PDA

View Full Version : Samhain Shenanigans



sjwilling
October 3rd, 2007, 10:06 AM
A.K.A. How to party Horrifically.

Okay, you’ve tried your best to wheedle out of this one but no go. The die is cast, the omens set and the ides of March are nowhere to be seen. You’ve just been cornered into attending what you know will be one of the worst parties of your life, The Halloween Fancy Dress do.

How will you handle walking around like a pimped up vampire, pregnant ghost or kilted skeleton. Can you shake your bones successfully enough that the heroine will jump your bones later, or will you fall to pieces and flop out like a super inflatable garden ornament. We all know how unpopular a floppy hero is. Never fear for Agent Double D.3 has risked life, pumpkin and stick to everything instant spider webs to bring you this latest report on How to Party Horrifically—without the Horrific part.

Agent Double D.3 Reports :

1. Vampire heroes. Okay, first off your beloved wants adventure, fantasy and to see you in a new and exciting light. So, tell me, why are you going to the party dressed as a vampire, hmm? It’s not like she doesn’t get to see you like this three hundred and sixty-five days of the year, and honestly, after the first few times it gets rather tedious. Especially the old bite-me-on-the-neck-and-go-to-bed routine. Give her something new, something different. Go get your ears pierced and wear big gold loops, dye your hair jet black and poke out an eye or two so you can wear a patch. Truly, if you go dressed as a pirate to this very jovial affair, you’ll be sure to find her interested in your curvy sword and more than willing to reveal her hidden treasure once she gets you home.

2. Werewolf heroes. Okay fur face, let's skip the werewolf dig okay. Everyone and his dog is doing that nowadays and really there aren’t enough Kibble and Bits to go around to fill all the trick or treat bags. You want to go as something really scary, something that will shake your beloved all the way through her delighted screams to the party and back. No, going naked is not the answer. Yes, it would make her scream all night, but trust me they won’t be the screams you’re looking for. If you really want to scare her and go out of character, go as a Pumpkin man. True, the screams you hear may be the screams of laughter from seeing you wearing green stockings and garters, but hey, you know she’ll make it up to you later. So slip your tootsies into the silk, grit your teeth and do your best not to bite the highly amused party goers. You’re wearing ladies lingerie for your beloved. Well, at least we hope you are…

3. Regency heroes. Halloween is somewhat frowned upon, it having something to do with some pagan rituals that has your local parson screaming witches, burnings at the stake and naked midnight fertility rituals. Of course you’re wishing you’d been awake for that part of the sermon because now you have no idea where the rituals are being held, and no way of getting there. So maybe this is time to convince your beloved it might be fun to do a little anthropological study yourselves, and investigate the usefulness of naked fertility rites at your place, at midnight.

4. Scottish historic heroes: Sassenach’s! Heathens! You’ll all die before you get a chance to celebrate Halloween in the sacred valleys of the Olde Highlands. And you’ll be very lucky to be allowed to keep wearing that kilt, let alone put on a fancy smancy costume designed to win your beloved’s heart. And no, tying a stuffed spider on a string to your thingy so it hangs between your legs is not a funny thing to do—unless you want to give your lass a heart attack, that is.

5. Contemporary heroes. Yours, my lad, is the freedom to do whatever you like. Think, though, before you get overly excited in your plans. Just remember that going dressed as a condom (naked and wrapped in clear latex) is just one step up from going dressed as a used condom (don’t ask!) Either one will ensure you don’t get to open a single packet of said item for weeks to, er, come. Play it safe, go for one of the more boring ones like vampires and werewolves. Just make sure you don’t offend any of the same, or you could be in for an interesting time with a green-stockinged wolf…

6. Fantasy heroes. Halloween probably never even exists on your world. Given that, you’ll just have to celebrate Mashingbasher night instead. Go dressed as your favorite character, the barbarian. Flashing bare chest, gold armbands and dinky loincloth will certainly get your sweetheart’s attention. Don’t be disappointed if she wishes to go as something a little more demure. Suggest that she might like to attend as a high priestess of Yadayad. You can neglect to tell her, until just an hour before, the high priestess wears transparent silk…

7. Futuristic/scifi. Of course you don’t believe in such superstitious things but, what the hey, if your beloved wants a trifling Halloween party, you can provide. Surprise her by going dressed as a native from Omega seventeen. When you get home you can demonstrate the usefulness of prehensile antennae.

8. Western heroes. Yeehaw! It's hoedown time! So get those dancing spurs out and get ready for that great big square dance in the barn. Fancy dress? Hell, you can go as just about anything you like. Nothing will be scarier to your sweetheart than seeing you naked, except for the spurs, and heading for the four hundred dollar silk sheets on her bed. If you do want to dress up, go for a native American look, preferably one in full ceremonial dress. You know those feathers are going to tickle her fancy later.

Agent Double D.3 Report ends.

Cya on the Interwaves

S.J.

CharmedGirl
October 3rd, 2007, 05:35 PM
OMG they are totally funny SJ.

I especially love the vampire one how your partner will be interested in your curvy sword and she may be more than willing to let you find her hidden treasure :roflmao:

sjwilling
October 3rd, 2007, 09:18 PM
Well, Hey, women like pirates for a reason you know :winkiss:

S.J.

CharmedGirl
October 3rd, 2007, 09:39 PM
Hmmm is it only one reason SJ? :lol:

sjwilling
October 3rd, 2007, 09:54 PM
Well, they also move with this natural, up and down rhythm...

S.J.

CharmedGirl
October 3rd, 2007, 10:24 PM
Pirates do seem to have a lot of neat tricks especially Johnny Depp in Pirates of the Carribbean. LOL

Dani
October 3rd, 2007, 10:56 PM
I liked the pirate vamp, but my favorite is the naked midnight fertility rituals. That one's a riot! :roflmao:

sjwilling
October 29th, 2007, 09:07 PM
:LOL: yep Johnny Depp and his curvy sabre.

Must get the latest one up. It's been on the other blog for a while now.

S.J.

Dani
October 29th, 2007, 10:58 PM
Well it would be nice to read a new DD.3 report. :lol:

sjwilling
October 29th, 2007, 11:18 PM
Pulling it Out In Time has just been posted.

:whistling:

S.J.

Dani
October 29th, 2007, 11:35 PM
:roflmao: What a name!!

CharmedGirl
October 30th, 2007, 09:01 PM
That DD3 report was awesome. LOL

sjwilling
February 2nd, 2008, 05:44 AM
Chaos, mayhem and destruction.... my work here

No, not me, my evil octuplets work here, is done.

:whistling:

S.J.

Dani
February 3rd, 2008, 11:37 PM
Sure it is...You know you did this not them. Laugh it Up fuzball

sjwilling
February 4th, 2008, 12:00 AM
But I am so Pure and Innocent and Virginal, Just ask Tree.

:innocent:

S.J.

Dani
February 4th, 2008, 12:04 AM
Yeah, and she'll tell me the opposite most likely. Laugh it Up fuzball

tree220
February 4th, 2008, 12:25 AM
I'm just hoping the lightning rods on the roof hold up . . .

Dani
February 4th, 2008, 12:26 AM
BUSTED AGAIN!!!!

Laugh it Up fuzball

This is just too good! I haven't laughed so hard in weeks!

sjwilling
February 4th, 2008, 12:31 AM
I am such an abused husband really.

*sigh*

Hope she does it again.

*:wideeyed:

Did I really say that?

S.J.

Dani
February 4th, 2008, 12:35 AM
Into S&M are we... And that would make you the masochist? :whistling:

Hmmm, very interesting.

tree220
February 4th, 2008, 12:45 AM
how'd she know you're having sardines and milk . . . baby have you got your webcam on again?

Dani
February 4th, 2008, 12:48 AM
Okay, now that's just gross. Yuck!

tree220
February 4th, 2008, 12:52 AM
tell me about it, he's got some STRANGE tastes when it comes to food. Although the cats seem to appreciate it . . .

Dani
February 4th, 2008, 12:52 AM
I bet they do. Mine would love him too. If only for the fish that is.

sjwilling
February 4th, 2008, 01:08 AM
Kippers, and Mackeral, Yum.

Tuna mixed with scrambled eggs, and green peppers.

Hmmm, I'm in heaven.

S.J.

Dani
February 4th, 2008, 01:13 AM
Please don't make me puke this late at night.

tree220
February 4th, 2008, 01:14 AM
be thankful that computers don't provide smell . . .

sjwilling
February 4th, 2008, 01:15 AM
But it tastes simply wonderful.

Oh well, I could always make some sausage rolls instead. They're just as yummy.

S.J.