get the word count down. This is the second lesson, third person midway.
Bethany Moore pushed through the double glass doors of the Goodwill Psychiatric Hospital in Wood Bee, Arizona, and stood at the reception window. A grey-haired nurse in the traditional white hat and white dress slid open the glass. “Can I help you?”<O:p></O:p>
“Yes. I’m Doctor Bethany Moore, Forensic Psychologist ordered by Judge Robert Jody to evaluate Lilly Otts.”<O:p></O:p>
The nurse looked at a clipboard. “Can I see your I.D., please?”<O:p></O:p>
“Of Course.” Bethany nodded, her lips pressed tight together. She opened the outside pocket of her briefcase and retrieved her Arizona state Employee badge and her driver’s license and placed it in the nurse’s outstretched palm. She anticipated the nurse would have some kind of reaction once she looked at the identification. The way to handle startled people was to be calm. She leveled her chin, and inconspicuously adjusted the nape of her black wig and pushed the black rimmed fake-spectacles on her nose.<O:p></O:p>
The nurse’s eyes widened as she looked from the I.D. to the female version of Clark Kent that stood in front of her window. “Girl, What did you do to your hair? Oh, my,” she said, shaking her grey head side to side slowly. “Young lady, I don’t know who your stylist is—but, she ought to be shot for cutting off all that long red hair and dying it black!” The older nurse looked pained and handed the I.D.’s back to Bethany Moore. “You should at least wear your contacts like you did in the I.D. photos. Those thick lenses don’t do anything for your eyes.”<O:p></O:p>
Bethany Moore forced a curt smile and nod. “I’ll take that into consideration.” She stepped toward the locked door that allowed access to the patients and monitored who left the Psychiatric Hospital. The nurse reached out in front of her and a buzzing sound emitted from the door. Bethany turned the door knob. The nurse stuck her head out the reception window. “Straight down that hallway. Last door on the right. There is a Detective Chavez waiting in the treatment room. They’ll bring down Miss Lilly Otts when the detective says so.”<O:p></O:p>
Bethany smiled at the nurse. “Thank you, but I believe I was to evaluate Miss Lilly Otts alone?”<O:p></O:p>
The older nurse shook her head. “All I know is Mayor Anita Lobar called and said that Detective Chavez had been assigned to you during your evaluation. You want to call the mayor?”<O:p></O:p>
Bethany raised her eyebrows and pressed her lips tightly together. No, she did not want to have to pass the mayor’s scrutiny as well as the nurse. She shook her head “no.” She pivoted on her heels and made a determined stride down the hallway, the click of her heels on the tile floor striking like the keys on a typewriter. She stopped in front of the last door on her right. She smoothed her skirt and raised her chin before she turned the door knob and entered the cozy looking office. <O:p></O:p>
On the couch a handsome Latino man in a suite was sprawled out on his back sleeping. He was gorgeous; she had to admit to her dismay. She sat her brief case down. She crossed her arms across her chest as she looked upon the sleeping, hard bodied, Latino god. She sighed and rolled her eyes. He’s probably single, heterosexual and horny—everything my sex therapist said to keep my distance from. She clenched her fists and gritted her teeth. “Two more weeks and I will have completed my six-month therapeutic sabbatical from sex.” She tossed her head back in anticipation. Closing her eyes and savoring the thought. Then I can let my hair down and jump any buff Latino I want to.<O:p></O:p>
Jason Chaves peeked through barely raised, dark lashes at the dark haired woman in the dress-suite. She looked pissed… or maybe praying. He couldn’t say much for her hairstyle and he couldn’t really see her face with those big glasses on,… but the woman had curves. He grinned and sat up. Maybe she was lonely. He could help with that. He stood up and extended his hand. <O:p></O:p>
Bethany startled at the sleeping man’s sudden movement. She took his hand in a firm grip and looked straight into the sultry eyes lined with dark lashes. It looked as if the light glinted off his straight, toothy smile. “Dr. Bethany Moore, Forensic Psychologist,” she forced her voice to be the right professional pace and pitch. “And you are?”<O:p></O:p>
“Chief Detective, Sergeant Jason Chavez of Crooked Run County, Arizona.” His smooth, masculine voice caressed Bethany’s ears and his accent looped around her insides, falling, till it lit at the juncture between her legs and began to pulse to a sexy samba. She swallowed and parted her lips as a slight waft of cologne pleasured her nostrils. Bethany literally felt her knees grow week and she reached for the arm of the opposite upholstered chair and plopped down. This Lilly Otts investigation was going to be sexual-frustration hell if she had to spend much time with Chief Detective, Sergeant Jason Chavez. <O:p></O:p>
The detective’s brows furrowed. “I’m gonna get you a cold drink, Dr. Moore. You’re face is a little flushed. Did your air conditioning go out in your car in this heat?”<O:p></O:p>
Bethany shook her head. “I probably just sat too long in my car reviewing this case.” She nodded. “It did get a little hot.”<O:p></O:p>
Detective Jason Chavez flashed a sexy grin. “The nurses have ice and water. I will be right back and we’ll get you cooled down.”<O:p></O:p>
Bethany smiled and nodded as she watched him turn and with a little, sexy swagger, crossed the treatment room floor and out into the hall. He shut the door and Bethany dropped her head into her hands. “Ice and water isn’t going to cool me off, Detective Chavez. And if I’m going to stay to my treatment for sexual addictions—you can’t cool me off either—at least for two more weeks.”<O:p></O:p>

Amber Grosjean
March 19th, 2010, 12:32 AM
The word count is fine. The format could've been a little better but it was all right. I know if you use wordpad that comes with the computer, you can make its format better for things like this. Its a hassle at times though lol.

The POV here is through Moore, the nurse with black hair. And its works in this piece. Telling the story in 3rd person also works in this piece. I felt like I was in the nurses room, listening to the conversation lol. And that's good. You may want to tighten it just a bit but I think it was really good.

You also did a great job introducing the next character into the story there. By having the main character walking into the room to get there is believable because he's already in the room waiting for her. Great job.


Amber

Gwyn Lacy
March 19th, 2010, 04:11 PM
Thank you for the encouraging words. As I re-read the scene I saw another mistake I made.:tequila: When Detective Jason Chavez introduces himself to forensic psychologist, Bethany Moore, he shoud have said. "Chief Detective, Sergeant Jason Chavez of Crooked Run County, Arizona, Sheriff's Department."

States and law enforcement is different in every city, county and jurisdiction in the USA. I needed to set that up correctly from the beginning. Everytime I reread, I find something to fix. Going to have a hard time making my word count this month!

Gwyn Lacy
March 19th, 2010, 04:16 PM
Just a quick request if anyone has time, I'm needing friends on Coffee Time Romance--If you haven't would you "friend" me? LOL Anyone going to a convention?

Amber Grosjean
March 19th, 2010, 04:20 PM
Gwyn, I am the same way lol. And then when I make corrections and go back after, I find mistakes in the corrections lol. It does get frustrating but its so worth it in the end when a publisher says, "I wouldn't change a thing!" or just, "You're story is approved for publication." Either way, you've won the battle and the feeling can't be taken away!


Are you writing through, Namo or is this your personal goal? Setting up a goal is great because it encourages you to write. I do recommend it but don't set it so high you can't achieve it. Remember, you're only human.

Amber

Gwyn Lacy
March 20th, 2010, 09:12 PM
Amber,
I thought the goal was to write a 60K novel this month!? Whoo hoo! Tell Kareene we should have a "word count goal accountability and support group"-*grin*. I've been working my butt off--but hey, I may just meet my original deadline-lol. :whistle: *hugs and grins*

Amber Grosjean
March 20th, 2010, 09:25 PM
Oh, I'm sorry lol. That's good if you're making a deadline like that. I'm just getting the basics. That way you're all prepared for that part of the writing. I have a few friends who have always wanted to write a novel but didn't know where to start or how to do it which is what got me thinking about this seminar. With the knowledge, any writer can write a full novel within 30 days. I've done it in less time (way less).

In fact, my first book published was written in about a couple weeks but I had a lot of time on my hands too lol. It is the same book that gives an example of why editing is so important. I plan on rewriting that book and publishing it elsewhere as a second edition (or join it with its sequel, not sure yet).


Amber