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Shelley Munro
March 15th, 2008, 01:05 AM
I love to laugh and adore corny jokes and riddles so I thought I'd start a thread. If you have a favorite riddle/joke just post it for me .:stretching1:


Here's the first one:

How do you fit six donkeys in a fire engine?

Two in the front, two in the back and two on the top going "Eeyore, eeyore"!

CharmedGirl
March 15th, 2008, 01:55 AM
That is a little corny but funny and cute.

Shelley Munro
March 16th, 2008, 01:44 AM
I only know corny and cute ;)

Shelley

hollie
March 16th, 2008, 08:26 AM
i got this as an e-mail from mum

Tickle Me Elmo:

http://uk.f863.mail.yahoo.com/ya/download/uk/ShowLetter?box=mother&MsgId=5240_10061876_159_1454_89301_0_8179_139526_2 584974925&bodyPart=2&YY=65583&y5beta=yes&y5beta=yes&order=down&sort=date&pos=0&view=a&head=b&Idx=0There is a factory in Northern Minnesota which makes the Tickle Me Elmo toys. The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arms.

Well, Lena is hired at The Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports for her first day promptly at 8:00 am.

The next day at 8:45 am there is a knock at the Personnel Manager's door. The Foreman throws open the door and begins to rant about the new
employee.
http://uk.f863.mail.yahoo.com/ya/download/uk/ShowLetter?box=mother&MsgId=5240_10061876_159_1454_89301_0_8179_139526_2 584974925&bodyPart=3&YY=65583&y5beta=yes&y5beta=yes&order=down&sort=date&pos=0&view=a&head=b&Idx=0
He complains that she is incredibly slow and the whole line is backing up, putting the entire production line behind schedule.

http://uk.f863.mail.yahoo.com/ya/download/uk/ShowLetter?box=mother&MsgId=5240_10061876_159_1454_89301_0_8179_139526_2 584974925&bodyPart=4&YY=65583&y5beta=yes&y5beta=yes&order=down&sort=date&pos=0&view=a&head=b&Idx=0

The Personnel Manager decides he should see this for himself, so the 2 men march down to the factory floor. When they get there the line is so backed up that there are Tickle Me Elmo's all over the factory floor and they're really beginning to pile up.

At the! end of the line stands Lena surrounded by mountains http://uk.f863.mail.yahoo.com/ya/download/uk/ShowLetter?box=mother&MsgId=5240_10061876_159_1454_89301_0_8179_139526_2 584974925&bodyPart=5&YY=65583&y5beta=yes&y5beta=yes&order=down&sort=date&pos=0&view=a&head=b&Idx=0of Tickle Me Elmo's. She has a roll of plush Red fabric and a huge bag of small marbles.

The 2 men watch in amazement as she cuts a little piece of fabric, wraps it around two marbles and begins to carefully sew the little package between Elmo's legs.

The Personnel Manager bursts into laughter. After several minutes of hysterics he pulls himself together and approaches Lena.

'I'm sorry,' he says to her, barely able to keep a straight face, 'but I think you misunderstood the instructions I gave you yesterday...'

'Your job is to give Elmo two test tickles.
http://uk.f863.mail.yahoo.com/ya/download/uk/ShowLetter?box=mother&MsgId=5240_10061876_159_1454_89301_0_8179_139526_2 584974925&bodyPart=6&YY=65583&y5beta=yes&y5beta=yes&order=down&sort=date&pos=0&view=a&head=b&Idx=0
If you don't send this to five friends right away,
There will be five fewer people laughing in the world! l from my mum!

CharmedGirl
March 18th, 2008, 12:55 AM
I put that joke up on the jokes section in keri's threads a while ago. I love that joke. LOL

Shelley Munro
March 18th, 2008, 03:30 PM
I love it. I must remember to show hubby.

Shelley

sjwilling
March 19th, 2008, 06:10 AM
A man and a woman were having mad pasisnate sex when suddenly the woman stopped.

"Wait!" She said "you don't have AIDS do you?"

"Of course not," the man replied.

"Whew that's good," the woman relaxed. "I wouldn't want to catch that again."


ba-boom

S.J

Shelley Munro
March 22nd, 2008, 05:07 AM
LOL - another to show hubby.

Shelley

hollie
March 22nd, 2008, 08:40 AM
6th Place
It was mealtime during a flight on a British Airways plane: 'Would you like dinner?' the flight attendant asked the man seated in the front row.'What are my choices?' the man asked.
'Yes or no,' she replied.
_____
5th Place
A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets.As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her.Without blinking an eyelid she said,
'Sir, I need to see your ticket not your stub.'
_____
4th Place
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at a branch of Sainsbury's but she couldn't find one big enough for her family.She asked a passing assistant, 'Do these turkeys get any bigger?'The assistant replied, ' I'm afraid not, they're dead.'
_____
3rd Place
The policeman got out of his car and approached the boy racer he stopped for speeding.'I've been waiting for you all day,' the bobby said.The kid replied, 'Yes, well I got here as fast as I could.'
When the policeman finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.
_____
2nd Place
A lorry driver was driving along on a country road.A sign came up that read ' Low Bridge Ahead.'Before he realised it, the bridge was directly ahead and he got stuck under it.Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a police car comes up.The policeman got out of his car and walked to the lorry's cab And said to the driver, 'Got stuck, eh?' The lorry driver said, 'No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of petrol!'
_____
AND THE SMART ARSED ANSWER OF THE YEAR 2007 IS
A teacher at a polytechnic college reminded her pupils of tomorrow's final exam.'Now listen to me, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!'
A smart-arsed guy at the back of the room raised his hand and asked,'What would you happen if I came in tomorrow suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?' The entire class was reduced to laughter and sniggering.
When silence was restored, the teacher smiled knowingly at the student, shook her head and sweetly said,'Well, I suppose you'd have to write with your other hand'.

sabby07
March 22nd, 2008, 12:28 PM
aaahhhhh:roflmao: I'm loving these!

Dani
March 22nd, 2008, 06:35 PM
Those are great jokes! Laugh it Up fuzball

Dani
March 26th, 2008, 02:21 PM
1. How Do You Catch a Unique Rabbit?
Unique Up On It.

2. How Do You Catch a Tame Rabbit?
Tame Way, Unique Up On It.

3. How Do Crazy People Go Through The Forest ?
They Take The Psycho Path

4. How Do You Get Holy Water?
You Boil The Hell Out Of It.

5. What Do Fish Say When They Hit a Concrete Wall?
Dam!

6. What Do Eskimos Get From Sitting On The Ice too Long?
Polaroid's

7. What Do You Call a Boomerang That Doesn't work?
A Stick

8. What Do You Call Cheese That Isn't Yours?
Nacho Cheese.

9. What Do You Call Santa's Helpers?
Subordinate Clauses.

10. What Do You Call Four Bullfighters In Quicksand?
Quattro Sinko..

11. What Do You Get From a Pampered Cow?
Spoiled Milk.

12. What Do You Get When You Cross a Snowman with A Vampire?
Frostbite

13. What Lies At The Bottom Of The Ocean And Twitches?
A Nervous Wreck.

14. What's The Difference Between Roast Beef And Pea Soup?
Anyone Can Roast Beef.

15. Where Do You Find a Dog With No Legs?
Right Where You Left Him.

26. Why Do Gorillas Have Big Nostrils?
Because They Have Big Fingers.

17. Why Don't Blind People Like To Sky Dive?
Because It Scares The Dog.

18. What Kind Of Coffee Was Served On The Titanic?
Sanka.

19. What Is The Difference Between a Harley And a Hoover ?
The Location Of The Dirt Bag.

20. Why Did Pilgrims' Pa nts Always Fall Down?
Because They Wore Their Belt Buckle On Their Hat.

21. What's The Difference Between a Bad Golfer And a Bad Skydiver?
A Bad Golfer Goes, Whack, Dang!
A Bad Skydiver Goes Dang! Whack.

22. How Are a Texas Tornado And a Tennessee Divorce The Same?
Somebody's Gonna Lose A Trailer

Now, admit it. At least one of these made you smile

maura
March 26th, 2008, 02:37 PM
aaahhhhh:roflmao: I'm loving these!

Thanks!!!!

sabby07
March 26th, 2008, 02:57 PM
Dani yes more then one made me laugh!!! too funny!:orange: Bouncy Icon Smilie

CharmedGirl
March 27th, 2008, 02:45 AM
Now, admit it. At least one of these made you smile

Yeah those jokes were corny but one did make me smile. LOL
:TroutSlap:

danetteb
March 27th, 2008, 06:06 AM
Lol..Nothing wrong with corny, I have three little girls who tell me corny jokes and I still laugh. :D

Kristin Lawrence
March 27th, 2008, 09:31 AM
Thanks. I needed a laugh and got one. Loved Hollie's jokes especially - some quick-thinking flight attendants there.

Shelley Munro
March 27th, 2008, 04:04 PM
I love corny jokes. I laughed at #1 and kept going.

Here's another for you.

What did the baby corn say to his mother corn?


A Where's Pop corn?

:gun_bandana:

Dani
March 27th, 2008, 11:57 PM
That was cute. LOL!

hollie
March 29th, 2008, 11:44 AM
Thanks. I needed a laugh and got one. Loved Hollie's jokes especially - some quick-thinking flight attendants there.

Thanks Kristin but i have to admit that they are either my mum's or Rob's(hubby )


Thanks Dani they are good :wizard: