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MM Pollard
August 5th, 2012, 07:46 PM
Please post your homework and questions here. MM

madcapmaggie
August 5th, 2012, 11:09 PM
Please post your homework and questions here. MM

.. but, damn, I know those chapters so well it still made sense. Also it was very clean (which is a good thing), so here are ten sentences:





"As Raketh here pointed out, the Federation Space Force High Command has known of the supposed breach of the comp net on Aleyne for the past four years, yet no one charged Brad until now.







"I've spoken to friends of mine who are members of the Neo-Con party.







"Senator Nakai, what will happen to the Neo-Con party, and the government itself, now that Senator Manning is dead?" Jozi asked.





"I believe I can arrange for some help on the Aleyni side in obtaining facilities and lodgings and the like for the research team."









Jozi nodded and Nidrani reached for the letter, which fluttered in the light breeze, and started to read.







"I suppose the Federation didn't want to get involved in any kind of an investigation at this point."



But you didn't come her to discuss the political implications of our low fertility.



In any case, I've mentored enough young men to last a lifetime.”



No one, yet, had put forth a valid reason for not having another child.



How am I supposed to sell lemon tarts if I can't import any lemons?"

kalinya
August 6th, 2012, 02:17 AM
Ooops! Apologies MM. Posted homework in wrong thread. Here it is.

MM - My ten sentences with apostrophes or missing inflections (non-consecutive) are as follows. I'd like to say I'm patting myself on the back, but I think I'll wait... just in case. :)

"And how the hell can you know that?" Jett was loath to tell the woman what her nephew was like when it came to women, but if that's what it took to get Jenni away from the bastard, then that's what he'd do! </SPAN></SPAN>

"It's not your fault" he grated, privately wishing she would turn away so he couldn't see the sad droop to her lower lip; the moonlight sheening her eyes.</SPAN></SPAN>

"It's Meg's show and it sounds as though she's got it all planned out with your dad."</SPAN></SPAN>

Craig was instantly aware of the graceful sweep of her shoulders; how delicately formed they'd felt under his hands; how smooth was the stretch of flesh between her shoulderblades; how heavy was the silky curtain of hair that lay like a lover's hand over that flesh. </SPAN></SPAN>

Before he knew it, he was across the room; switching on a standard lamp and rifling through his aunt's CDs.</SPAN></SPAN>

George Bernard Shaw had nailed it when he'd said dancing is a vertical expression of a horizontal desire.</SPAN></SPAN>

He could see her enthusiasm; could see too that there wasn't going to be any leniency shown him by Fate, Karma, or even falling meteorites. </SPAN></SPAN>

"What's wrong?" she asked now. "You're not worried that you don't know the music?"</SPAN></SPAN>

I'm a damaged man - not a bad man, so if you're listening, take pity on me please…

Kalinya</SPAN></SPAN></SPAN>

MM Pollard
August 6th, 2012, 03:42 PM
Margaret, your sentences look great. Yes, it hard to proof what you could recite by memory. MM

MM Pollard
August 6th, 2012, 03:51 PM
Kalinya, my comments are within your assignment. I have issues with your semicolons. Any questions? MM




Ooops! Apologies MM. Posted homework in wrong thread. Here it is.

MM - My ten sentences with apostrophes or missing inflections (non-consecutive) are as follows. I'd like to say I'm patting myself on the back, but I think I'll wait... just in case. :)

"And how the hell can you know that?" Jett was loath to tell the woman what her nephew was like when it came to women, but if that's what it took to get Jenni away from the bastard, then that's what he'd do!

"It's not your fault[,]" he grated, privately wishing she would turn away so he couldn't see the sad droop to her lower lip[;] use comma, the moonlight sheening her eyes.

"It's Meg's show and it sounds as though she's got it all planned out with your dad."

Craig was instantly aware of the graceful sweep of her shoulders; how delicately formed they'd felt under his hands; how smooth was the stretch of flesh between her shoulderblades; how heavy was the silky curtain of hair that lay like a lover's hand over that flesh. [Not sure the semicolons work here. Can you make the dependent clauses into phrases?]

Before he knew it, he was across the room; [no semicolon, use a comma] switching on a standard lamp and rifling through his aunt's CDs.

George Bernard Shaw had nailed it when he'd said dancing is a vertical expression of a horizontal desire.

