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sjwilling
April 3rd, 2008, 04:46 PM
Sandie asked for the process of writing a book. Here is the simplified version...

How to write a book

1. Drink beer, brandy, lsd, psychadelic drug.
2. Enjoy the hallucinations... get a book idea.
3. Drink beer, discuss idea with friends.
4. Decide (with friends) that the four purple-armed, six probulated alien hero would be much too weird for human/alien sex.
5. Change alien's probules to three.
6. Write idea down.
7. Scrap Idea.
8. New idea! An alien heroine!
9. Keep the three probules.
10. Plot out rough series of scenes. Five to a chapter.
11. Plot out chapters using plotted scenes.
12. Decide a one chapter novel isn't long enough. Drink beer.
13. Plot out five chapters, one plotted scene in each. Drink beer.
14. Drunken revelation of great ending scene!
15. Replot five chapters using male alien hero with seven probules.
16. Friends say ending sucks.
17. Redo steps 7. to 12. Drink beer.
18. Sit down to write.
19. (One page later) Pace the house moaning about writers block.
20. Empty trash, mop floors, vaccuum, cook, do laundry, watch tv and complain about writer's block.
21. Spend all week moaning about writers block, go to bar friday night with the boys complaining about writers block.
22. Get drunk.
23. Stagger home and write 150 perfect pages of prose.
24. Collapse in a drunken stupor.
25. Wake up, look at book, throw up.
26. Tear up 149 pages. Drink beer.
27. Sit down, write six pages a day, ignoring everything else.
28. Many weeks (and beers) later finish book.
29. Show to friends.
30. After laughter dies down, decide where to hide the bodies after widespread slaughter.
31. Send to Editor.
32. Editor sends back.
33. Stomp around house, wail, scream, threaten suicide/murder.
34. Send to another Editor.
35. Another editor sends back.
36. Repeat 33.
37. Repeat 34. to 36. until no new editors left.
38. Tear out hair, tear up book.
39. Drink all beer in fridge.
40. Go buy more beer.
41. Drink beer.
42. Go back to novel, self edit, lose 40 pages.
43. Drink beer, promise dog to come to bed soon.
44. Send novel to writer friends to critique. Send them beer.
45. Novel comes back minus 40 pages.
46. Drink beer, kick dog, threaten to anhilate all humanity.
47. Change to brandy.
48. Dog looks even more attractive.
49. Get new brandy bottle.
50. Feel happy. Book looks great.
51. Send book to editor.
52. Editor sends back book, asks for changes.
53. Repeat 33.
54. Drink brandy, does cautious dance with dog.
55. Change book.
56. Repeat 51.
57. Editor accepts book. Sends contract.
58. Punch boss, quit job. Drink brandy, dog is looking very attractive.
59. Editor sends back book minus 40 pages.
60. Repeat 33. and kick dog.
61. Drink brandy.
62. Reluctantly make editorial changes, return book.
63. Bite fingernails, wait. Drink brandy.
64. Wait. Drink.
65. Wait even more.
66. Drink more brandy, start to starve. Fight off ravenous dog.
67. Drink a double. Beg boss for job back. Drink another double.
68. Now working as janitor for old boss. Drink a double. Still waiting.
69. Cover art comes through.
70. Sing, dance, boast, drink many doubles, think about punching boss until hungry dog gnaws at ankle.
71. Repeat 63 to 65 and Drink more doubles.
72. Book is published. Yay!
73. Spend the next (most important promo months) in detox...
74. Come out of Detox, Drink a beer.
75. Rejoice! You are a writer!

sabby07
April 3rd, 2008, 06:34 PM
ROFLMAO!!!!!

what you're telling me is in order for me to get published I have to learn to like the taste of beer.... got it!smilies/butterfly.gi (heads off to find a beer)

tree220
April 3rd, 2008, 06:51 PM
Sandie asked for the process of writing a book. Here is the simplified version...

How to write a book

1. Drink beer, brandy, lsd, psychadelic drug.
2. Enjoy the hallucinations... get a book idea.
3. Drink beer, discuss idea with friends.
---
75. Rejoice! You are a writer!


ROFLMAO!!!!!

what you're telling me is in order for me to get published I have to learn to like the taste of beer.... got it!smilies/butterfly.gi (heads off to find a beer)


this probably explains why I can't write a book since I can't stand the taste of beer. do you think this process will work with tequila?
:tequila:

sabby07
April 3rd, 2008, 07:39 PM
well we are going to have a house full of writers here at CTR or raging drunks!

