A Day in the Life...

[Samantha Lucas]

I sure hope so. My stomach's been in knots for days. :P

[Dani]

I know you're worried, but don't make yourself sick over it until it happens. It's not healthy for you.

[Samantha Lucas]

ACK! I know you're right. I've been doing a lot of thinking about that very thing lately, health and stress and anxiety. I've noticed every since I left my ex, I've been battling a lot of anxiety and fears, unlike anything I've ever felt before. I think it's because since I'm the one who left, I feel all this pressure to justify my chocie by making my life perfect some how. :right:

Which I know, I know, it won't happen, but I'm actually fearful about making choices now and I've never been like that.

I really need to stop it though. I was telling Dale today, I have about 3 good days, where I'm grounded and at peace with my life and who I am, then I hit a day where something happens and sets me doubting everything and I start over thinking all my life choices...it's bad!

[Dani]

It happens to the best of us. I get fearful too at times. I think that's why I stay fat because it's like a security blanket of sorts for me. It's been almost 13 years since I broke off the engagement with my son's father and I still wonder if I made the right decision. Then I think about things and look at where he is now and realize that it was the best decision I ever made.

[Samantha Lucas]

I know exactly what you mean. When I'm calm and rational (and yes I DO have moments! lol) I know I'm doing the right thing. I know leaving was the right choice, and though my plan had been to go for crazy cat lady, I'm so glad I met Dale.

I was thinking about it yesterday, even if I had the exact same life with Dale as I had with my ex, Dale and I click SO much better, he makes me happy just being with him, even if circumstances do suck.

At the same time, my baggage is that my mother ditched my younger sister on me when I moved out at 18, not that I minded I loved having my little sister with me, but we were the exact same age as my two kids, 18 and 14, so that has me thinking I'm no better than my mother and that I'm repeating her mistakes and I'm going to end up old, crazy and alone like she has!

This really clouds the water for me, being that my BIGGEST fear is that I turn out like my mother. :P

Intellectually, I know my kids are fine, though could certainly be better, but I couldn't provide much better right now anyway, but my emotional response keeps me just off kilter enough that my heart hurts all the time. :(

[Samantha Lucas]

Okay, I'm going to lighten up this week. We have the court thing tomorrow, so all good thoughts are especially appreciated right now. I just have this gut feeling she's going to try to blindside him with something. Dale thinks she's going to try and take away his visitation, since he hasn't been able to see them for a month and he wouldn't come home last week because she wanted to get rid of them for a while.

Regardless, as far as we know, his date is tomorrow at 3pm Eastern, so I'll let you all know when I know. Fingers crossed!

On to happier things...

I realized the other day, that I'm neglecting to share so many of the great things from the road, so I thought I'd catch you up. ;)

We've been to nearly every state on the east side of the country, as far north as New York (which I LOVE, but more on that in a bit) as far west as Kansas and as far north as Arkansas.

I won't reiterate yesterday's post on the St. Louis arch, since it follows (only if you're reading this on my site blog (http://samanthalucas.com/blog)) but the arch was amazing.

Other things that have amazed me are the rivers and lakes in this part of the country. First, just that there are so many! I'm a beach girl, never really been to many lakes, and I don't recall ever seeing a river, except maybe in crossing the Mississippi here and there, and you can't miss that one. However, I find a river to be an incredibly beautiful thing. I think they have become my new favorite body of water. I mean granted, it's hard to compete with the ocean, but there is something so serenitous (is that a word? Doesn't matter, I like it lol) about a river and at the same time, so powerful.

Dale and I stopped one day at Lake Eerie and had a fabulous time, we collected some rocks, had lunch at a little bistro, it was very romantic and so not like my normal life. I felt all upper middle class! :giggle:

We've crossed the Mississippi a few times, and that's almost magical. Again, there's just something about so much power moving along so peacefully, it awes me, truly.

The other thing I'm really enjoying is the food! :Hotdog:

And do NOT ask me what this has done to my weight. :P I really am making some changes, more on that another time, but what I mean is, there are so many cute mom and pop restaurants, cafes and diners out there and I'm completely enjoying discovering them.

In all honesty we eat most of our meals at truck stops, but we do make an effort at least once a week to seek out something different. We have date night. :D

Anyway, some of the more unusual places we've found have been


Aunt Toadies Roadhouse Cafe
The Frisky Mermaid
Sweet Petunia's country BBQ
The Crossroads Tavern - Home to warm beer and lousy food...it's on their sign!
The Crabby Oyster
The satisfied Frog
and Dr. Hogly Wogly's Tyler, Texas BBQ which was not in Texas btw

Then of course there was Aquarium, which was by no means a mom and pop place, but an elaborate compete-with-The-Rain-Forest-Cafe kind of place that literally took my breath away when I first saw it.

We ate there last week when we were in Nashville. It's in the Opry Mills shopping center right beside Opryland. This restaurant has you feeling as if you are dining at the bottom of the ocean. To be honest, not even sure I remember the food, but the experience was worth every penny.

The other thing that's been amazing is just the time of year. How lucky am I to get to travel all of new england during the change of season?

We get fall colors in VA and they are amazing, but the abundance of colors I've seen while being out here has made me feel like I won some contest or something. It's been very special.

Other bits and Pieces... I've seen the St. Louis Arch, the Empire State Building, the site of the trade center and the new towers and what has to be the largest cross on the planet. I've seen capitol buildings, amazing architecture, bridges that take my breath away. I've seen farmlands and vineyards and small towns and inner cities. I've been across the Delaware River which really made me think of that old history lesson and our founding fathers, which given our country's current state has given me a lot to think about, but that's a whole other post! ...Maybe for Tuesday. :headscratch:

Anyhoo...This land we've been blessed to call home is truly a beautiful place and I find myself yearning more and more towards history books, which is very cool. I wish everyone could take a journey like this. I mean vacations are all well and good and tons of fun, but I think when you go on a vacation, you put the experience in a box to a degree. It's remarkable to be able to just drive and see things and go where the wind takes you.

To see shopping centers and flea markets. To go into a local Target and a small antique shop. To see vineyards and beaches and B&Bs and restaurants and really catch the flavor of a place. To see small town centers with the shops and the gazebos and seasonal decorations. I'm such a sucker for a small town. :wub: And on that note, one last thing I'll share, is I have a new dream town!

Skaneateles, New York


http://i135.photobucket.com/albums/q150/samanthalucas/Places/1030954_sta.jpg (http://s135.photobucket.com/albums/q150/samanthalucas/Places/?action=view&current=1030954_sta.jpg)



Here's a link (http://www.skaneateles.com/) if anyone wants to know more about Skaneateles, or take the virtual tour here (http://www.skaneateles.com/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=34&Itemid=86). Skaneatlese is an Indian word meaning long lake as it sits at the top of one of the five finger lakes. Here's a blurb from their web site...

Set on a jewel-clear lake in central New York State, the Skaneateles area is home to a thriving residential and business community, and host to thousands of visitors and vacationers each year. In the historic downtown district, shops and galleries are housed in restored buildings dating back to 1796. Browse for unique foods, distinctive fashions, original art, home accessories, or a special antique. Relax at a restaurant or tavern; the atmosphere may be casual and lively or quietly gracious, but the menu is always tempting. Visitor accommodations include inns, bed-and-breakfasts, motels and cottages. Read more (http://www.skaneateles.com/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=12&Itemid=26).
It's a beautiful place that I someday would love to call home.

I have to admit, New York state on the whole surprised me. I think even though consciously I knew all of NY wasn't NYC, I think I had written the state off as being too busy and too citified,Laugh it Up fuzball but from the moment I first crossed the state line, something about the place spoke to me. I love the air, I love the fall colors, I love the vineyards, I love the small towns! I love New York!

Anyway, that's a brief look at what I've been doing over the past couple months. I've also been writing and playing games...:giggle: Have I mentioned that the Sims3 comes out in Feb??!! LOL

I've also been waaaaaaaaaaaay to sedentary and eating waaaaaaaaaaaaaay too much, so as I start month three out here on the road, and I'm starting to settle in to a long term mentality, I'm going to be making some changes. Anyone want to lose 50lbs with me? :thewave:

Ok, that's all for now, I'll let you know what happens tomorrow, and thank you all for the support and good thoughts. It means the world! ~ Samantha

[CharmedGirl]

We've all got our fingers crossed that all goes well Samantha.

[hollie]

oh wow that looks lovely Samantha I took some photo's the other day in the park in town with the abbey as a bach drop and a strom over head it looked quiet good and the abbey looks good now a lot of the work is done on it not as good as York minster but it isn't as big

[Samantha Lucas]

If you want to know what happened last week with court and all, you'll find it here (http://samanthasinsights.blogspot.com/). Thanks for all the support, please keep it coming as this looks far from over.

[Dani]

Honey, he really needs to ask for help with this because I have a feeling that she's gonna try to nail his a** to the wall.

[Samantha Lucas]

We're working on it, sadly we were slightly---or a whole hell of a lot!---derailed today by a GINORMOUS FIGHT!

OMG we've never had a fight like this and do you want to know what it was over????????

Because I put something away.

Can we say STRESS!

I think we're both about at our breaking point and quite frankly I'm sort of afraid to do or say anything at the moment, unles I make it worse. :P

On the upside, I have found new gutter kitties to feed. addmilk.gif

[Samantha Lucas]

I'm not sure if I have writer's block, or I'm just too stressed to be creative...I'm thinking the last one. :censored:

I need to write about 8k a day and so far today I've written 400...shoot me.

[Samantha Lucas]

ok, my blood pressure hit an all time high yesterday. :swoon: Actually I nearly did pass out right in Wal-Mart, but anyway, reality is, I can't just run to the doctor. I don't have one and I'm in WV tonight and who knows where tomorrow.

On the upside, Dale and I are getting all our teeny little ducks in a row, and hopefully we'll be taking small but productive steps very soon.

Thank you Hollie and the other few ladies who've e-mailed me. I truly appreciate your support, motivation and info, it's been extraordinarily helpful.

[Dani]

I'm glad that things are getting better. I'm just not sure of what to tell you in regards to Dale's situation anymore without over stepping my bounds. I know what I'd do, but to tell someone else what to do isn't always easy.

[Samantha Lucas]

Oh I understand that entirely. I'm open to any suggestions though, if you want to email me privately feel free. :D

I'm home today, saw my kids last night, but man it's cold!!! :P

[Samantha Lucas]

I missed last week, all sorts of chaos going on, and this week's going to be short and to the point...I know, SO unlike me! lol

But I'm trying to get a good chunk of writing done today, since it's Sunday and I know we aren't going anywhere at least until Monday. I'm struggling with this wip, I go back and forth between, I love this book, and OMG this is garbage! I think that's my process. lol I'm at 28k, but I need to get to at least 60 and I've been really moving slowly, until...

This is my exciting news of the week. lol

So I was talking with my friend, Mark, yesterday and I was telling him I'm really struggling to get any writing done, which really upsets me, since I don't have anything else to do but write. I mean I have no responsibilities right now, how many of us get that?! But I feel like I've been wasting it.

Anyway, after we had the familiar, you are way too hard on yourself conversation, he was asking me something about my writing in the van, and I said to him, I feel so much happier when I get out of the van, and it's not that I hate the van, it's just I feel sort of claustrophobic being in there all the time and that's when it hit me!

I've been playing a ton of those mindless games, like Diner Dash, Farm Mania, Virtual Villagers --you get the picture--, instead of writing and I feel guilty for it and I get mad at myself for wasting so much time and blah blah blah, but I realized it's because I've been medicating the claustrophobia!

I don't feel it when I'm hyper focused trying to save a town or organize a farm or whatever, I had just been doing it subconsciously. Now that I'm aware of what I'm doing and understand there's been a very good reason for it, I can change things and that's exciting!

So I got out of the van last night, took my laptop into the truckstop, found a quiet spot and clacked out 1500 words almost immediately. I told Dale and Mark about it right away because I was incredibly excited, and decided what I'd do is, before I go to sleep at night, I'll pack up my laptop and get all my toiletries and stuff together and when I first get up in the morning just cart it all inside and stay there till I've written a decent amount.

So far today I've written 3k!

To go hand in hand with this new plan, if we've got a load, I'm not going to worry about writing at all. It's like when Dale works, I don't, and when he's not, I do. That way, no beating myself up for not getting it done. :)

It's been really cool, too, Dale's been coming in with me. He brings in his laptop and sits at the table with me, so I'm not lonely...he's so cute. :)

Have I mentioned I love him?

So anyway, if this works, that's one piece of the puzzle solved. YAY YAY YAY

Happy dance!!!!

http://i135.photobucket.com/albums/q150/samanthalucas/happysnoopydance.gif (http://s135.photobucket.com/albums/q150/samanthalucas/?action=view&current=happysnoopydance.gif)


So what else is new? Well, in food news, which is always very important lol, we ate last night at Del Taco!!!! Ok, why is this exciting? Because Del Taco is my favorite fast food place ever and they don't have them in VA so I haven't eaten at one in ten years! OMG was it good!!! My poor son, he loves it too. I told him last night, "Guess where I'm going?"

He of course gave me the typical teenager grunt and I said, "What's your favorite fast food place that we haven't been to in ten years?"

He gasped.

A moment later I got, "You bring me something back or you're dead to me!"

LMFAO!

It really does make me sad that I probably won't be able to, unless we get a freaky load in the next day or two, the food won't last. :(

We also ate about a week ago at a place called Skyline Chili (http://skylinechili.com/)....oooooooh! can we all say YUMM!!!

It was really good, and man do they pile on the cheese!

I swear it sounds like all we do is eat. lol

It snowed yesterday for the first time, and after we got all our running around done, we snuggled down and watched Under the Tuscan Sun. I swear, I've seen that movie a gazillion times and it always makes me cry. It just hits me so deep, I love how they used the faucet as a metaphor for her spirit. I nearly got through the whole movie last night without crying (nearly) but then the faucet at the end when it's just pouring out, omg I lost it. lol I'm SUCH a girl.

We're in Ohio over the weekend, Toledo to be exact, they have a really awesome bridge. We've driven across it several times and it never fails to impress me, it's so cool!


http://i135.photobucket.com/albums/q150/samanthalucas/Places/places%20Ive%20been/2-Maumee.jpg (http://s135.photobucket.com/albums/q150/samanthalucas/Places/places%20Ive%20been/?action=view&current=2-Maumee.jpg)

And that center piece, changes colors at night!

from wikipedia...
The main attraction of the bridge is the single pylon which contains 384 light emitting diodes (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Light_emitting_diodes) (LEDs (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/LED)) that are capable of creating 16.7 million potential color combinations. The LEDs shine through all the glass facing on all four sides of upper 196' feet of the main pylon. These lights should be visible from up to 3 miles (5 km) away.

It's beautiful and you really can see it for miles. Here's some more history (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Veterans%27_Glass_City_Skyway) on the bridge if anyone is interested. ;)

Ok, that's it for this week, back to writing...in theory, I'm trying to write a sex scene, and I swear I'm getting to the point where I'm starting to feel I've written every way there is to have sex! LMAO Anyway, enjoy what's left of your weekend and thanks for checking in! :)~ Samantha

[hollie]

that bridge is lovely and you sound a lot happier

[Samantha Lucas]

I'm trying. :)

I have more good days then bad days on the whole. Problem is, I've always journaled when I'm down, and now that's where the blog comes in, so I end up just whining all the time and rarely sharing the good parts. lol

[Dani]

I'm so glad to hear that you've solved one problem in your life. It's always good to take it one step at a time (now if I can just get myself to the same way of thinking... LOL). The bridge is stunning and I'm going to have to see it in person sometime. Maybe if I ever make it up to Sandusky, OH to the thrill parks they have there with all the roller coasters I'll be able to see the bridge on my trip. LOL!

[Samantha Lucas]

That's right! It's the most exciting day of my life...for the past few days anyway hee hee

http://thesims2.ea.com/about/sp9_videos.php

TODAY THE SIMS2 MANSIONS AND GARDENS IS RELEASED!!!!!

I don't care that I'm sick as a dog, I'm going to Wal-Mart tonight to get me a copy! :jump:

[Samantha Lucas]

Freaking hell!

After a VAST search, I have finally procured a copy of Sims2 stuff pack, Mansion and Garden...and no I couldn't find it at Wal-Mart where it was cheap, I had to go to Game Stop and pay five bucks more for it :P

Oooooooh but it's fun!

And on a side note, if you've ever wanted to play Sims2 now is the time! It's all cheap coz the new one comes out in a few months. The main game at Wal-Mart is 20 and all the stuff and expansions are 15 each!

And if anyone wants to know where the links are to get the adult sims http://i135.photobucket.com/albums/q150/samanthalucas/Animated/smilies/evil/36_2_29.gif PM me ;)

[Dani]

Laugh it Up fuzball You and that game! I swear, you ought to have it surgically attached to you with the way you play it.

[Samantha Lucas]

LMAO you have a good thought there!

I swear I had to stop at a very inopportune moment the other day and we've been driving non stop since! It's terrible I have a son I'm trying to get into private school, and twin baby daughters screaming their heads off. My husband is chasing me around trying to kiss me constantly and I can't get the school master to eat the food I cooked for him...I'm thinking of trying to seduce him if all else fails. Julian MUST get into private school!!!!! sheesh

[CharmedGirl]

I love Sims. I haven't played Sims2 yet because I've been too busy playing Lego Batman, Lego Star Wars and Lego Indiana Jones. LOL

Playstations are just so fun. I played against my cousin last night in Car Racing and he beat me by a mile. How embarassing!

[Samantha Lucas]

LOL you're cute. I haven't played much other games systems since discovering sims1 and through that pc gaming in general, but I used to LOVE the Zelda games on nintendo. My boys and I will still get into a marathon zelda session every now and again. I have such great memories of that. :)

In simland, things are going smoother. I should be writing, but I have the WORST headache, so I'm monkying with sims till pain killers kick in. Julian got into private school as did his sisters and I'm about to have the mom open a pet store.

I live vicariously through my sims, how sick is that exactly? Laugh it Up fuzball

[Dani]

About as sick as me wanting to bring my fantasies to life. Laugh it Up fuzball

[Samantha Lucas]

Cool! We're a matched set LOL

[Samantha Lucas]

A few weeks ago, I talked to Dale about going home. We started talking like we were going home. He was saying things like, well since we won't be in the van much longer we don't need to do (insert whatever we'd planned before here) I was going to have to get a job waiting tables, but overall, I was relaxed and was writing, dreaming about Christmas at home with my boys and I was happy. :)

Then came Friday...

This is kind of a more personal ramble, so if you want to read the rest, you're more than welcome, it's over on my blog (http://samanthalucas.com/blog);)

[Samantha Lucas]

What do you think?

http://adoptions.petsmart.com/adoption-center/search-details.php?pet_id=1892563

I may adopt her. :D

[Dani]

She's cute, but are you going home or staying out on the road? She looks like the type of dog that needs a home and yard to run in. Although, some dogs do great out on the road too.

Good luck in your decision that you talked about on your blog.

[Samantha Lucas]

Thanks Dani, and I still don't know. I'll be home later tonight and I change my mind from one minute to the next. The dog thing is sort of medicating more than anything else. You know nice to think about, keeps the bp low. :)

Anyway, I'll let you know when I decide something, at least Dale and I have really been working out a lot of our relationship stuff. Have I even mentioned that I love him? lol

He's SUCH a good man and he tries so hard and if I'm unhappy, he actually listens and changes, and the changes stick! It's crazy! lol

[Samantha Lucas]

http://www.longandshortreviews.com/WC/recentrev.htm

I'm so excited! Thanks to all who vote, I honestly appreciate it. :D

[Samantha Lucas]

I have discovered something...I LOVE the sound snow makes when it crunches under my feet. :D

I'm in Albany New York this weekend and it's snowing lightly, just enough to make everything white and romantic and beautiful. I love the way the snow makes everything so quiet. I love the way everything looks new and perfect, I'm even making peace with the cold. lol

I want to mention first thing this morning that my book Love, Lust and Deception (http://samanthalucas.com/books.php?title=lovelustanddeception), is up for book of the week at Whipped Cream Reviews (http://www.longandshortreviews.com/WC/recentrev.htm) and I'd so appreciate anyone who could take the time to vote for me. I'm up against some really wonderful books and the competition is tough!

I also want to thank my readers in general. I've been really wrapped up in life lately, to the point of almost not being a writer anymore, but that seems to be changing now and I was thinking about it last night. What an amazing, humbling thing to have someone else be willing to spend their very hard earned money on something I created. That's not a small thing to me and I want to thank everyone who's ever read one of my books. I hope to always write stories that tug on the heart strings, excite and engage the reader and I appreciate you giving me that chance.

To further thank you, this Christmas, I will be giving away as a free download on my site (http://samanthalucas.com/), Nick's story from Anything After Sunday (http://samanthalucas.com/books.php?title=anythingaftersunday) and Anything for Sasha (http://samanthalucas.com/books.php?title=anythingforsasha). I know many of you have asked for this story and I hope this final installment, Anything She Wants, will be all you've wanted. Look for it closer to Christmas. :)

Also, in the coming year, look forward to a lot more from me. I'm back at writing with a vengeance and hope to put out a lot of good stories in 2009, from my current publishers, possibly two new ones, and I'm going to try out something to see how you like it, weekly installments of an ongoing story free for download from my site. It's all in the works for the coming year and I hope you enjoy.

The holiday season is in full swing now and I'm feeling very lucky to be traveling. I feel more a part of things being out in the world this way, plus I get to see the snow and the lights and decorations, it's fabulous! I hope you all are enjoying the season, don't forget it's not about the gifts, but about the love. :) Until next week, take care and remember to enjoy the little moments of bliss life sends you, sometimes those are the very best ones! And thanks again for your votes ;) ~ Samantha

[Dani]

I've only been in snow once in my life and it was barely on the ground before it melted. I want to be in the thick stuff at least once in my life. I've told Hollie before that I'm coming to visit sometime and I'm thinking of making my trip in the Winter. LOL!

[hollie]

I've told you just get on a plane there is a room waiting for you

[Dani]

I have to win the lottery first sweetie. The only other way is to save my money for the next few years so I can. LOL!

[hollie]

i'll start playing as well than we have double the chance Laugh it Up fuzball

[Dani]

Cool! Mom wants to know what your tickets cost and what your jackpots run at, so message me off here about it. Mom's very interested now. Laugh it Up fuzball

[hollie]

Laugh it Up fuzball

[Samantha Lucas]

ok great so Dani's winning the lottery and going to England and Hollie's happy and did anyone vote for me??? SHEESH Laugh it Up fuzball

[Dani]

Picky, picky, picky! Yeah, you've been voted for. Sheesh! Laugh it Up fuzball

[hollie]

voted who mentioned voting i missed that :peepwall:







ok only joking yeh i voted ( i think )Laugh it Up fuzball

[Samantha Lucas]

You guys are funny LOL

I came in a distant second...SIGH :swoon:

Life is OVER

hee hee I can be SUCH a drama queen. :whistilin:

[hollie]

we try Laugh it Up fuzball


second is good congratulations sweetie Cheerleader

[Dani]

Second isn't bad. It isn't first, but it isn't bad. At least you weren't dead last.Laugh it Up fuzball

[Samantha Lucas]

LOL Thanks, but 2nd get no graphic! sheesh, I'm all about the graphics. lmao :D

[Samantha Lucas]

Okay, it is SO on!

Dale seems to be under the mistaken impression that he can build a better Sims house than me!!!!!

He's never even played the game! :realmad:

The nerve!

Laugh it Up fuzball

[Dani]

Laugh it Up fuzball Oh, this is priceless! Tell him to try and see how it turns out.

[hollie]

The Smurf did that with the first sims and zoo tycoon we had fun for weeks against each other

[Samantha Lucas]

I hate to admit it, but he's not doing that bad, and what's worse is he plays so differently from how I play, that I'm actually learning new stuff!!!

SHEESH

[Dani]

Oh, that's just too funny for words. Laugh it Up fuzball

[Samantha Lucas]

Today was one of those incredibly unproductive days. Started with my grandmother telling me I couldn't possibly be a good mother from the road and went down hill from there. :P

sigh

anyway, Dale's playing now, but I've been working on creating a master city! Dale mocks me, but we'll see. :P

I so should be writing instead of playing...bad me! :TroutSlap:

[Samantha Lucas]

Ok, I've gotten my writing done, my blogging done (check out the samhain blog for more there) and now I'm off to beat Dale's ass! ...in sims!!!! sheesh minds out of the gutter people! :nono:

But first!

I went to the Sims2 site to download a couple of freebie sims and such, and normaly I don't pay much attention to the sim videos on there, but this one caught my eye, it's sweet and Christmasy and if you've got a sec, go check it out! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2iYfyA3Hbdg/ (http://thesims2.ea.com/) ~ Deck the Halls a Sims2 Christmas Music Video

[Dani]

Yay for getting your writing done. :huepfen017:

Don't beat Dale's ass too bad at Sims2. Laugh it Up fuzball

[Samantha Lucas]

It's ridiculous how well he's doing. HMPH! :right:

[Dani]

This is really priceless! Laugh it Up fuzball

[Samantha Lucas]

Well, see, I play all sorts of silly little mind numbing, time consuming games and I have this one called Fashion Solitaire, where you have to design outfits it's a total 12 year old girl game and I love it.

Well Dale took to playing it one day, must have been bored or something lol, anyway, he designed the most horrific looking outfits you have ever seen.

Seriously, they hurt my eyes.

So I was thinking when he went into the house designing business, it would be the same thing, but noooooooooooo. :P

Then he tells me, the fashion thing he did on purpose, he was having a ball making these eye sores, but the house thing he's taking seriously. :right:

It's funny, I always wanted my ex to play sims with me, but he was never interested, so in a way, this is really totally cool...but don't tell him I said so!!!!!

[Dani]

ROFL! Then you better not let him read this.

Guys never want to admit it, but they like some of these games just as much as we do. Even making dresses. Sometime it's fun to see how gaudy of a dress you can make.

[Samantha Lucas]

Well his were deserving of some type of an award. I've never seen such awful combinations! Then this one day we were in NY and I swear we were driving and we saw her at the same time and we just looked at each other and laughed...she was wearing a Dale Blackwelder original design!

We couldn't believe it. Laugh it Up fuzball

OMG Yesterday I lost all track of time. I was rearranging sim towns. I move four separate towns into one large town, which is a lot of work! Anyway, then I got involved in making a wellness center, today I'm making a brothel! :D I love this game.

[hollie]

i really need to get this game i used to play the first one and loved it but i'm not sure i could find the time now

[Samantha Lucas]

Yeah I can't play it just a little. I have to set a day or two aside and just play play play! :D


Of course, now I have tons of down time, but back in my normal life, I could only play like once a month for a marathon four days, but it's great and with the prices being so low currently, now's the time!

[Samantha Lucas]

okay, work week has begun, and I have actual work to do, if I could get my darn proof reader to get my book back to me and my web mistress to get the site ready my free read will be up and running in days!!!!

I'm really excited about that :D

I spent most of last night creating community lots in Sims2, like an open air market, the wellness center, parks, I love the design aspect of the game, it's probably my favorite. :D

I'm hoping for a productive week for Dale, lots of miles coz going into Christmas I know there won't be much, course we'll be home anyway, but still. :)

Last week was fun, I saw some new stuff. Union Town PA is now my number 2 favorite city in America (of those I've seen) it has a main street that was positively adorable and all decked out for Christmas!

They also have an Ollie's. Now for anyone not familiar with Ollie's, they are sort of like a Big Lots, lots of discounted merchandise. Well Dale is in love! :wub:

They have this frequent buyer program and it's called Ollie's Army...omg I have to hear all the time, in the most childlike sort of way, "I'm in Ollie's army!"

We don't see very many of them, so whenever we do, we stop. I can't remember where in PA the last one we stopped at was, but I have to share this story anyway and I shouldn't have found this so funny, but I swear I almost exploded trying not to laugh.

We get to Ollie's and do some shopping. We hadn't seen one in a while, so Dale was giddy, the whole time smiling, doing the I'm in the army thing, then we get to the register...and they can't find him!!!!!!

His card brings up nothing.

His phone number brings up nothing.

and the girl (who wasn't really very helpful) can't find him and so just says , well keep your receipt it's probably just a glitch in the system.

OMG I've never seen a man pout before, not like this. And I'm trying so hard not to laugh, and he's doing the whimper "I'm kicked out of the army." thing. Now keep in mind most of this was for humor anyway, but it was just one of those moments that...I mean for months, "I'm in the army Bouncy Icon Smilie"
now it's "I'm booted. :needhug:" and you probably need to know Dale to have an idea of how funny it was, but omg that was a moment I won't ever forget.

Anyway when we got to Union Town, they fixed him so he's back in the army now. Laugh it Up fuzball

So what else happened last week?

Ummmmm

Oh food!!!!

We were in KY again near Skyline Chili and I was sooooo excited, but when we got there, they weren't open that day! smilies/cage.gif Probably what I get for laughing at Dale. :giggle:

Then the other day we found the BEST Mexican place called Bajio, I think they may be a franchise and if you've got one in your area OMG I can't say yummy cause that doesn't begin to describe it...the food was fabulous!!! And I'm not easily impressed when it comes to Mexican food. I grew up in So Cal, I knew too many people from Mexico and I'm spoiled on their food, but this was delish!

Not much else happened last week, I got some writing done, but I mostly got a writing plan organized for the coming year and if I can just stay focused, and all goes well with my publishers, I'll have about 16 books out next year! WOOHOO!!!!! I'm Back!!!!!

I swear I've missed writing so much, and I've done next to nothing on it all year, which is soooo unlike me, but I have so much planned for next year...provided I can stay focused...I give you permission to do whatever it takes to get my focus back when it's left me! :gunsmilie:

Okay, anything but take away my sims!!!!!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Laugh it Up fuzball

Anyway, I know me, I know I'll fall off track probably a dozen or more times, it's the getting bak on that's important and Dale has gotten me something that I think may be the exact thing I need to help me stay focused and be more disciplined. It's the most amazing thing ever, I'm still in a bit of shock that he did this for me, but I'll tell you more about it next week once it all comes together. http://i135.photobucket.com/albums/q150/samanthalucas/Animated/smilies/wink/Happy.gif


till then...

:grouphug2:

I just love that smilie! :D

Take care, good week and ttys!

[Dani]

Poor Dale. I feel bad for him that he got kicked out of the army, but at least he's back in. LOL!

Glad you're getting on with your writing too. That's awesome!! :huepfen017:

[hollie]

OMG i hope he never meets the smurf i really could not cope with 2 of them Laugh it Up fuzball

[Dani]

OMG! That's why the whole situation seemed so familiar. Dale sounds like the Smurf. Laugh it Up fuzball

[Samantha Lucas]

Is that a good or a bad thing? :hide:

[hollie]

Laugh it Up fuzball it's good (and don't tell him i said this) but keeping fun in the relationship is half the battle we've been together for 15 years and we've been through some really hard times and we did it together so take it as a good sign.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

.
.
.
.
but sometimes it's like having an extra child and i already have 4 :wub:

[Samantha Lucas]

LMAO yeah I will admit, he's very childlike at times, but it never bothers me. I think because I know under that he's a responsible man.

My ex (not meaning to be mean) but he was childlike in that I always felt like I had to take care of him.

HUGE DIFFERENCE!

I feel so lucky every day to have Dale, so I appreciate you sharing Hollie. :)

[Samantha Lucas]

I hope everyone had a great Christmas! Mine wasn't the Christmas of my dreams, but I had Dale and my kids and even a real bed! LOL We stayed in a hotel for a few days, it was sheer heaven!

I posted a very personal blog about Christmas and the season on my author blog Christmas night, and I won't rewrite the entire thing here, but one thing I decided this year, was, next year, I want to have more of a spiritual holiday than I've had in recent years. When my kids were young we always celebrated advent and the 12 days of Christmas. The holiday just held so much more meaning and I miss it.

I think 2009 is the year of me bringing back my spiritual side, it's been pretty squished lately and I need it. :) Don't worry, I'm not talking preachy, religous fanatic, just deeply spiritual. I believe in a creator and a higher calling and in Christ, and that part of my life has been off line for the better part of a decade. I'm excited about reviving it and seeing what road that takes me down.

What else do I have planed for the new year? Well lots of writing for one...My first goal is 300,00 words in 60 days!

I have a six book series I want to write before I go back home and this is my last chance. So I'm buckling down, 5k a day, which under normal circumstances, really isn't that much of a stretch. So I know I can do this, it's just a matter of discipline at this point. :P

I have a new release out next month Legacy of Fear (http://samanthalucas.com/books.php?title=legacyoffear), arrives January 30th at Cobblestone Press, so I will be posting more about that in the coming days, and opening a thread here at Coffee Time, but otherwise, I'm going sort of quiet. Big thanks to everyone who supports me and all my readers. Stay with me in the new year, there's tons of good stuff coming!

[hollie]

I hope 2009 turns out to be everything you want it to be Samantha

[Samantha Lucas]

Thanks Hollie!

I wish you the same. :)

I think this is the first year in memory where I feel as strong as I do and as ready to take on my life. It's a wonderful thing and never would have happened without Dale and this van experience. LOL

I was telling Dale earlier, that right up until we moved into the van, I was still waiting every day for him to discover what a loon I was and dump me!

Then I told him the dumping options on this relationship have been terminated. He's stuck with me for good and I can't tell you how incredible that feels.

I was with my boys a little while ago and I asked them both if they would know when they met the right woman...after the jokes about the size of her breasts had ended :right: teenage boys sheesh, I told them I finally figured out why I had this empty spot all these years that nothing else filled. It was empty for Dale.

I've always felt this incredible loneliness and I know my oldest feels it too, and it doesn't matter who you're with or what you're doing, there's this part of you that's just empty and it's not a God thing and it's not a family or a mom thing. Maybe it's not that way for everyone, but it is for me. Dale fills that spot in my soul completely.

Maybe that's why they call it soul mates, who knows, but it amazes me that I don't ever feel lonely anymore, and it has nothing to do with the fact we're always together, it's deeper than that...anyway, I'm rambling as usual...

BTW, did I ever mention what Dale got me for Christmas?

http://i135.photobucket.com/albums/q150/samanthalucas/Personal%20Images/pets/Tess1.jpg

This is Tess and she's the sweetest litttle snuggly teddy bear of a pup you've ever met!

Have I mentioned lately how much I love Dale? lol

http://i135.photobucket.com/albums/q150/samanthalucas/Personal%20Images/pets/tess5.jpg

http://i135.photobucket.com/albums/q150/samanthalucas/Personal%20Images/pets/tess4.jpg

This was her family where she was very much loved, but very much getting lost in the shuffle of other dogs, so her family wanted a place for her where she could be the only dog and get lots of attention.

We met her "mom" totally by random in a petsmart in NY, it was the craziest thing, but the next day we were meeting Tess and we brought her home just in time for Christmas. :D

[Dani]

She's very sweet Samantha! :biggrin:

Good luck to you and Dale in 2009. :huepfen017:

[Samantha Lucas]

I hope the new year has been good to you so far! I'm wishing everyone peace and prosperity in 2009 and I'm praying we all get a break from the mundane and get to witness something truly special this year. :)

:NYGreeting06:

2009 for me is the year to get things back on track. Last year became this weird transitional year I think, from old life and twenty year marriage to new life and truly connecting with Dale and planning a future together. It was a time where I really, really had to accept my marriage only lasted 20 years, it was over, I was no longer connected to Dave in the same way anymore and that was how it would be from now on.

It may seem like a no brainer, but denial is a thing in my family. lol I never wanted to be divorced, I never set out to be divorced, it was this weird chain of events that led to it and all along the way I really thought Dave and I would work it out.

Then I met Dale and though I loved him dearly, I had all this guilt about leaving my marriage. It was awful! :sick:

Still, the journey of 2008, though bumpy and complicated, was a necessary thing for me. I lost everything of my old life, and I mean EVERYTHING, and when I finally accepted that my old life was dead, then I began to realize I needed to build something new, something special, something that was mine...and that was exciting!

I think living in the van with Dale has bonded him to me in a way I never was with my ex. I trust Dale more, I love him deeper, and I'm honestly excited about our future.

The hardest part of 2008 for me (and there were many hard parts to chose from angryrazz.gif) was loosing my cat.

Yes being away from my kids has been excruciating, but I think good for all of us in a lot of ways, but losing Cara is permanent.

She got out one day and never came back. I feel horrible because I'm sure she thought I'd abandoned her.
http://i135.photobucket.com/albums/q150/samanthalucas/Personal%20Images/Cara3.jpg

I still cry sometimes over her, I did just yesterday as a matter of fact. ...crap, I am now. :tear: I'll just leave it with I loved her so very much and I miss her greatly.

Looking ahead in 2009, I'm honestly excited for the first time in a long long time. I think rebuilding...no scratch that, building a life, is a lot of hard work and not always an easy journey, but I'm optimistic because this time, I'm building my own life. I'm not making the life others want or expect, I'm doing what I want, what I believe best and that's very exciting!

The first thing I've decided to tackle for 2009, is to take my writing waaaay more seriously and attempt a more polished professional side....HEE HEE. Oh wait no, seriously. lol

I love being a writer, I want to do it for as long as my mind creates stories, so I intend to do it on purpose from now on instead of by happenstance which has been mostly what has happened.

I'm opening a thread here to chart my progress this year and to give sneak peaks about characters and places I'll be writing about. My first goal of the year is 300,000 words in 60 days!

I have a six book series I want to write before I go back home and this is my last chance. So I'm buckling down, 5k a day, which under normal circumstances, really isn't that much of a stretch. So I know I can do this, it's just a matter of discipline at this point and so far so good. In three days I'm just over 15k, so wish me luck!

I'll share more of my 2008/2009 journey in a later post so keep tuned. :) I hope you're 2009 journey is a blessed one hugs for now ~ Samantha

[Samantha Lucas]

In about three weeks (everything going as planned :right:) I will start on a lifelong dream.

I bought a home!


http://i135.photobucket.com/albums/q150/samanthalucas/Animated/smilies/happy/th370351b44b4550b4b9503f65c40e030bc.gif (http://s135.photobucket.com/albums/q150/samanthalucas/Animated/smilies/happy/?action=view&current=th370351b44b4550b4b9503f65c40e030bc.gif) http://i135.photobucket.com/albums/q150/samanthalucas/Animated/smilies/happy/th1cb353a84e3f54c4ba093705cf1ca29dc.gif (http://s135.photobucket.com/albums/q150/samanthalucas/Animated/smilies/happy/?action=view&current=th1cb353a84e3f54c4ba093705cf1ca29dc.gif) http://i135.photobucket.com/albums/q150/samanthalucas/Animated/smilies/happy/th118E61117.gif (http://s135.photobucket.com/albums/q150/samanthalucas/Animated/smilies/happy/?action=view&current=th118E61117.gif) http://i135.photobucket.com/albums/q150/samanthalucas/Animated/smilies/happy/Dancing.gif (http://s135.photobucket.com/albums/q150/samanthalucas/Animated/smilies/happy/?action=view&current=Dancing.gif) http://i135.photobucket.com/albums/q150/samanthalucas/Animated/smilies/happy/danceojoy.gif (http://s135.photobucket.com/albums/q150/samanthalucas/Animated/smilies/happy/?action=view&current=danceojoy.gif)


We're still waiting on final approval which we should hear about next week, then we should be able to move in by March 1st at the latest! Okay it's not anything large and grand, to be honest it's a small mobile home, but I've paid for it cash with my royalties from last year and I can't adequately express the feeling of accomplishment I have in that. I'm humbled and gratified and beside myself silly with happiness!

Back to the lifelong dream part, it isn't buying a home, it's taking what I've bought and truly making it a home. There was always a lot of chaos surrounding my ex, and we had very different tastes in furnishings and colors, and though we had several lovely homes, none of them ever became that place I ached to be, that was always Disneyland. So I guess the goal, is to turn this new place into Disneyland. lol

I already have a ton of ideas and I'm so incredibly excited about digging in and getting started and one of the coolest things is I have a pretty good sized yard and I'll be moving in right in time for spring planting! :redbud:

smilies/broc.gif:tomato: WOOHOO :Watering:


So that's the biggest news so far, and one of the two things that have been delaying my writing grrrr, but so worth it. As for my 300,000 words in sixty days, clearly not gonna happen this time, but the cool part about that is, it did get me writing again. I have a whole book just about done and I kept writing even when life got crazy. It may have only been a few words here and there, but I kept going and I'm really happy about that. :D

I have however FINALLY put up that free read on my site that I've been telling you all about!




Anything She Wants
(http://samanthalucas.com/forfun.php)

Nick Chilton is having a personal crisis. His best friends are happily married and he's still waiting. Worse, he's waiting in the daunting shadow of the Chilton legacy. Moving to California for the summer was supposed to help, but he wasn't expecting to become completely obsessed with an elusive woman with secrets she won't share.


Keely has been half in love with Nick for ten years, though she knows he doesn't remember her. Despite the four years left on a commitment she can't escape, she still jumps at the chance to share three glorious carefree weeks with Nick.


Now Nick just has to convince her to turn three weeks into forever.



I'm nervous, because it's not professionally edited so please don't hold that against me! I love the story though and I hope you will too. Drop by and check it out.

Plus, while you're there, check out Legacy of Fea (http://samanthalucas.com/books.php?title=legacyoffear)r (http://samanthalucas.com/books.php?title=legacyoffear) my latest release coming to Cobblestone Press jan 30th!

In other news...Dale finally had his day in court, it didn't go great, but it didn't go terrible either, everyone in the court, including his ex's lawyer, was on Dale's side! It was almost amusing if it hadn't been such a hard thing to deal with in the first place, but the judgement went against Dale, because fact is he's still behind on his payments. That being said, we came away feeling supported and with great advice and direction. So all in all, I have to say it was a good day and we know what we have to do in the future to protect Dale and his kids. :)

Here's something interesting...I'm back in school! :GEEK:

I've signed up to take two classes this spring, Marketing 101 and Editing and Proofing. To be honest, I'm nervous, but excited too, which if you knew my school history you'd be amazed, trust me! I'm a fairly intelligent woman, but I crumble at tests and I put insane amounts of pressure on myself usually in school. I think this time though that I have a whole new outlook, well on life really from these five months on the road, but definitely on school, and I'm looking very forward to taking these classes and doing well in them. :smartass:

Someday soon, I'm going to write a blog, or hell, a book lol, about my six months road. These have been the six most challenging, wonderful, exciting, hard, six months of my life, and I've never been happier than I am right now.

I've learned and changed so much and grown so much. I'm more solid, and confident and have incredible peace in my soul again. What started out as a terrifying supposed 3 weeks, has turned into this fabulous life adventure that I will never forget and I thank every single person who's supported me, sent me an encouraging email, or sent up a good thought or prayer on mine and Dale's behalf. That has meant everything to me.

That's it for this week, stop by my site (http://samanthalucas.com/) and check out Nick and Keely's story and dont' forget about Legacy of Fear (http://samanthalucas.com/books.php?title=legacyoffear) coming to Cobblestone jan 30th!

Till next time, remember to live life today ~ Samantha

[hollie]

I'm so glad everything is working out for you and that you found being positive makes life easier and if you work at it life will help (in it's own way) you have learnt in 6 months what it took me 6 years to learn and unfortunatly some people never will. I hope you and Dale have a wonderful life together and things keep improving for you

[Samantha Lucas]

I think it was more remembering things I knew then learning new ones in a lot of instances. Most of the new things I've learned are relational with Dale, really cool things that make me think this one may actually work! lol

Part of my big problem last year was I hardly recognized myself anymore. I'd become someone who life had run over with a bus and hadn't gotten up. I usually always get back up, but this last time, it was like I'd just decided to lay there and whine and wait for the next bus. :P

Anyway, I am feeling a lot more like my old self which makes me very happy so thank you Hollie. :)

[Dani]

Congratulations on the house Samantha! That's fabulous. :huepfen017:

I'm also happy to hear about how court went. Maybe after you and Dale get into the house the situation can be changed. Lord knows it needs to be. I'll still be keeping my fingers crossed for this.

[Samantha Lucas]

Thanks Dani!

Geeze I haven't seen you in forever, where you beeeee?

And change is definitely what we're going for and I feel like FINALLY we have the right direction to go in. It's exciting! :D

[Dani]

I've been around. Lately though I've been having problems with my modem. It died a few days before Christmas, so I thankfully got a new one the day before Christmas, hooked it up and it took forever to work right. I went to Georgia for a week and came home and it was working. Then it quite working and then it worked again. Lately it's been playing the let's piss Dani off game again (what I previously described). The lights blink and I get NOTHING!!! This is me when that happens... :censored::po:BashingHead :flamingmad:!

Okay rant over.:rant:

[Samantha Lucas]

LOL I completely understand. I missed you though. :)

[Dani]

I missed you too! :biggrin:

[Samantha Lucas]

We heard from the park today, all things look good with our app, so in as little as two weeks I may be living in my very own home!

:jawdrop:

I can hardly believe it, I'm a bit numb to be honest. lol I can not wait to get in, sort out my poor boys, get to writing and writing and writing...and hopefully very soon, have Dale with me full time, coz OMG after these five months, I don't know how I'll spend my days without him. :Sniffle:

[Samantha Lucas]

I own my very own home!


AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA


http://i135.photobucket.com/albums/q150/samanthalucas/Animated/smilies/happy/th370351b44b4550b4b9503f65c40e030bc.gif (http://s135.photobucket.com/albums/q150/samanthalucas/Animated/smilies/happy/?action=view&current=th370351b44b4550b4b9503f65c40e030bc.gif) http://i135.photobucket.com/albums/q150/samanthalucas/Animated/smilies/happy/th1cb353a84e3f54c4ba093705cf1ca29dc.gif (http://s135.photobucket.com/albums/q150/samanthalucas/Animated/smilies/happy/?action=view&current=th1cb353a84e3f54c4ba093705cf1ca29dc.gif) http://i135.photobucket.com/albums/q150/samanthalucas/Animated/smilies/happy/th118E61117.gif (http://s135.photobucket.com/albums/q150/samanthalucas/Animated/smilies/happy/?action=view&current=th118E61117.gif) http://i135.photobucket.com/albums/q150/samanthalucas/Animated/smilies/happy/Dancing.gif (http://s135.photobucket.com/albums/q150/samanthalucas/Animated/smilies/happy/?action=view&current=Dancing.gif) http://i135.photobucket.com/albums/q150/samanthalucas/Animated/smilies/happy/danceojoy.gif (http://s135.photobucket.com/albums/q150/samanthalucas/Animated/smilies/happy/?action=view&current=danceojoy.gif)

[hollie]

Cheerleader congratulations sweetie Cheerleader

[Samantha Lucas]

Thank you Hollie!

I think this may be the most exciting thing that's happened to me since my first book contract! lol

I'm picking out paint colors as we speak! :D

[hollie]

don't mention paint :peepwall: do you remember me saying we were going to paint our living room just before christmas??

The Smurf spent 2 days painting the colours i picked well i don't like it. i do like the chocolate that is on the fire wall but the whiskey cream that is on the rest of the walls i hate.

[Samantha Lucas]

Oh no!

I hate when that happens. Dale's mom is getting her kitchen redone and we were there at Christmas and I complimented her paint choice, it was a beautiful peach color with sharp white trim.

Anyway, she thanked me, but said she almost died when she saw the color up on the wall the first time. Then she pulled out the paint sample chip. I swear if you'd picked that color from the chip, I think anyone would have been taken aback because it looked like a straight beige! Yet when you hold it to the color on the wall, it matches perfectly. :right:

Luckily she likes the color now, she was just shocked when it went up. lol

[Dani]

WooHoo!! Congrats on being a home owner now! :huepfen017: Bouncy Icon Smilie :huepfen017: Bouncy Icon Smilie

[Samantha Lucas]

Thank you Thank you Thank you!

So now that I'm a homeowner and all...guess what I did all day today????????????

[Dani]

Get the house fixed up (unpack and all), write or sleep? I'm not sure what you would do, but I'd probably get the house fixed up. LOL!

[Samantha Lucas]

Close...but no! :D

I planned my birthday trip to Disney World HEE HEE

Now that life stuff is settling and the home part is a done deal, I felt comfortable taking a trip, or at least planning for one. :D

As it stands now, Dale and I are going Sept 20 -24th staying at Port Orleans (French Quarter) and I did the upgraded food package.

YAY!

Oh please tell me these are all signs that life has finally turned and 2009 will be a wonderful year!

[Dani]

I should have figured you'd do that seeing as you a such a Disney freak! In all honesty I'm planning mine too. Even if only for a day (hopefully longer), I'm planning. :biggrin:

I'm sure that's what the signs are saying. Don't sweat it.

[Samantha Lucas]

HMPH

My move in date got pushed back three days.

I'm grumbly now. :hissyfit:

Ok not really, but kinda. lol

So when's your birthday Dani?????

[hollie]

Dani your planning your birthday already you only just had one??

I'm sorry Samantha but 3 days isn't long it will be gone sooner than you think

[Dani]

HMPH

My move in date got pushed back three days.

I'm grumbly now. :hissyfit:

Ok not really, but kinda. lol

So when's your birthday Dani?????
Three days isn't so bad. One of the moms at my son's school had to wait for at least two weeks to move in and I haven't seen her to find out what happened with it. There were problems with the sellers and all so that's what made it worse.

My birthday is Dec. 27th. LOL! I'm getting a very early start.


Dani your planning your birthday already you only just had one??

I'm sorry Samantha but 3 days isn't long it will be gone sooner than you think
Yeah, I know I just had a birthday, but it will be peek time and there are always TONS of people there during the holidays. Disney doesn't close for Christmas and that's when people take vacations too. That's the reason I'm already looking at things. LOL!

[Samantha Lucas]

I'm sorry Samantha but 3 days isn't long it will be gone sooner than you think

Oh I know, but a bunch of crap happened yesterday and that was the least of it, so I used it to vent. :) We're in drama with Dale and his ex again I'm afraid. :(

[Samantha Lucas]

Oh sheesh it's PACKED then. :P Too bad your birthday isn't a bit sooner, but at least it's the most beautiful time of the year to visit. :)

Dale's birthday is the 24th, so I'll link yours with his in my head, and now I shouldn't forget. :D

Hope you had a good last birthday. :)

[Dani]

Yeah, it is packed especially with Thanksgiving right before. I talked to a lady last summer when I went there that had been at Disney for three weeks and would be there one more week at least (lucky woman). I have a feeling that there are others out there that do that too, but start at Thanksgiving and go through Christmas. Others come before Christmas and stay through New Years.

Thanks Samantha. I was in Georgia on my birthday and it was so nice to be in the cold for a change.

[Samantha Lucas]

Oh Dani, I have a new life dream now!

That's the best time of year to visit though, after Thanksgiving but before winter break. I always loved that time of year at Disneyland, no one was there!

Dale and I are playing with that time of year for a wedding, or maybe spring...or fall. lol

[Dani]

You and me both Samantha!

You really can't decide when to have your wedding can you? Well let me give you some advice, it's HOT here any other time than Christmas through now in FL, so I suggest you make it in the winter if you're coming here. LOL!

[Samantha Lucas]

Well you have a very good point and I want an outside wedding and who wants a sweaty bride! :P LOL

[Samantha Lucas]

No one would believe me if I told you all that's been going on in my life this passed week, but I've had a book release, ended up with a house, a car, a fabulous new relationship with my ex, and a step son.

I think I'm dizzy. :dizzy:

[Dani]

Whoa, whoa, whoa... You have a good releationship with your ex? That is unbelievable especially after the way you've described him (kinda sounds like my bio dad...LOL). And what about the step-son? Did you get custody of one of Dale's kids (that's a blessing if you did)?

[hollie]

oh i hope it works for you tell us all about it

[Samantha Lucas]

okay, the ex is easier so I'll start there.

Right after I left him, he discovered he had Aspberger's Syndrome. At the time of course I didn't want to hear it cause I'd had enough.

Anyway, in an attempt to keep this as short as poss not to bore you to tears lol the five months on the road gave me distance from the whole situation and somewhere along the line I realized that most of our problems were caused by the AS, especially since it was undiagnosed.

He's been working really hard to try and manage his life, and this is going to sound terrible, but his life is still a mess. At one point it just hit me, all those years we were together, he must have been working his ass off just to get to the level he'd been at, because now, knowing about the AS and trying to work with it, but having no "wife" pressure, I see what he's truly capable off and I felt horrible.

I talked to Dale about it, he encouraged me to talk to Dave and we had the best conversation. I told him how sorry I was for really never appreciating his efforts, and not understanding how hard he must have been trying. He told me how much he liked and appreciated Dale for being the man for me he never could be and OMG now we're one big happy family!

Seriously, Dale and Dave are helping each other out with stuff, like Dave's really anal and great with paperwork and such, and we've been needing some aid with that lately, and Dale's great at fixing this and that, and Dave was needing some plumbing and car help.

It's weird, but so wonderful all at the same time. Like we were all at the mall this one day (there's a community college there and Dave was helping me with some of my school stuff) anyway, when we finished we went to grab some lunch and I had to make a call so I stepped away from the table...

I looked back and there's both my kids, Dale and Dave all chatting and laughing together!

This has been going on for about a month now, kinda building, but this week, it was like it all just fell into place and everything is so relaxed.

It may sound unbelievable, but there you go. :)

ok, no if you thought that was weird or bad, wait for this.

You remember last week when I said we were going through more drama with Dale's ex? Well the youngest had an episode where he threatened to cut himself with a knife, so as is her usual course of action, she had him locked up in the psyche ward for yet another evaluation.

This happens on a Monday, she tells Dale on Thursday saying, "we had to have a family meeting first to decide whether or not you could know"

:err:
Excuse me???????

So anyway, we just happened to be hauling a load from Vermont, where I did not see one single moose HMPH, to Atlanta that went right passed the hospital, so we stopped.

Oh, and did I mention that when she called, she said like three things to him, got mad at something he said, hung up and never answered her phone after that. So we had no clue why he was in the hospital, what all was going on, it was awful!

So we get there and Elijah told his dad what happened and he talked to the staff and they were telling Dale the same thing they've been told by every hospital and counselor she's dragged this kid too. He has anxiety (gee wonder why) and has trouble handling it.

So they go to discharge him the following Monday, with yet another course of action his mother won't even bother with, especially since they always start by saying he needs more structure and consistency in his home, So anyway... she refuses to pick him up.

Now understand by this time, Dale and I are in Oklahoma in the middle of that HUGE ice storm last week and she texts Dale and says, I'm mentally worn out, you can either pick him up or I guess he'll just be a ward of the state.

:err:

WTF??????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So anyway, Dale calls the hospital and a lawyer and we try and figure out how the hell we can get out of the ice to go get him.

The hospital has to alert Social Services because the child has (in there eyes) has been abandoned, but they understand Dale's position and they work with us and it takes us three freaking days to get home and all the while we're calling every child welfare agency and law enforcement agency we can come up with to find out what Dale's legal rights are because social services are arguing amongst themselves (the county the hospital is in vs the county he lived in) about who files the abandonment charges, and we've already been told by this point that until something is filed she can just up and change her mind and Elijah goes back with her.

So anyway, we got into town on Thursday, Dale's mom met us and drove us all over the place, since all we have is the van. We got Elijah, filed all kinds of paperwork, then, because we'd spent our last dime driving across country and the mobile home I bought wasn't ready until middle of next week, Dale goes to social services and explains what all has happened and that we need help.

I swear, you say a mother has abandoned a child and everyone is suddenly up in arms and circling the ranks! I have never known any government agency, let alone SS be so damn helpful!

They've got us in a motel, have given us groceries, have helped Dale file all the necessary paperwork to sue her for custody based on abandonment (and not just for Elijah, he's going after Zachary too) and then to top it all off, they told Dale yesterday that because she caused all this (our needing aid) they'll be sending her a bill!

OMG I wish I could see the look on her face when she gets that! Innocent?

Anyway, so even the man who we've bought the mobile home from has been so kind, he's trying to move out today, but he says he'll be out tomorrow at the latest. Then we can be in out own place.

Then Dale has to find a new job, because he can't be on the road anymore (secretly thrilled over that Cheerleader) The we have more paperwork to file because we're about 99% sure he's going to home school Elijah from this point, which of course I'm again thrilled about! And then last night, I ran into an old friend who just happens to be selling his car at the exact top of our price range, but still within the budget we'd set, so we think we have a car!

So that's that. :)

Told you it'd been a week. :melvin:

[hollie]

oh that is amazing news :clap: i am so happy for all of you. Give Dale and the kids a big hug from me.

Is your email on sweetie? when i tried last week it didn't work

[Samantha Lucas]

Do you mean msngr? coz yeah I upgraded it and it won't sign itself in anymore, and I always forget it's there. :P Bad me, but if you shoot me an email to the gmail address and say turn on your dang msngr...I will :D

And thank you btw, I'm thrilled myself. So much is going on here, has been for a month or so, in all different areas, it's like the heavens are aligning or someting. lol

[Dani]

That is soooooo totally awesome Samantha!! I'm very happy for you and what's going on. It's about damn time things go good for you two. I hope that Dale gets custody of the kids so they have a stable home and loving parents that they will be able to communicate with always.

[Samantha Lucas]

Thanks Dani! I hope so too. It's taking all the self control I've got not to throttle that woman the more and more we learn from Dale's son about what's been going on.

Dale got his papers served today though, and he has pre-trial court dates for end of feb and beginning of march. We've sort of battened down the hatches waiting for the storm once she finds out he's filed for custody of both boys as well as to stop paying child support for the one we have.

Apparently we've been told by the oldest that her and the bf assume Dale's just going to keep paying the full amount. :right:

On a very positive up side, we've moved!

Dale, as I type, is taking down walls trying to turn this two bedroom into a three bedroom, bless his heart. LOL He seems to think he can do it, so I'm being quietly supportive. :sofa:

Meanwhile I've been painting and cleaning my kitchen in the hopes of buying groceries and cooking a real meal very soon!

Oh and I bought a car, so we're hoping to pick that up this weekend when we'll have Dale's other son over for the first time since all this happened, so it should be interesting. :whistilin:

[Dani]

I want to do more that to her and I only know what you've mentioned to me about it all. I think all mothers that act like that should be shot. They take what's given to them for their child(ren) and use it on themselves. We have quite a few moms like that at my mom's school. One mom was giving her son to his grandmother to raise because she didn't want him, but she wanted the three girls. Personally, they need to go with the grandmother too. We bought them clothes and shoes for Christmas because they didn't have much. The boy didn't even have a jacket for the really cold days. Mom had to find him a couple to wear to keep properly warm. What's worse is that the mom never filled out any form for a program that the school has saying they needed anything until the very last minute and that's because my mom gave it to her and told her too. I was so mad when I heard that. I wanted to throughly beat her for it too (and I'm not usually vindictive). No child should ever be treated that way.

[Samantha Lucas]

Believe me I know. This situation is bringing out my mother bear side in full force!

We have the oldest this weekend, and it seems to me, that they're just the happy little family now that they've gotten rid of Elijah.

I'll PM you the rest. I don't want to aggravate people who don't want to know by posting it all here. :D

[Dani]

Well, at least Elijah is with you two and will be safe and secure and will feel loved and wanted always.

[Samantha Lucas]

Well I certainly hope so.

His counselors were here the other day and they told Dale after their meeting with him, the fist thing he said was "I'm happy here!" :D

[Samantha Lucas]

This is a partial repost from my blog (http://samanthalucas.com/blog), a lot of it was already posted here, but the most up to date info has been added. To read the whole thing, stop by my site. Thanks :D

Grab some tea, this one will be long! lol

The last time I wrote, I'd bought a house and we were anticipating the move. Well if you've been over at the coffee time forums (http://www.coffeetimeromance.com/board/forumdisplay.php?f=676) then maybe you already know all this, but about three weeks ago, around the same time I wrote last, Dale's youngest son, who's eight, was hospitalized for trying to hurt himself with a knife.

Dale's ex, mother of year that she is...sorry, I will try not to let my distaste for that woman seep through much, but stick with me...had him locked up in the psyche ward. This is I believe the third time she's done that over the past two years, and every time they do an evaluation and find nothing wrong except he has some anxiety and trouble handling his anger.

Well mother doesn't like this answer, so she's always looking for someone to medicate him and tell her he's defective in some way. Anyway, this last time, it happened on a Monday when Dale and I just happened to be in town, but did she call him and tell him????????? NO! She calls on Thursday when we're in NY and says, "we had to have a family meeting first to decide whether or not to tell you"

:err:
Excuse me???????

This is his father! Of course you bloody well tell him!

As fate would have it, we just happened to be about to haul a load from Vermont, where I did not see one single moose by the way despite all their moose crossing signs...



and were headed to Atlanta. We got the call in enough time we could route ourselves right passed the hospital, so of course we stopped.



Oh, and did I mention that when she called, she said like three things to him, got mad at something he said, hung up (as is her way http://i135.photobucket.com/albums/q150/samanthalucas/Animated/smilies/eye%20roll/4h7jgvq.gif (http://s135.photobucket.com/albums/q150/samanthalucas/Animated/smilies/eye%20roll/?action=view&current=4h7jgvq.gif))and never answered her phone after that. So we had no clue why he was in the hospital at that time or what all was going on, it was awful!

...as I said at the beginning, this was a long post, with new info added, so stop by the blog (http://samanthalucas.com/blog)and say hi while you're there! :)

[CharmedGirl]

That is awful Samantha. It just goes to show that some women shouldn't be mothers.

[Samantha Lucas]

Not everybody's cut out for it that's for sure.

I think the problem is, a lot of women don't realize it until after they are mothers. :dunno:

[Samantha Lucas]

Tonight was the night, Dale left to take the van back to Indiana and I actually cried.

Now, don't get me wrong, I'm beyond happy to be in my new home, to have my kids and Elijah, and have Dale off the road. Those are the things I ache for, but of course there is a part of me that is sad to see this time in my life end.

For five months I had Dale 100% to myself, as he had me. We were like two kids on our honeymoon, free and in love and just the two of us...well, and Tess towards the end. lol

I have so many wonderful memories of places I never imagined I'd see. We had so much fun and laughed more than I have in my life. Even when it got hard, Dale knew exactly how to make me laugh. I'm an incredibly lucky woman to have such a wonderful man in my life. I love him more than I think he knows, it surprises me sometimes how much I love him. I don't think I realized before I could love like this, it's an amazing a gift.

So tonight, as a chapter in my life ends, I'm just a wee bit sad to see it go, but can't wait to see what the next chapter holds. :D

[Samantha Lucas]

Project after project today 1st up...getting Elijah settled. We're going to fix up his room today, get him a TV and his game system set up so he has a space to call his own. :D

We're going to try and get it all set up while he's gone...He has an appointment with his psychiatrist today, so it will be a surprise. :D

Then I need to handle the laundry situation, because it's out of control. LOL

Then the kitchen ... UGH too much stuff!!
Anyone need anything??????? :D

Should keep me busy most of the day. :D

[Samantha Lucas]

I'm blogging today at Liquid Silver, but I totally forgot and just now posted a little something about Valentines. Anyone who reads this, please be a wonderful friend and stop over there for a quick sec and say hi. :D

It's just I posted waaaaay late and I feel horrible, so anyone who could stop, I'd appreciate it.

http://www.liquidsilverbooks.com/blog/

[Dani]

Sorry I didn't see the posts, but I've been having my own little crisis lately with my son (something to post in an email later).

[Samantha Lucas]

Oh no Dani, I'm so sorry. I hope it's working out and I'll wait for the email. HUGS in the meantime.

[Samantha Lucas]

My oldest gave me today for Valentines. He gave it to me, took two steps back and said, "I'll just wait here till your done reading."

Then I started reading and balled my eyes out for ten minutes!
Here it is, I hope everyone is having a fabulous Valentines!

My mom is a person who believes in life's bright side.
I know, because she's helped me find it many times.

She is someone who considers another's feelings first.
I know, because she's always cared for mine.

My mom is a friend who will stop everything else to listen, to be a special source of understanding, and to offer hope and help in anyway she can.
I know, because she's always been a guiding light for me.

I know how wonderful my mom is, but what I wish for is the perfect way to let her know how much she means to me.

I love you, Mom...
and just thinking of you has the power to brighten up my day.

[Dani]

OMG! That is soooo sweet. I read it out to my mom and she said, 'At that age stuff like that wasn't on your mind.' LOL! That should tell you that you have a very special son!

That email is still coming honest. I've just been having trouble with my internet again (which totally sucks).

[hollie]

oh wow that is so sweet i hope my kids feel that way about me one day at the moment i'm enemy number one

[CharmedGirl]

That is beautiful Sam. Such precious words written there. Your son sounds very talented.


oh wow that is so sweet i hope my kids feel that way about me one day at the moment i'm enemy number one

Enemy number one? That doesn't sound very good Hollie.

[Samantha Lucas]

Thank you :) I'm telling you that card made my life, seriously. It's one of those moments you hope will happen, but never think you'll actually get, and then there it is. And this from a kid who rarely even acknowledges my birthday. lol

Anyway, Hollie, I wouldn't sweat that, I've been that too. LOL It passes. Thankfully!

And Dani, still waiting! ;)

[Dani]

Laugh it Up fuzball It's coming!

[Samantha Lucas]

Uh-huh

and I believe this is where I say, and so is Christmas. ;) Seriously though, I hope things are okay

[Samantha Lucas]

I think, mind you I am trepidatiously saying think, my life is settling down from the month long whirlwind it's been in ever since Elijah was abandoned by his mother and we took custody of him.

That kid, is the sweetest, most cheerful, helpful kid I've ever known. It amazes me all he's been through and that he's still so trusting and sweet. I gave him my old ten gallon fish tank last night, and we made a big deal out of going to get him fish, it was SO cute.

Anyway, so the house is livable, not all sorted or unpacked, but we've hit livable. Dale and I got through our first real fight...that was fun :P. Dale's started the big job hunt :P and now, I write!

I cackle like a demented evil scientist here, because OMG I miss writing like you would not believe! It's like part of my soul has been missing, but there has just not been a way to do it while dealing with all this other stuff...but now!

I write!!!!!!!!

I can not wait to have my first finished ms ready to go to the publisher! I just have to decide which out of the five stories most loudly screaming in my head currently will be the one to write. :D

Hope everyone is doing well, I have a date tonight with youngest to watch Survivor. :D I can't wait!

[Dani]

That's so cool! It's good that he's happy and having a good time.

[Samantha Lucas]

I'm Blogging today at Samhain (http://samhainpublishing.com/blog/2009/02/25/fun-fun-fun) come by and share what you do with your down time...if you get any lol then come by my site (http://samanthalucas.com) and check out the links to some of my favorite places to play

[CharmedGirl]

Sorry I missed it Sam. I bet being there would have been a lot of fun!

[Samantha Lucas]

Awww, you're sweet, thanks for the thought though. :)

Honestly, I'm an awful blogger, I think my shy side gets in the way too much. How bad is that when you're even shy on line completely alone? lol

I am dead tired. Dale had court today, but they just postponed it until after the custody issues are settled. This annoyed me to no end, because I've discovered that that woman he used to be married to is the only person on the planet, in my entire life that stirs incredibly angry feelings that wear me out!

Oh and lucky me, we ran into her again at Wal-Mart tonight. UGH

I have always been a very live at let live sort of person, but there is something in that woman that is...I'm sorry, the only word for it is evil. I can feel it.

Anyway, not to get to dark on y'all, and this is entirely petty and also not usually like me, but with the day I've had I'm venting :D Please bear with me, but OMG it looks as if she had a terrible accident with a can of red spray paint.

I'm dead serious, she has a strip of red across the front of her hair that the only way to describe was like she took a can of red spray paint to it. Then this afternoon when I saw her, she had her hair pulled back in a pony tail, and I swear she looked like she was wearing a clown wig!

Okay, petty moment over. sigh sorry. I'm just exhausted and upset over all that woman has gotten away with. Today after Elijah saw her, it was about three hours before he smiled again and we had to explain again to him that she doesn't want custody of him. He for some reason got it in his head, that Dale took him away from his mom and that she was taking Dale to court to get Ellijah back!

People should not be allowed to emotionally torture a child and I've heard enough straight from Elijah's mouth to know that's what's happened here. I won't badmouth Social Services, I do know what kind of things they are dealing with, but it just kills me that the policy seems to be that unless there are bruises, they don't have the time for it. Elijah's bruises and scars are very real and very deep and that woman should be held accountable.

OMG I'm so sorry, totally vented all over whoever is kind enough to stop by. Like I said, it's been a long day. :(

[Samantha Lucas]

http://i135.photobucket.com/albums/q150/samanthalucas/Animals/helpers.jpg

I thought this was too cute not to pass along ;)

[CharmedGirl]

awwwwww that picture is adorable Samantha.

[Samantha Lucas]

Well it's been just over a month since that icy day in Oklahoma where we got the call about Elijah. So much has changed since then, we're no longer on the road, we have a home, we're kinda settled, although there still tons to do lol, and we have Elijah with us all the time now. It's been a LONG time since I've had an 8 year old, WOW you have no idea.

Things are settling down into some semblance of normal, I think. Dale is still dealing with court and social service, I'll be glad when that's all done. He's still looking for work, sigh, but we've started Elijah's schooling so that's great!

We had a bit of a meltdown the first week we were here, that sucked, but getting over that speedbump, things have been smoother. Although I am learning that relationships are just never easy. I mean Dale and I, when it's just Dale and I, fit together so perfectly an so effortlessly. Throw in my kids, his kids, a home, the electric bill, the chores...and it starts to get complicated.

I swear I'm totally looking forward to retirement! LMAO

I want to retire on a tropical beach somewhere and not tell anyone where we are. lol


http://i135.photobucket.com/albums/q150/samanthalucas/tropisland.jpg (http://s135.photobucket.com/albums/q150/samanthalucas/?action=view&current=tropisland.jpg)


But until that happens, I just need to weather any storms, fly over the speedbumps and keep my focus on the goal...FAMILY. I want to provide Elijah with something he's really never experienced since his mother snuck out in the night, taking both boys with her when they were 3 and 4. I'd also like to remind my boys of what family is. It's been a long time since I've really felt like our family was running the way it should. So I have high hopes and big dreams and this is just the beginning so I really need patience to make it the long haul.

On the writing front, I put it away for the last month entirely, too much going on, but I've already told everyone that I'm back at it this week, and I can't wait!

My friend Mark, I love that man, gave me some fabulous advice this morning on marriage and families and combining households. He's truly very smart about these things and is forever sharing with me "the man's perspective" in different situations, which I find incredibly helpful...you know that men are from mars thing? Well it's like I have my own personal translator and I have no idea how I'd get on without him. lol



http://i135.photobucket.com/albums/q150/samanthalucas/Cartoons/MiscCartoon15.jpg (http://s135.photobucket.com/albums/q150/samanthalucas/Cartoons/?action=view&current=MiscCartoon15.jpg)

So going into this week, I'm going to be stronger, I'm going to be more proactive in keeping everyone on the schedule we've already agreed too, and I'm not going to feel guilt for needing a break!

AND I'm going to write!!!!!!!!!!

oh I hope LOL

I guess that's all I've got for this week, thanks for stopping by, and feel free to share your stories and if you've done the blended family thing, and have advice, I'm willing to listen! :D I believe a smart person learns from their mistakes, a wise one learns from others...or at least from hearing their stories. ;)

Have a great rest of the weekend :)

[CharmedGirl]

Can I visit that beautiful tropical island in the pic? It looks like a place where I could sit back and relax.

[Dani]

Awww, you're sweet, thanks for the thought though. :)

Honestly, I'm an awful blogger, I think my shy side gets in the way too much. How bad is that when you're even shy on line completely alone? lol

I am dead tired. Dale had court today, but they just postponed it until after the custody issues are settled. This annoyed me to no end, because I've discovered that that woman he used to be married to is the only person on the planet, in my entire life that stirs incredibly angry feelings that wear me out!

Oh and lucky me, we ran into her again at Wal-Mart tonight. UGH

I have always been a very live at let live sort of person, but there is something in that woman that is...I'm sorry, the only word for it is evil. I can feel it.

Anyway, not to get to dark on y'all, and this is entirely petty and also not usually like me, but with the day I've had I'm venting :D Please bear with me, but OMG it looks as if she had a terrible accident with a can of red spray paint.

I'm dead serious, she has a strip of red across the front of her hair that the only way to describe was like she took a can of red spray paint to it. Then this afternoon when I saw her, she had her hair pulled back in a pony tail, and I swear she looked like she was wearing a clown wig!

Okay, petty moment over. sigh sorry. I'm just exhausted and upset over all that woman has gotten away with. Today after Elijah saw her, it was about three hours before he smiled again and we had to explain again to him that she doesn't want custody of him. He for some reason got it in his head, that Dale took him away from his mom and that she was taking Dale to court to get Ellijah back!

People should not be allowed to emotionally torture a child and I've heard enough straight from Elijah's mouth to know that's what's happened here. I won't badmouth Social Services, I do know what kind of things they are dealing with, but it just kills me that the policy seems to be that unless there are bruises, they don't have the time for it. Elijah's bruises and scars are very real and very deep and that woman should be held accountable.

OMG I'm so sorry, totally vented all over whoever is kind enough to stop by. Like I said, it's been a long day. :(
Sweetie, you are more than welcome to vent all you want and if you don't want to do it here, just email me. I'll listen anytime. I totally agree that she needs to be accountable for all his emotional scars.

[Samantha Lucas]

Thank you Dani :)

My biggest concern is offending someone by something I may post in a vent, because this is so public. At the same time, I guess I've always believed in sharing what goes on in my life in the hopes that something I may share could help, or comfort someone else, or at least make someone going through similar things not feel so alone.

Who knows if it works, but that's how I feel about it.

And thank you Dani, I appreciate your offer, and I will continue to take you up on it, as I have in the past and always appreciated it. :)

[Samantha Lucas]

Can I visit that beautiful tropical island in the pic? It looks like a place where I could sit back and relax.

I'll save you a spot on the beach! ;)

[Samantha Lucas]

It's late, I'm tired, and soooooooooo ready for Saturday. (my personal day off) It's supposed to be 75 this weekend, the snow will all be melted and I'm going to do two things...plan my spring garden, and play Sims2! hee hee

Anyone else got plans for the weekend?

[Dani]

I slept in and helped clean the kid's room on Saturday. I slept in again on Sunday and later helped cook dinner. We basically had Thanksgiving dinner in March. It was yummy! LOL!

[Samantha Lucas]

I slept in and helped clean the kid's room on Saturday. I slept in again on Sunday and later helped cook dinner. We basically had Thanksgiving dinner in March. It was yummy! LOL!

Oooh YUM! :D My kitchen is no where near organized enough yet to cook big meals...sigh, but some day :D

[Samantha Lucas]

Okay so here's what's new...We have Zachary (dale's) tonight, and it's about time to take him back, but his ex JUST called and said "it's stupid to fight over custody, so you just keep him." OMG are you kidding me???!!!

[Dani]

Okay so here's what's new...We have Zachary (dale's) tonight, and it's about time to take him back, but his ex JUST called and said "it's stupid to fight over custody, so you just keep him." OMG are you kidding me???!!!
OMG! No way? What the hell is she thinking? :wacko:

Well, the boys are better off with you and Dale anyway.

[hollie]

Okay so here's what's new...We have Zachary (dale's) tonight, and it's about time to take him back, but his ex JUST called and said "it's stupid to fight over custody, so you just keep him." OMG are you kidding me???!!!

Do you think she worked out that kids involve work and if she doesn't have them she is free to do what she wants all the time?

well what ever the reason congratulations to all of you :wub:

[Samantha Lucas]

I agree Dani, it's just such a switch from exactly one week ago when she told Dale and the judge during the pre trial that there was no way in hell she'd let Dale have Zachary.

My first concern is for the boys of course, then Dale, but when they are all safe and the legal part is all said and done, I honestly think that woman needs professional help, because she's not right in the head. And I don't mean that to be nasty, I'm serious, she needs help. I hope she somehow gets it.

So today we're scrambling to re-do paperwork. I swear no matter how much paperwork we fill out and turn in to this person or that, there still seems to be a ton of it to do! :P

Dale is STILL looking for work :P which means money is getting tight, that sucks, but I keep thinking, we just need to get through day to day for right now, and a year form now, I think life will look pretty wonderful. :D

[Samantha Lucas]

My life has been a complete chaotic white water ride for over a year now. I've blogged about it enough for anyone to know that. My problem is, I bought a home, we have both Dale's kids now, and of course my two lumps ;-) and in theory, life should be settling, except I'm not sure if it is.

We still have court and social services to deal with, who called today and said they would not be prosecuting Dale's ex because in their opinion, she made a plan for Elijah when she told Dale to pick him up or he'd be a ward of the state. http://i135.photobucket.com/albums/q150/samanthalucas/Animated/smilies/mad/flaming_.gif (http://s135.photobucket.com/albums/q150/samanthalucas/Animated/smilies/mad/?action=view&current=flaming_.gif) So once again, someone gets to damage a child and not be held accountable...anyway, not the point here.

So I find I spend most of my days now, cooking, cleaning, scheduling and organizing six people, by the time I'm done with all that, I just want to play some silly computer game for a bit, then crash...so in other words, I'm not writing.

And it's not that I'm not writing now, it's that I haven't been writing for months and I honestly feel like I'm at that precarious place where if I don't get my butt in gear and start writing, finishing, polishing and subbing, I'm not ever going to again.

Of course then I do the, "but no one would care whether I wrote another book again or not", and besides the ridiculous self pity aspect of that sentiment, fact is, I've written all my life, not because anyone cared or didn't, but because I loved it.

I'm just really scared that if I don't get a manuscript written and turned in soon, I'm not ever going to write professionally again. Maybe it's a momentum thing, I don't know, all I know, is I feel that cliff, or crossroads, or whatever you want to call it, looming over me. This is a pivotal life moment for me, I know which way I want to go, but I'm not sure which way I'm going to go. :(

[Dani]

Okay, your state must be stupid (or someone got paid off) because if they think that giving Dale an ultimatium for Elijah's welfare is a plan then they have a serious problem. I wanna know what they would have done if she'd given Dale the same ultimatium for his other son. You still need to have her legally sign over custody of the boys to Dale, so contact a lawyer or legal aid to see what needs to be done.

On a side note... I still think she's a whack job.

[Samantha Lucas]

You and me both. I tell you today was not a good day in that respect. We had a feeling from the beginning they never took this case serious because Dale was there and did get him. So in their eyes he was never really abandoned.

Now I totally understand that social services has a ton on their plate, I do, but this woman has done so much harm and then in the end just gets rid of both of these kids and I want someone in an official capacity to say this behavior is not okay!

Sigh

Not going to happen I guess. Dale has court on the 17th of April to finalize custody, the problem is, we were really needing SS to charge their mom, because as it stands now, as we've been told, she can change her mind at any second and definitely get Zachary back, and possibly Elijah too until the 17th then the judge would make his final decision.

It makes no sense to me at all, but the older I get, the less about life makes sense. :p

[Samantha Lucas]

What happens when you become everything everyone always wanted you to be...and you hate it??!! Because that's where I'm at.

http://i135.photobucket.com/albums/q150/samanthalucas/Animated/smilies/crazy/4536emo-messbrasil.gif (http://s135.photobucket.com/albums/q150/samanthalucas/Animated/smilies/crazy/?action=view&current=4536emo-messbrasil.gif)

All my life I've been told I'm too sensitive, not focused, too irresponsible, not disciplined enough, too dreamy, selfish, lazy, too distractable...oooh was that a butterfly?


http://i135.photobucket.com/albums/q150/samanthalucas/Animated/butterflies/bfly3t.gif (http://s135.photobucket.com/albums/q150/samanthalucas/Animated/butterflies/?action=view&current=bfly3t.gif)


Ok, but seriously, since ending my marriage, I've changed, I've somehow become all the things nearly every person I've ever known has told me I should be...

I no longer experience really high highs and desperately low lows. My emotions seem to have leveled off. I rarely cry, but I'm not laughing as much either. I can only remember maybe three days I've been depressed all year, but then I don't get giddy with anticipation or joy either.

I'm not food crazy anymore, in fact I have mealtimes on a rigid schedule and I come through every day cooking three meals at the same times every day, but I'm not excited about being in the kitchen, about experimenting, about creating.

I'm not hurting from people constantly finding me lacking. I'm not looking for, or even all that interested in, finding people who understand me, who want to be friends, whatever...I just don't let anyone in anymore.

I have only one pet and I'm very fastidious about walking her and caring for her, and she's the best behaved dog I've ever had, but I don't feel really connected to her the way I have my pets in the past.

I'm not reading, I'm not writing, I'm not gardening.

When I get really stressed, I play mind numbing computer games obsessively as opposed to prayer and meditation in my garden or going to Disneyland. :(

Thing is, the overall picture of my life these days, exactly meets the expectations of the people who used to be in my life and found me unworthy...

and I'm miserable. :(

I miss my creativity and my passion.

I miss my connection with God.

I miss my joy and peace.


I MISS ME!!!!!!


I think there are three major components to this problem...



I'm afraid of being hurt again like I was by the four miscarriages, my marriage not lasting, friends deserting me, my family not wanting me.
I'm afraid of my life being in constant chaos and deteriorating like it did with Dave. So I'm becoming super obsessive and need to control everything so that doesn't happen.
I've been lost without Disneyland. That place is my heart, I always heard God there, I always connected to the deepest parts of me there, which of course is another thing people told me was stupid, so I left Disneyland, for what? To prove I didn't need the place maybe, but ten years later, I still feel a hole in my heart where home used to be.

Now I find myself in this very strange position of second wife and step mom and that's taking over. Every day I find myself walking further down a path I'm not certain I'm supposed to be on, all the while looking over my shoulder as the path I know fades into the distance.

That's not to say I don't want to be with Dale and his boys, what I am saying is that I think how I'm handling it is wrong. I'm repeating the same mistakes I did when my kids were young, completely giving up myself to take care of others. I don't want to do that again, but the problem I have right now is way bigger than all of that, I've lost me.

And worse, the me I'm becoming, everyone around me thinks is wonderful, but inside, I hate her. :( Honestly the sound of my own voice right now is making me nauseous. My wonderful friend Mark, says give it time. He says I've been under so much stress for so long now, which is true, but in all honesty, my life hasn't been my own for ten years! I don't want to give it any more time!

The scariest part of all of this, is my head is fuzzy at this point, it's almost as if the memories of who I used to be, the me I loved, is fading and I guess my fear is, that memory is my only map back. Then again, going back has never seemed like a viable option to me, so do I go sideways??!!!

And yes I'm a chronic over thinker and that doesn't help!

I probably should have titled this post, lunatic ramblings of a half sane woman. lol

I'm struggling. I wrote last week that I felt at a crossroads with my writing, I think it's bigger than just my writing, I think it's the whole next chapter of my life at stake...but what do I do?

[Samantha Lucas]

I just put a great short film on my blog. I'd love it if you'd come by and look. http://samanthalucas.com/blog It'll make your heart smile!

[CharmedGirl]

Great short film Sam. I like it.

[Samantha Lucas]

I need Rick Castle's screen saver!

[Samantha Lucas]

I have hired oldest as assistant...

Downside ~ He's giving me story ideas, something about the undead and jet packs. :right:

Upside ~ I've gotten 3500 words written in the past hour and a half! Bouncy Icon Smilie

[hollie]

thats great Sam tell your boy to write his ideas down even if it's just notes one day they might develope into a story and then you could be 2 author family

[Samantha Lucas]

Actually it's my youngest who got the story telling gene. He does amazing character development. My oldest is the artist and together they are building their own company to develop and sell video games.

It's very exciting really, but they have a long road ahead of them.

[CharmedGirl]

Upside ~ I've gotten 3500 words written in the past hour and a half! Bouncy Icon Smilie

Congrats Sam. 3500 words written is great in an hour and a half.

[Samantha Lucas]

Thanks!

I'm hovering around 9k at the moment, but I think today is going to be a little plotting a little polishing because I've got errands to run and I never seem to be able to write on errand day. lol

[Samantha Lucas]

Life is such a weird thing.

This was a good week though, I've written nearly 12k on a new story that I'm loving. I've taken a walk with my dog every day back into the neighborhood behind where we're living now where the horses are! I've lost five pounds :) that's always good, but over all just felt really productive this week.

Now if I could just get rid of the tension I feel my body carrying around I'd be fabulous!

I suppose after court on the 17th that should change. I hope. I hope. I hope.

[Samantha Lucas]

I started a new thread, kinda like this one, but primarily to ramble about writing. LOL It's WIPS and WOES. I'm trying to get my writing feet back under me, and I think I've got a solid start, and by putting my efforts down in print (here and on my blog (http://samanthalucas.com/blog)) it helps keep me accountable. :D

So feel free to drop by that thread and give me your two cents or share some of your own writing woes and joys, I'd love the inspiration. ;-)

[Samantha Lucas]

My internet is being incredibly persnickety and is off more than it's on right now. Worst part is, the cable company can't find anything wrong. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Writing is going along SLOWLY but smoothly for the most part.

Court is a week from Friday.

Found out yesterday that old landlord is suing us for three thousand dollars in supposed damages to his apartment. OMG are you freaking kidding me!!?? The day we moved out, we were up till four thirty in the morning, cleaning and shampooing carpet so we'd get our deposit back. The Landlord was even there and Dale asked him if he saw anything we needed to fix or paint or anything and he said no, everything looks good. Now suddenly eight months later there's 3k in damages!!!???

Coz we needed this. Sheesh

Dale finally found work! :D It's really bad out there if you're unemployed, my heart goes out to you all. :(

Homelife is going incredibly well. I kind of keep waiting for the other shoe to drop. The kids are all getting along, we have a routine going, we've been able to make all our bills...what's up with that?! lol

I saw an add last night for cheap airfare from out local airport to Orlando! So of course I'm thinking about a Disney getaway again. :D Can't officially plan anything until all this court stuff is over with but I swear, somehow, I'm getting there this year! :D

Okay, off to write. :D I figured out this morning how to get myself out of the corner I wrote myself into two days ago. Yippee! :D

[hollie]

i hope it goes well for you in court i'll keep my fingers crossed for you

[Dani]

Good luck with court sweetie!! I'm still praying for y'all. HugMe

I can't believe that the old landlord is trying to stick you with that after all that you and Dale did, but I hope it all gets straightened out soon.

[CharmedGirl]

Good luck with court Sam. Hope everything goes well.

[Samantha Lucas]

Thanks!

I'm trying not to think about it much, because we just have no way of knowing how it will go. We haven't even heard from their mom for about a month, we're sort of hoping she just won't show up. :D

[Samantha Lucas]

This has been the LONGEST WEEK OF MY LIFE!

Dale got a job, two actually, so he's been gone all week. So for starters, the man I've spent every waking hour with, every day for the past seven months, I'm now lucky to see for three conscious hours before he crashes. Add to that, his oldest seems to have decided to see exactly how much flexibility there is in the boundaries when daddy's not here. And the youngest followed suit. :err:

I haven't given two kids into so much trouble in all my life! And thing is, when they get in trouble, their dad's punishment is to write sentences (which I love btw, wish I'd thought of that when my kids were little) anyway, his kids HATE this, and Wednesday for example, were given sentences to do at 11am (30 sentences along the lines of I will not hit my brother) and when their dad got home at 7pm, they were still sitting at the table trying to bribe me into grounding them instead! :hissyfit:

New rules were created that night. Hopefully I will never again have another day like Wednesday. sigh

I'm one of those people who looks beneath a symptom to try and figure out the real problem, and I think what I've figured out about Dale's boys, is the oldest is a bit of a narcissist, go figure, his mother is queen narcissist, and the youngest has absolutely no impulse control. He gets mad, he starts pounding his brother, end of story.

The way I see it, and as I was told at least four times this week, at their moms house, the oldest was allowed to do anything he wanted, anytime he wanted. Last night he threw a fit at bedtime and told us all he wasn't going to talk to anyone ever again until his bedtime was abolished and he could stay up as late as he wanted. :right:

I'm seriously drained, but last night, after everyone went to bed, I stayed up till 4am writing! :D It was wonderful! Of course not helping the walking zombie thing I've got going on today, but I wrote! :D

So as we begin week two with no Dale, I'm hoping and praying things go smoother this week, that perhaps the new rules and all that we went through together last week has given us something to build on. I hope. Coz single mom is not a job I've every wanted, envied or desired. I have so much respect for women out there doing that and doing it well. I just never thought I'd be there considering my youngest is 15.

Not a complaint, and I do realize how lucky I am to have Dale and that this is simply another bump, I'm just trying to readjust my thinking. These kids need me and I want to be there for them and help them through all the transitions, but I think I'm going to need to find a way to get some time off for myself, before I burn out. :sofa:

[Dani]

Wow. They must really wanna see how far they can push you since this is all new still.

[Samantha Lucas]

Oh yes, and I'm such a wuss, my best friend says it's a kind heart, but I feel like its being a wus, but anyway, I've spent most of the week so upset, coz I've made them cry! I hate that! :(

One day at a time I suppose we'll all find our way through...I hope! :D

[Samantha Lucas]

I'm making dinner.

Roasted chicken, green beans, corn, fresh biscuits and scalloped potatoes. Not a very healthy meal, not a very complicated meal, but every once in a while, when I'm making dinner, I think give it three years. In three years everyone will certainly be used to everyone else. Z will be 21, AP 18, zachary 13, elijah 12. I'm thinking we'll have switched houses (in case I forgot to mention, my ex has offered to switch houses with us) everyone will be settled, I'll have my garden again, and my deck I always wanted that looks over the woods. I'll either have made it as a writer or made peace with doing it as a hobby, and I'm thinking I may even have been to Disney a time or two by then. Maybe a honeymoon trip and a family trip. :)

I kind of like how three years from now looks. Maybe I should just relax a bit and let time do it's thing. :)

[Dani]

It's not a bad dinner at all. I can't believe that your ex said he'd change houses with you. That's awesome!! I hope all goes well for you.

[Samantha Lucas]

I know! One day Dave and I were standing out back of his place (used to be our place) and I was bemoaning the loss of my garden. He says to me, well why don't we switch? We had a mobile home as well, but it's 3 beds 2 baths and twice the square footage as this one and 20 years newer. :D

It means moving AGAIN :right: but long run, I think it will make tons of difference.

Dale asked me if I thought there would be a lot of baggage for me there, but I really don't think so. I loved it there originally. I love the yard, I had dreams of a deck and a hot tub. LOL I'd love to be able to make all the changes I'd dreamed of, you know?

Anyway, the place needs some work these days because Dave's really neglected it, so we want to get that done before we move. So if this happens, it won't be until mid summer probably, but that could mean by Christmas, we may actually FINALLY be settled. :D

[Samantha Lucas]

I got an email from Mark, my very best friend, last night. Mark has also been going through hell lately. We've been trying to hold each other up as best we can. I swear without him and Kevin, I'd be so lost! Anyway Mark's been seeing a counselor and often, things that come up in his counseling session he shares with me because the emotional component of our situations are very similar. So last night he shared something specific the counselor said...


"Once you get to the point of having most things settled compared to how they were, you will either be very bored because life won't be moving at 100 miles per hour anymore... or you will just be all lethargic and "whatever!" about everything because you won't have anymore capacity."

That's exactly where I'm at! You have no idea how deep that hit. I've been beating myself up something awful because I've become this person who feels so dead inside and so unlike myself and so easily irritated by everything and put out and selfish and so many other horrible things.


Plus I'm having a really tough time with Dale's oldest. As bad as life was for Elijah at his mom's, Zachary was given free reign to do anything he wanted, whenever he wanted. He's a master at pushing his brother's buttons. He told me the other day he thinks it's funny to get his brother in trouble and he doesn't care about anyone else's feelings, just about what he wants. And he didn't say it all bratty, he said it like it was normal and good!

Today I'm struggling because he has a book report that he was given to do about two weeks ago and he hasn't done it. So he was told last night that he had to finish it first thing in the morning before he did anything else.

It's now 1pm est and he's done nothing but trash his room, throw tantrum after tantrum, cry, tell me he wants to watch TV now and do the report later and expects me to say "Oh okay dear, lets do it your way."

I'm thinking OMG are you fucking kidding me? I can't imagine this kind of behavior was tolerated at home, but then I remember that at home, he was essentially never told to do anything. His brother was the one forced to toe the line while Zachary ran wild. So now I'm essentially trying to break a wild horse without breaking his spirit and that's so HUGE.

I'm being more firm with him today than I ever have, because he's pushed me as far as I'm willing to be pushed. I mean I want everyone to be happy and all, but this is ridiculous and I'm not going to have a 9 year old running my home, but it's breaking my heart. The last time he came to me, he tried to explain that ever since he was four, anytime he can't do something, he gives up. He explains this to me so I'll somehow understand this is how he does things, so therefore I should not make him do the book report.

You know, I spend so much of my time lately feeling out of my depth. I was raised religiously so when I married, divorce was never going to be an option. Therefore I never once in all my life even thought about step parenting. I feel quite like someone who's never even seen a pair of skis, being told to ski the Olympic slopes. Completely overwhelmed with no idea where to start. :(

I'm an intelligent, compassionate woman though, I know I can do this, but I think what I learned from Mark's email is that I need to get myself through this first. Once I'm me again, I know I can do about anything I put my mind to. I know how to get information and to implement it.

I can do this, with hope and faith and prayer and support and information...LOL a lot of things, but I can do this. I can make this family work. I can help these boys adjust. I know I can. :)

[Dani]

Wow, I hope you get to switch!

As for the other problem, I'm having a problem with my own son that's similar with what you're going through with Zachary, so I understand what you're going through even though it's my son and not step-son. As to how to handle it I'm not sure because I'm not a step-mom and my step-mom didn't have to make me do anything. My step-dad, however, did have to and if I didn't do what my mom said, and didn't do it when he asked he'd tan my behind and make me do it. LOL!

[Samantha Lucas]

Well that's where we pretty much ended up tonight. :(

I'm sorry your having troubles with your son. Kid stuff is SO hard. Finding that balance between being the pushover and being viewed as the evil step mother keeps me up some nights! I kept thinking today about my youngest. The last tantrum he threw, he was probably six, he used to throw some doozies, but that was my kid and he knew me his whole life and we had a relationship, a history, to lean on. Zachary and I hardly know one another yet, you know?

Elijah was totally different because his mom essentially threw him away so he clung to the closest woman and that was me. lol With Zachary, he still doesn't get that he's here because his mom ditch him too. He thinks (because she told him) that he's here because he wants to be, but today he was of course threatening to run away and go back to his moms. :(

This has to be hard on the poor kid, because believe me every time he gets in trouble for something, which honestly isn't much, but I get told about how at his mom's house he got to do anything he wanted. He's so honest about it all! He tells me how he's lied to his mom to get out of brushing his teeth every night or cleaning his room and she just never bothered to check up on him. If he said he'd done it, that was good enough for her. Well I check. :right:

I just keep reminding myself that nothing worth having comes easy, and this family, is defintely worth having.

[Dani]

Yeah, I totally get what you mean.

[Samantha Lucas]

I see signs of life settling. The storm of yesterday has passed, leaving peace in it's wake. I've written 1300 words already this morning, and with the final court date tomorrow for Dale's custody, the only other big thing on the horizon, is if we switch houses with Dave. Which probably won't happen until summer...could it be I'm going to get my life back??!!!

Tessa's Choice
http://picometer.writertopia.com/words=32603&target=70000

[Dani]

Great news about things being peaceful now. I need some of that at my house. I should say he's calm, but still we're butting heads over school and his lack of wanting to go at all. I'm not sure what's happening since he seems to have a good time while he's there, but he's refusing to go back and won't tell me anything but 'I don't get math and can't go down a book level,' and while that's a concern, it's not a reason to not want to go to school. So I'm at a very big loss at this point.

Good luck tomorrow with court. I hope everything goes smoothly. I'll agree that you're getting your life back after court tomorrow and when you and your ex switch living quarters (just to be on the safe side). LOL!

[Samantha Lucas]

Aww Dani, I'm so sorry. :(

That's SO frustrating! I've been there with my own and you just want to force it, coz after all you're the mom and it's your job to fix it! OMG I hate that place. I'll hold tons of good thoughts for you, and I'm certainly around for a sounding board or a vent if you need. BIG HUGS!

[Samantha Lucas]

It went 90% our way! :jump:


Dale got sole physical AND legal custody!

She agreed to that before they went in front of the judge, so the judge asked her if that was indeed what she wanted, she replied..."Yeah. If he thinks he can do such a better job of raising them than I can, then yeah, he can have them."

Which got several shocked expressions and raised brows. LOL

Then child support came up and she said... "I refuse to pay him any child support." To which the Judge said, "You'll pay if the court orders you to do so. Mr. Blackwelder, would you like child support?" LMAO So of course Dale said yes, thank you sir, and now they go back to court on the 18th of May to decide all that.

Down side, this means he's STILL legally required to pay that 800 a month and OMG we are SO far behind now it's not even funny, but hopefully she'll get told to pay some when they go back and maybe they can take what Dale owes out of that. Who knows, but he hasn't paid anything since he's had both kids, simply because we haven't had it.

Visitation was an issue, we wanted only supervised visitation, she told the judge, "I want to see my kids whenever I feel like it." To which the judge replied, "You can have every 1st, 3rd, and 5th Saturday, from 10am to 7pm, unsupervised."

Plus she can call them any night after 7pm, but no holidays, no overnights, nothing!

All in all it couldn't have gone much better and I can't tell you how settled I feel now. We even made the final commitment to switching places with Dave. It will take about two to three months to actually do it, there's repairs that need made and we all need to recover financially so we can afford moving vans and such LOL, but it looks like the river of life has hit a smooth patch THANK GOD! :clap:

It's so strange because everything just sort of clicked inside me with the judges order. It was like a switch being flipped yesterday. We're a family offically now, Dale and I are even talking wedding dates for real!

:jawdrop:


We've agreed to a wedding here, a honeymoon at Disney, and he's building me a deck as a wedding present with our intials and wedding date carved in it. :wub:


I'm almost afraid to think it, but life is looking really good for the next little while. Like winter is over, here comes the spring!

smilies/champagne3.g

[Samantha Lucas]

I've turned into a total girl! I'm looking up venues and florists and dresses! smilies/aah.gif

After the first half hour of looking, lol, I'm thinking September...here http://www.cpsvp.vt.edu/HSGT/3.html first photo in header shows the gazebo.

What do you think?

[Dani]

WOOHOO!!! I'm so excited for you that everything has gone well! Congratulations!!! :huepfen017: HugMe Bouncy Icon Smilie

[hollie]

:huepfen017: congratulations sweetie the boys should strart to settle now they will still play you up but thats what kids do but it doesn't mean they are unhappy and often means they feel safe letting you see their feelings. just remember they are both going to be hurt how that woman treated them they must trust you if they let you see that even if it does feel like they blame you

[Samantha Lucas]

Thank you both! We're still just so excited. We've had a ton of good news over the past week, it's so strange after such a long hard battle, but wonderful!

And Hollie I know exactly what you mean about the pain the boys will feel. I've had a similar battle with my own mother, so I've often said if there is one thing I hope to give those boys, it's to help them understand before they're 35 (which is when I finally figured it out) that it's her that's messed up, not them!

[CharmedGirl]

Congratulations Samantha. A September wedding would be beautiful.

[Samantha Lucas]

I am SO tired!

We think the move will happen some time in July, so I figured I'd rearrange the place here so it's more functional in the short term, and so in the past couple days I've torn apart the kitchen and living room, put them back together and finished unpacking about a dozen boxes, sorting and getting rid of stuff.

I feel about a million years old! Oh my poor aching muscles. LMAO

[Dani]

Don't work too hard, especially if you're going to be moving in a few months.

[Samantha Lucas]

See that was the point!

I figured since we're moving, I could reorganize the place for temporary living, making things a little smoother, but man I worked myself to death this week.

Then we volunteered to redo the flower beds at the church, which was lovely and I adore gardening and everything, but man I'm STILL sore!!

Plus, I think I have a bone spur on my heel. UGH It's been sore about three weeks, so I was googling things, bone spur seems most likely. LOL I'm a doctor now apparently :)

This week looks to be a long one. I have discovered something that needs to be fixed. It seems that both Dale's boys have learned from their mother that how to do things is agree when told or asked, then just do whatever you want because no one checks.

Well sheesh, now I feel like a danged warden, because I have to check EVERYTHING now. :b

Tonight I found the laundry I'd been giving them all week, rather then folded and put away, stuffed under the bed! Zachary is sneaking TV and flipped out on me tonight because it was bath time.

I swear, this blended family thing is one step forward two steps back. argh!

Then Friday, Dale and I have to be in court to fight our old landlord. OMG he's suing us for two months rent, plus damages, plus labor at $25 an hour, for 5 hours a day, for 5 weeks...is he freaking kidding me!!!???

A heard of elephants couldn't have done THAT much damage. sigh

So like I said, long week ahead, but I imagine I'll survive. LOL

[Samantha Lucas]

Congratulations Samantha. A September wedding would be beautiful.

Thanks!

Dale's thinking early December because then the Christmas decor will be up at WDW, which is true, but I'm liking Sept, because then we can get married outside. That's been a lifelong dream for me. Disney has Christmas decor every year, this is the very LAST time I'm getting married! :D

[Kim Smith]

Maybe late to the party here but congrats on your good news... and try to keep positive through the transitions. You'll look back in a few years and think, what was all the stress about?

[Samantha Lucas]

Maybe late to the party here but congrats on your good news... and try to keep positive through the transitions. You'll look back in a few years and think, what was all the stress about?

Thanks! and I'm SO hoping you're right! I tell myself that all the time, but sometimes I can't quite believe it. LOL

Today I worked their little butts off, and boy do I have a clean house! lmao It's so funny too, because I seriously had them folding laundry, doing dishes, one cleaned the bathroom, the other did their room including vacuuming and I didn't hear a single complaint the whole day! But make them eat vegetables or turn of the TV and the world has come to an end! I'll never figure them out. :right:

I had the trust chat with them today, I told them they'd damaged my trust in them and they'd need to work to get it back. Which essentially meant that for the next little while, I'd be checking ALL their work. I got a good groan out of that. LOL

I'm worried about them though for Saturday, it's their mom's visitation and Dale and I aren't sure which is worse, whether she doesn't show again, or if she does show. Good thoughts and prayers for those boys for Saturday would be much appreciated. I think either way, it's oing to be a rough day . :(

[hollie]

i wish you luck but your right i don't know if it would be better for her to turn up or not

[Dani]

Good luck with it all hon. I'll keep the boys in my prayers cause Lord knows their going to need it.

[Samantha Lucas]

She called them last night and assured them she'd be there. ugh

The upside is that give Dale and I a whole day to ourselves. It's been a LONG time since it's been just the two of us, so that's something, but ugh my stomach is in knots already. I hope it goes okay.

[hollie]

Good Luck sweetie we'll be thinking of you

[Samantha Lucas]

This has been an incredibly long week, but I did it to myself this time. :P

We put both boys on video game/computer/TV restriction. That's been both good and bad. Dale and I decided to do it because they were starting to disregard things they were told to do, or do chores haphazardly because they wanted to get back to TV or video games or whatever.

So I've had this whole week to try and restructure our days. More school work and chores, and they've had to use their imaginations to entertain themselves...oh the horror! LOL

It's been a good thing, but OMG I'm exhausted!

I swear I have no idea when I turned 100, but it apparently happened at some point!

[Samantha Lucas]

I think I'm showing less fear. I'm definitely being more firm, maybe I'm growing confidence that I'm NOT the evil step mom.

Don't get me wrong, I still fall apart behind closed doors, in tears because they got so upset, but I'm SLOWLY starting to see that their reaction is completely out of proportion to what's going on.

I've decided to bring it up at the councelor's next time.

Wish us all luck!!

[Samantha Lucas]

All I'm going to say about the boys first visit with mom is that she told them she'd gotten rid of all their stuff and their dad could just buy them new stuff, and the kids think there's nothing wrong with that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Biting my tongue is becoming my normal mode these days. I think I'm giving myself permanent scars.

[Dani]

I'd have had the court make her give the boys stuff to y'all before hand. She's a cruel mother and I'd tell someone about it. There is no reason that she had to tell them that.

Well, if they had things like TV's, radios, toys and things like that then tell them that they can earn it back by doing what they're told. You and Dale only have to replace the necessities.

[Samantha Lucas]

Dale tried to get the judge to rule on the boys things, but he said he had no authority over property. :(

[Samantha Lucas]

I was so disheartened to hear that Castle was on the chopping block. I haven't enjoyed a show so much in years. The natural chemistry between all the characters on this show is so rare, it's such a special treat. The humor makes the show so watchable and then top it all off with a murder mystery and you have a truly wonderful hour of television.

This show is different from all the other "detective" type shows out there and my oldest and I look forward to it every week. Now to hear it may be canceled, when so many other less quality shows remain on year after year, makes me angry. So I'm not sitting back this time. For what it's worth, there's one more episode Monday night at 10pm after Dancing with the Stars. If you haven't seen it yet, give it a look. If you enjoy it, let ABC know that. You can leave a comment here (http://abc.go.com/site/contactus.html?lid=ABCCOMGlobalFooter&lpos=CONT)

Last week ratings were up, so there is hope. You can follow Save Castle (http://twitter.com/SaveCastle) on Twitter for all the latest news. Also last week both stars were on The Late late Show with Craig Ferguson, their interviews are on my blog (http://samanthalucas.com/blog). I hope this show gets a shot. Last time they canceled my favorite show, it was Moonlight, lets save this one!

[Samantha Lucas]

I've started a new personal blog.

I've had a blog called Introspection for a few years now, but lately I've hesitated posting anything to it. It's probably been months in fact. I started that blog as a vent to help me through my separation and now when I go back to it, I feel a bit like a dingy butterfly trying to fit back into it's cocoon.

So here's the new place Passionate Rambles (http://passionaterambles.blogspot.com/) where I ramble on about life, God, kids, writing, weight and health, or anything that catches my attention. :) Just put up the first post today, so feel free to come on by and say hello!

[Dani]

It's sad that the different networks are taking away good shows. One nice thing is that Moonlight is on the SciFi channel now, so maybe they will be doing a new season since they picked it up. We'll have to see though.

Congrats on the new blog. I feel the same way when I go to mine. I don't post on it for months and then I post a few blogs in a row for a couple of days then nothing again. I don't know why I have it anymore, but I do. I need to start over and revamp it. LOL!

[Samantha Lucas]

I really love blogging, I think because I've always journaled, but the old blog seriously took on a sense of sadness for me and I'm trying very hard to change my attitude and my sense of waiting for the other shoe to drop, so I'm hoping this fresh start will help. :) Plus, since it's not tied so directly to my author self, I can blog more about my spiritual struggles, which was something I just wasn't comfortable blogging about on the old blog.

As for Moonlight, I've heard everyone involved, cast and crew, are all involved in new projects so a new season isn't possible. :( Castle however finished 6th last week, so there's hope and after the way they left us hanging on Monday, I'll hurt someone if it doesn't come back! lol

[Samantha Lucas]

YAY! Looks like Castle was renewed!

Nothing official until Tuesday, but all the blogs are saying it's been picked up. :D I think this is the first time I ever remember a TV thing going my way. LOL

In other news, the boys mother called tonight, tomorrow is her visitation, but supposedly she has to work...because she gets to see her children 18 hours a month and she can't ask for the day off work for it?

I officially give up hoping she shows some form of compassion and worth. :p

[Samantha Lucas]

Dale just got served court papers from his ex, she wants ALL her parental rights taken away. She wants --and this was written in caps on the form and underlined twice-- NO CONTACT AT ALL with her children.

Long run this is fabulous for us, but those poor kids. :(

[hollie]

I bet thats because she thinks if she has no contact and no rights she won't have to pay anything for them.

I don't if i should say congratualtions or give the boys a hug from me so i'll do both

[Samantha Lucas]

Well I had been keeping my mouth shut about this, but she filed on Monday after being charged a $300 a month child support ruling and being arrested for contempt of court. We actually watched her be handcuffed and led off.

We were served the papers today, but she filed them on Monday.

The boys have taken the news rather well so far. It wasn't like she's been a big part of their lives for months anyway, but still, I know what it's like to have your parents not want you, it's never an easy road. :(

[Dani]

I know exactly what that feels like too Samantha. My bio-dad (it's better than what my family and I have called my son's dad...LOL) hasn't had a lot to do with me over the years either. It's like I'm there when he wants me there and not when he doesn't. I always called him the wannabe dad. He's a dad when he wants to be.

Like you said, in the long run the decision will be the best one for the boys, but right now it's going to hurt like hell (even if it isn't showing now) because they are old enough to understand what's happening. In my son's case, he wasn't old enough to know what was going on. I also told his father that he was still welcome to come out to see my son and that wasn't going to change just because he signed the papers to take away his rights (others were putting it into his head that I'd make him stay away).

All I can say is that you and Dale make sure that the boys know that both of you love them and want them (which I'm sure you already do). So congratulations to you and Dale for the news and hugs to the boys (and you) for support.

[Samantha Lucas]

And for today's hurdle...Dale's in the hospital.

Hopefully he'll be out tomorrow, they're keeping him for observation, but man what a day.

[Dani]

What's he in the hospital for? I hope every thing's okay.

[Samantha Lucas]

They checked him in from the ER because he was throwing up blood. They think it may be an ulcer, but they ran a ton of tests and did x-rays and really saw nothing. So he goes back to his regular doctor in three weeks. :(

[Dani]

OMG! That's awful. I hope that it's only an ulcer because that's treatable with out being evasive.

[Samantha Lucas]

You and me both!

My ex actually took me out for lunch and a movie today. I must be in bad shape that he noticed and stepped in! sigh

That's not a reflection on his character, just with the aspergers, noticing things is NOT his strong suit.

[Dani]

That was sweet of him.

[Samantha Lucas]

It was :) He's a good sport coz hanging out together bugs him a lot more than it does me LMAO

We saw Star Trek and it was SO fabulous, I'm taking Dale to see it tonight. :D He's pretending to be all huffy coz I saw it without him. HEE HEE

[Samantha Lucas]

I had a HUGE epiphany this week where my life and family are concerned.

Everyone pretty much knows how I've been struggling something fierce in trying to find footing in my new reality. This past week, I think I had a breakthrough!

I realized I've been expecting Zachary and Elijah to act like 8 and 9 year olds, but really, the more time I spend with them, I realize they're stuck at about 4 and 5. So I've adjusted my expectations and my rules, keeping in mind they have the needs, impulse control and common sense of a 4 and 5 year old and things are going quite a bit smoother!

:smilingsun:

Zachary has even started hugging me. Elijah's always hugged me but about a week ago, Zachary decided he'd "try" it.

I really adore these boys, but it's been so frustrating trying to combine families, help these kids deal with what their mother has done and try and move forward. The boys and I talk a lot and I like that, and by talk I mean about important God and life type things. I've always been that way with my own boys, so it's nice to see it developing with Zachary and Elijah.

Last week we had some drama in the form of spray paint, I won't say more, but while the two boys have been on restriction from everything but chores and school work, I've developed a plan! :deal:

My oldest and I do most of the home schooling and running of the household together. On top of that, he's got college and art and video game creating and I've got my writing and we've been getting nothing done because 98% of our time has been spent redirecting Zachary and Elijah until about 4 in the afternoon when we're both about ready to just be shot and put out of our misery! :needhug:

Granted, the kids have been through hell the past few years and we're working with that, but we needed some kind of plan that would work, so here's what's changed...

We've started working in one hour blocks. I've given the boys each small notepads and if they come up with a question or problem, instead of running to me and Z every five minutes, they write it down. Then once an hour, either Z or I, check in with them, let them use the bathroom (you have no idea how many times Zachary has to run to the bathroom in a day and it's just to get out of whatever he's supposed to be doing) we check their work and answer any questions. Then assign them their work or play time for the next hour and we start all over again.

It seemed ridiculous to me that these kids couldn't even play outside without needing something every couple of minutes, but with the shift in mindset, in stopping to remember they are emotionally only about 4 and 5, we are much better able to meet their needs. Plus we're better able to train them to follow rules.

We've only been working with this new mindset a few days now, but I can already see a remarkable difference. I've even gotten work of my own done! Bouncy Icon Smilie If this continues to work, I should have my current manuscript into my publisher by the end of the month and we may even be able to take on the next family project we're wanting to undertake, a complete nutritional make-over.

:swinging:

[Dani]

That's excellent! Hopefully this works and things run smoother from now on. :huepfen017:

I have to wish you the best of luck with the changing the nutritional makeover. That's probably going to be a hard one for the boys. I tried with my son over the years, but to no avail. He's still very picky, but is getting better with some things.

[Samantha Lucas]

I'm baaaaaaaaaaack... more to follow soon! mwahahahahahaha

[Samantha Lucas]

It's been a very long time since I've written in this thread and SO much has happened to me over the course of the last few years, but where I'm at now, single woman... happily single woman, moved her entire life to Orlando sort of on a whim and is now rebuilding.

I'm making new friends, meeting new men, have discovered the concept of twin flame, and yes I do have one. I'm still writing, trying to lose weight and further challenging and learning about faith and spirituality... oh and I'm embracing my psychic gifts, so if you're looking for a few random rants from a crazy woman on a semi daily basis, this would be the place to come. ;-)

I'll add a post soon to catch y'all up!