He could see her enthusiasm; could see too that there wasn't going to be any leniency shown him by Fate, Karma, or even falling meteorites. [having issues with the semicolon. Her enthusiasm and Fate's leniency don't sound related to each other. Describe enthusiasm for what exactly. new sentence -- He could see too.....]

"What's wrong?" she asked now. "You're not worried that you don't know the music?"

I'm a damaged man - not a bad man, so if you're listening, take pity on me please…

Kalinya

dmcomfort
August 6th, 2012, 06:24 PM
Before you start reading THIS part of the MS, let me first say this: Yes, it is a bit weird and yes, it is a romantic suspense with a real perv for a bad guy. LOL

He dropped one hand to his straining erection and rubbed the thong that had been at his nose against the distended member. The other lifted to draw out another piece, repeating the same with it as he had done before.
And so on and so forth, until he laid all the pieces out across the bed in a neat and orderly fashion.
His camera came next, the snapping intonation seeming loud in the darkened silence.
Unable to stand it any longer, he bent and unlaced his heavy boots; let the burdens clunk to the floor without care. He couldn’t get his shirt off fast enough, his eyes feasting on the lingerie spread before him. His hands shook as he unbuttoned his pants, drew the zipper down without pause. He hastily pushed the cargo pants over his hips and did away with the briefs underneath.
Finally, he stood gloriously naked and reached for the first piece.

MM Pollard
August 6th, 2012, 09:59 PM
Comfort, yeah, that's a little strange. The sentences are clear - I found no mistakes in apostrophes or left off inflections. MM

saibot11
August 7th, 2012, 12:09 AM
His masculine scent awakened feeling she’d tried to keep in check.
She accidentally went the wrong way, stepped on Dusty’s left boot, and bumped her shoulder into his chest.
You’re quite charming.
Dusty grasped Elizabeth’s small right hand, looked into her eyes, and placed his right hand just below her shoulder blade.
I’m the envy of every man in this room.
Her uncle’s eyebrows furrowed.
The band's announcer said, "Gentlemen grab you partners.”
“We're about to begin with the Texas Star.”
Dusty’s a good man.
"So far, who's on your dance card?”

Kaye Spencer
August 7th, 2012, 10:30 AM
1. They’d both known the risks going in, but what she hadn’t planned on was falling in love with him.

2. She'd forced her feelings for him into the deepest, loneliest part of her heart with the constant reminder that to him, she was only a job.

3. Since that moment, she’d stoically maintained the double façade of the dutiful wife to a man she loathed while diligently concealing her love for a man she could never have.

4. It hadn't been the first beating she'd endured nor was it the worst.

5. Pain didn’t concern her; it would eventually subside—another lesson she'd learned from Eddie.

6. Her fighting spirit returned with renewed vengeance, and she smiled at the thought of seeing Eddie’s expression when he discovered the real reason she’d tried to run off with his new mechanic.

7. There was no mistaking Floyd Carroll’s deep, raspy voice.

8. He was a big, red-faced, jowly man without imagination, and he always followed Eddie’s instructions to the letter.

9. “Ah, come on, Eddie wouldn’t want her to freeze to death.”

10. "Freezin’ to death’ll be a whole sight better than what Eddie’s got planned for her.”

MM Pollard
August 7th, 2012, 12:25 PM
Jeanne, the only correction is a comma after Gentlemen in #7. Gentlemen is a noun of direct address. Your apostrophes are perfect. MM



His masculine scent awakened feeling she’d tried to keep in check.
She accidentally went the wrong way, stepped on Dusty’s left boot, and bumped her shoulder into his chest.
You’re quite charming.
Dusty grasped Elizabeth’s small right hand, looked into her eyes, and placed his right hand just below her shoulder blade.
I’m the envy of every man in this room.
Her uncle’s eyebrows furrowed.
The band's announcer said, "Gentlemen grab you partners.”
“We're about to begin with the Texas Star.”
Dusty’s a good man.
"So far, who's on your dance card?”

MM Pollard
August 7th, 2012, 12:33 PM
Kaye, all of your apostrophes are perfect. So are your commas and semicolons.

Who's Eddie? Where can I find him? Do you happen to know a contract killer I can hire?
If I were still living in Louisiana, I'd do the job myself. In the South, a recognized defense is "He needed killing."

MM


1. They’d both known the risks going in, but what she hadn’t planned on was falling in love with him.

2. She'd forced her feelings for him into the deepest, loneliest part of her heart with the constant reminder that to him, she was only a job.

3. Since that moment, she’d stoically maintained the double façade of the dutiful wife to a man she loathed while diligently concealing her love for a man she could never have.

4. It hadn't been the first beating she'd endured nor was it the worst.

5. Pain didn’t concern her; it would eventually subside—another lesson she'd learned from Eddie.

6. Her fighting spirit returned with renewed vengeance, and she smiled at the thought of seeing Eddie’s expression when he discovered the real reason she’d tried to run off with his new mechanic.

7. There was no mistaking Floyd Carroll’s deep, raspy voice.

8. He was a big, red-faced, jowly man without imagination, and he always followed Eddie’s instructions to the letter.

9. “Ah, come on, Eddie wouldn’t want her to freeze to death.”

10. "Freezin’ to death’ll be a whole sight better than what Eddie’s got planned for her.”

janet2write
August 7th, 2012, 06:20 PM
Lesson 3 homework_Janet R.

1. He grabbed Lia and kicked to the surface, towing her to the edge.
Corrected: He grabbed Lia and kicked to the surface, then towed her to the edge.

2. He had just covered her mouth when Mack, Gene and Eric strolled though his side gate and stopped in their tracks.
Corrected: He’d just covered her mouth when Mack, Gene and Eric strolled through his side gate and stopped in their tracks.

3. Mack was just processing the fact that Will and Lia were not playing tonsil hockey, when Will began chest compressions again.
Corrected: Mack was just processing the fact that Will and Lia weren’t playing tonsil hockey, when Will began chest compressions again.

4. Gene showed up with a couple blankets he found in the house and they wrapped her shaking body.
Corrected: Gene showed up with a couple of blankets he found in the house and they wrapped her shaking body.

5. Will grimaced and said, “That would be me turning on the pool lights. I do not think you saw Jesus.”
Corrected: Will grimaced and said, “That would be me turning on the pool lights. I don’t think you saw Jesus.”

6. Lia frowned, then coughed and retched again, bringing up a little more water.

Question: Not sure on this one…I like the way it reads and from your tenses class, I don’t believe I’ve misused tenses with ed and ing…but should it read: Lia frowned, then coughed and retched again, and brought up a little more water.

7. “I don’t know, Master Chief. When I asked if she could swim, she asked me ‘why, did I have a pool?’ I said something about the ocean and she said she wasn’t into taking dips in the ocean.”

Question: I’m not sure I handled this correctly. Will is repeating a question put to him by Lia..do I use ‘single quote’ as above or do I use “double quotes”

8. He didn’t even think, he just pushed her in with the intention of letting her cool off while he grabbed the food and got the grill going, then he’d join her for a while before grilling their meal.

Corrected: Run on sentence by separating into independent sentences. I believe I could have done it in two, but used three.
He didn’t even think. He just pushed her in with the intention of letting her cool off while he grabbed the food and started the grill. He’d planned to join her for a while before grilling their meal.

9. What Will wanted to tell her it was too late, 'cause it was already being taken care of with Eric Ramos decked out in his full dress whites ready to hit that agency when it opened with some elaborate tale, Lia’s papers, photos, and docs he’d procured from one pissed-as-hell Cousin Vin.

Corrected: Split into separate sentences.
Will wanted to tell her it was too late, 'cause it was already being taken care of. Eric Ramos decked out in his full dress whites was ready to hit that agency when it opened. He’d come up with some elaborate tale for her missing the interview, Lia’s papers, photos, and docs he’d procured from one pissed-as-hell Cousin Vin.

10. But he kept his poker-face tight as an old man’s puckered ass trying to get to the head after hitting the all-you-can-eat-buffet on seniors night as he said, “Okay then. I’ve got to run; deep dive training op I can’t get out of.”

Corrected: But he kept his poker-face tight as an old man’s puckered ass trying to get to the head after hitting the all-you-can-eat-buffet on senior’s night as he said, “Okay then. I’ve got to run. I have a deep dive training op I can’t get out of.”

MM Pollard
August 10th, 2012, 02:04 PM
Janet, my comments are within your assignment. Overall, you did well. MM


Lesson 3 homework_Janet R.

1. He grabbed Lia and kicked to the surface, towing her to the edge.
Corrected: He grabbed Lia and kicked to the surface, then towed her to the edge. [Then isn't a conjunction. He grabbed Lia and kicked to the surface. Once there, he towed her to the edge.]

2. He had just covered her mouth when Mack, Gene and Eric strolled though his side gate and stopped in their tracks.
Corrected: He’d just covered her mouth when Mack, Gene and Eric strolled through his side gate and stopped in their tracks. [I see only the change from he had to he'd.]

3. Mack was just processing the fact that Will and Lia were not playing tonsil hockey, when Will began chest compressions again.
Corrected: Mack was just processing the fact that Will and Lia weren’t playing tonsil hockey, when Will began chest compressions again.

4. Gene showed up with a couple blankets he found in the house and they wrapped her shaking body.
Corrected: Gene showed up with a couple of blankets he found in the house[,] and they wrapped her shaking body.

5. Will grimaced and said, “That would be me turning on the pool lights. I do not think you saw Jesus.”
Corrected: Will grimaced and said, “That would be me turning on the pool lights. I don’t think you saw Jesus.”

6. Lia frowned, then coughed and retched again, bringing up a little more water.

Question: Not sure on this one…I like the way it reads and from your tenses class, I don’t believe I’ve misused tenses with ed and ing…but should it read: Lia frowned, then coughed and retched again, and brought up a little more water. [you have a participial phrase with bringing up a little more water. The phrase describes Lia, but she is six words away from the verbal. I would use your revision here.

7. “I don’t know, Master Chief. When I asked if she could swim, she asked me ‘why, did I have a pool?’ I said something about the ocean and she said she wasn’t into taking dips in the ocean.”

Question: I’m not sure I handled this correctly. Will is repeating a question put to him by Lia..do I use ‘single quote’ as above or do I use “double quotes” You have to use the exact words for the single quotes to be correct. She asked me, 'Why, do you have a pool?'
You used an indirect question. She asked me if I had a pool. No quotes needed here.

8. He didn’t even think, he just pushed her in with the intention of letting her cool off while he grabbed the food and got the grill going, then he’d join her for a while before grilling their meal.

Corrected: Run on sentence by separating into independent sentences. I believe I could have done it in two, but used three.
He didn’t even think. He just pushed her in with the intention of letting her cool off while he grabbed the food and started the grill. He’d planned to join her for a while before grilling their meal. [So that's why he doing cpr?]

9. What Will wanted to tell her it was too late, 'cause it was already being taken care of with Eric Ramos decked out in his full dress whites ready to hit that agency when it opened with some elaborate tale, Lia’s papers, photos, and docs he’d procured from one pissed-as-hell Cousin Vin.

Corrected: Split into separate sentences.
Will wanted to tell her it was too late, 'cause it was already being taken care of. Eric Ramos decked out in his full dress whites was ready to hit that agency when it opened. He’d come up with some elaborate tale for her missing the interview, Lia’s papers, photos, and docs he’d procured from one pissed-as-hell Cousin Vin. [What's going on here? I'm curious.]

10. But he kept his poker-face tight as an old man’s puckered ass trying to get to the head after hitting the all-you-can-eat-buffet on seniors night as he said, “Okay then. I’ve got to run; deep dive training op I can’t get out of.”

Corrected: But he kept his poker-face tight as an old man’s puckered ass trying to get to the head after hitting the all-you-can-eat-buffet on senior’s night as he said, “Okay then. I’ve got to run. I have a deep dive training op I can’t get out of.” [I would cut as he said. Put a period after night. Then begin your dialogue. We know who's speaking because of the beat that precedes the dialogue.]

janet2write
August 10th, 2012, 09:49 PM
MM,
Thank you for all your comments and suggestions. It helps a lot.

Will wanted to tell her it was too late, 'cause it was already being taken care of. Eric Ramos decked out in his full dress whites was ready to hit that agency when it opened. He’d come up with some elaborate tale for her missing the interview, Lia’s papers, photos, and docs he’d procured from one pissed-as-hell Cousin Vin. [What's going on here? I'm curious.]

Just before this entry above, Lia realizes she won't make her final interview for her new job and needs to call the agency to explain. However, feeling badly about her accident, Will took things into his own hands. He can't go himself due to a training op he can't get out of, so Will’s other SEAL buddy is going to the agency determined to get Lia a new interview, or the job. Eric is very charismatic and known for getting what he sets out to get. He has all Lia’s information from her cousin Vin. Vin is of course pissed off not only at what happened to Lia but also because Lia needs this new job. She’s running from a stalker by relocating to San Diego where she can be close to her cousin.

MM Pollard
August 11th, 2012, 04:07 PM
Janet, thanks for the info, MM.

Kay Angel
August 14th, 2012, 04:44 PM
This usually isn't my sticking point. I know I have some, but I really have to search for improper apostrophes. I could probably find some missing words, but I'm actually worse about slipping tenses recently.

Original (420 words):
I was back to my impeccably groomed shell, all that ebony hair in several long, thin braids, swirled around the crown of my head, ends tucked away as I hadn’t been able to find all of my own pins and I refused to take any from this place--who knew what enchantments might linger on them? Satisfaction that I had avoided having to borrow clothes added a lovely glow to my copper eyes. I know, because I checked, that that was all that was glowing out of them. The Hellfire was safely banked, sated for the moment.

Little sates a demon like a healthy dose of innocence, which is why I am always careful how much temptation I allow myself. That kind of thing gets addictive very quickly, and innocence lasts only so long in a person. An addiction like that ran to trouble. An addict would very quickly run through the available pool of adults and have to resort to a wider territory, or younger prey.

Either of which brought far too much attention of the wrong kind. Being reasonably intelligent, I enjoyed less destructive prey. Straying husbands or wives, inquisitive explorers, and jaded conquerors seldom brought a flicker of attention, beyond the relief or jealousy of long-suffering spouses. They were not, however, anywhere near as filling.

A sigh slipped out and I pulled my thoughts back to the present with a snap. The problem with filling meals was that they tended to focus the body’s energy on digestion and I could not afford to be at less than my sharpest while here, even if the surroundings seemed innocuous.

Which was the moment Armand made his entrance, all smarmy smiles, with only a hint of annoyance and leftover anger. He’d obviously worked things out to his satisfaction. I wondered how long that would last once I got through with my buying spree.

When he asked if I was ready to go, I practically bounced out of my chair. “Oh yes. I’m looking forward to this. I do love shopping when I have an almost unlimited budget and no specific constraints.”

The smile I got from Armand was almost real this time. “Unlimited, you say? I have at my disposal the best and most extensive stock available on this continent since the Emancipation. You will not find another who can provide you with the quality and variety of chattel I pride myself in. I shall be happy to help you spend as much as you desire, my dove. Most happy.”


Edited (424 words):
I was back to my impeccably groomed shell, all that ebony hair in several long, thin braids, swirled around the crown of my head, ends tucked away as I hadn’t been able to find all of my own pins, and I refused to take any from this place--who knew what enchantments might linger on them? Satisfied that I had avoided having to borrow clothes added a lovely glow to my copper eyes. I know, because I checked, that that was all that was glowing out of them. The Hellfire was safely banked, sated for the moment.

Little sated a demon like a healthy dose of innocence, which was why I was always careful how much temptation I allow myself. That kind of thing gets addictive very quickly, and innocence lasts only so long in a person. An addiction like that will run to trouble. An addict would very quickly run through the available pool of adults and have to resort to a wider territory, or younger prey.

Either of which brought far too much attention of the wrong kind. Being reasonably intelligent, I enjoyed less destructive prey. Straying husbands or wives, inquisitive explorers, and jaded conquerors seldom brought a flicker of attention, beyond the relief or jealousy of long-suffering spouses. They were not, however, anywhere near as filling.

A sigh slipped out and I pulled my thoughts back to the present with a snap. The problem with filling meals was that they tended to focus the body’s energy on digestion, and I couldn’t afford to be at less than my sharpest while here, even if the surroundings seemed innocuous.

Which was, of course, the moment Armand--ever the showman--made his entrance, all smarmy smiles, with only a hint of annoyance and leftover anger. He’d obviously worked things out to his satisfaction. I wondered how long that would last once I got through with my buying spree.

When he asked if I was ready to go, I practically bounced out of my chair. “Oh yes. I’m looking forward to this. I do love shopping when I have an almost unlimited budget and no specific constraints.”

The smile I got from Armand was almost real this time. “Unlimited, you say? I have at my disposal the best and most extensive stock available on this continent since the Emancipation. You won’t find another who can provide you with the quality and variety of chattel I pride myself in. I shall be happy to help you spend as much as you desire, my dove. Most happy.”