CharmedGirl
April 3rd, 2008, 08:04 PM
this probably explains why I can't write a book since I can't stand the taste of beer. do you think this process will work with tequila?
:tequila:

I can't stand Beer either! It might not work with Tequila you'll be hitting the floor after the fourth or eighth one depending how much you can drink. LOL

tree220
April 3rd, 2008, 08:31 PM
I can't stand Beer either! It might not work with Tequila you'll be hitting the floor after the fourth or eighth one depending how much you can drink. LOL

darn, two does me in. how about wine coolers?

tree220
April 3rd, 2008, 08:32 PM
well we are going to have a house full of writers here at CTR or raging drunks!

it will be a house full of raging drunk authors :dizzy:

CharmedGirl
April 3rd, 2008, 08:35 PM
darn, two does me in. how about wine coolers?

Wine coolers might work! LOL

tree220
April 3rd, 2008, 09:25 PM
Wine coolers might work! LOL

woohoo!!!! best selling novel here I come!!!!!!

CharmedGirl
April 3rd, 2008, 09:30 PM
woohoo!!!! best selling novel here I come!!!!!!

Just how many wine coolers will you have drunk until the novel is complete! LOL

tree220
April 3rd, 2008, 09:35 PM
Just how many wine coolers will you have drunk until the novel is complete! LOL

well that depends on whether I try to write one on my own or if SJ and I start working on the one we started together. If it's our joint book I won't have to drink as much since he'll be doing a lot of the writing.

sjwilling
April 4th, 2008, 03:45 AM
ROFLMAO!!!!!

what you're telling me is in order for me to get published I have to learn to like the taste of beer.... got it!smilies/butterfly.gi (heads off to find a beer)

Just about, yep all famous writers drink :)


I can't stand Beer either! It might not work with Tequila you'll be hitting the floor after the fourth or eighth one depending how much you can drink. LOL

how about wine...?


well that depends on whether I try to write one on my own or if SJ and I start working on the one we started together. If it's our joint book I won't have to drink as much since he'll be doing a lot of the writing.

I drink you'll write, fair deal?

:roflmao:

S.J.

hollie
April 4th, 2008, 04:47 PM
Will cola do it i don't really drink at anything else

Dani
April 5th, 2008, 01:22 AM
I loved reading this on Rachel's blog! I was laughing so hard I could hardly breathe.

I think if we followed this path though, we'll end up with a bunch of raging drunks on the forums (not that I'm a big drinker). Could be fun though! Laugh it Up fuzball

sjwilling
April 5th, 2008, 04:47 PM
I loved reading this on Rachel's blog! I was laughing so hard I could hardly breathe.

I think if we followed this path though, we'll end up with a bunch of raging drunks on the forums (not that I'm a big drinker). Could be fun though! Laugh it Up fuzball

You mean, I'm the only one?:eek:

S.J.

Catherine Bybee
April 5th, 2008, 07:04 PM
this probably explains why I can't write a book since I can't stand the taste of beer. do you think this process will work with tequila?
:tequila:


Tequila is only reported to cause pregnancy! Caution!

Catherine Bybee
April 5th, 2008, 07:05 PM
darn, two does me in. how about wine coolers?


Friends don't let friends drink wine coolers. Stick with a nice Merlot. The ideas flow after that!

tree220
April 5th, 2008, 10:12 PM
Tequila is only reported to cause pregnancy! Caution!

better not let SJ see this or we'll go broke buying tequila :err:

tree220
April 5th, 2008, 10:16 PM
Friends don't let friends drink wine coolers. Stick with a nice Merlot. The ideas flow after that!

but I don't like wine unless it's mixed with sprite and it's a shame to ruin good wine like that so I stick with wine coolers. ChampagneParty.gif

Dani
April 5th, 2008, 10:24 PM
better not let SJ see this or we'll go broke buying tequila :err:
Ya think? Laugh it Up fuzball

tree220
April 5th, 2008, 10:31 PM
Ya think? Laugh it Up fuzball

guess that could explain why he's always telling me to have a margarita when we go out

Dani
April 5th, 2008, 10:35 PM
Sounds interesting. Better watch yourself Tree!

tree220
April 5th, 2008, 10:44 PM
Sounds interesting. Better watch yourself Tree!

well since I tend to fall asleep after having a margarita I'm probably safe

Dani
April 5th, 2008, 10:48 PM
Well, that's good then. :biggrin: