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lavagrl
January 7th, 2009, 07:22 PM
I put this in the fantasy section of this, but since it's officially supposed to go here, I'm repasting it. I'm hoping to get more people to post in here by starting one here first. So here it is

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Here is my general query letter that I'm going to be sending out to publishers. If anyone just glancing over it sees something wrong or has a suggestion, I'd appreciate it. And if anyone thinks they would like to be my critique partner, I'd really appreciate it.

My 250,000-word novel, Parata’s Shadows, is a politically charged, character focused urban fantasy that mixes elements of Harry Potter with the Anita Blake series.

Sandry, Izzy, Eric, Michelle, and Cameron are first year students at the university in the pocket reality of Parata where witches repeat every week. Only the best in the university go on to become agents, the police force for Parata, and the Sphinx Order already know that’s what they want to do. When it looks like a rogue vampire is killing people in their city in the real world and the Agency is convinced it’s a normal human killer, they set out to investigate.

When it turns out the serial killer isn’t working alone, the Sphinx start to look deeper. Sandry seeks advice from the mercenary vampire-witch James while flirting with idea of dating him even though he’s on Parata’s top ten most wanted list. After he is hired by the Shadow Organization, a secret group within the Agency itself, to help in kidnapings on Halloween and they pin the entire plot on him, he knows there is a greater plot and uses Sandry to get information to the Agency even while trying to keep her protected and out of the crossfire.

Sandry badgers the Agency for weeks, telling them there is a greater plot, but they ignore her since there’s no evidence to support her claim. When the greatest tragedy in Parata’s history follows, Sandry and her order know they have to do something to stop the Shadows before they kill more and take over Parata.

The students infiltrate the Shadow’s meeting with the help of James, leading Sandry to see the darker side of him she’d only heard about.

When the students go back to Parata, the government says everyone needs to join forces and focus on stopping vampires since they are becoming a nuisance and were working with the Shadows even though there is no proof. Vampires are to be rounded up upon sighting for ‘questioning,’ and the Sphinx start to understand that even their government can not always be trusted. They go on with their studies, vowing to always think for themselves and not fall under the spell of fear.

Nearly a month later, the Sphinx’s end of semester party is crashed by more then one blood-sucker, leading to the battle Sandry always feared, and the ultimate betrayal.

Rife with betrayal and haphazard adventures and flavored with a romance subplot, this novel follows the Sphinx through their first semester at Parata University. As the five struggle to balance Parata and the real world, work and play, and right and wrong, they find that evil really is defined by perceptions, the lines between all things blur, and all they can do is try to stay in the area that at the end of the day makes them the least sick to their stomachs.

This novel is the first in the Order of the Sphinx series, which chronicles the students’ journey through school, love, life, and adventures in alternate realities. I have written the next one and a half books in the series and have general plots for four more.

I've been writing for about two and a half years, I've taken creative writing classes at school and done workshops in those. I'm not shy about telling what needs to be fixed, but I don't tear stories apart.

I would like a partner who likes to trade a few chapters at a time, mostly because I like to double (triple or more, whatever) check my work before I send it out and because mine is so long. I've done a lot of editing so I don't think I'll (or at least I hope I won't) need my partner to fix too much, mostly I'm looking for a soundingboard, someone to tell me if it makes sense, moves too slow, needs more detail in an area, needs a paragraph changed because it just doesn't make sense.

The semester is starting soon so I won't be fast at getting things back, maybe about thirty pages every two weeks or so, I'm honestly not sure how much time my classes will take, and I won't expect my partner to look over more of my stuff then I do of their's.

I'd like someone who likes to read fantasies with romance since that's what mine is. It's rated R for language, violence, and sexual situations. If they also write those kinds of books then all the better, but I'm happy just as long as they enjoy reading them.

If you're interested I can send my prolog and first chapter for you to look at, it's a really long chapter, about forty pages, so you can get a taste of my writing, and then you can say if you want to take the plung and try for the entire thing or not.

JuliaKanno
March 10th, 2012, 10:55 AM
Hi:

I thought I might offer a suggestion about your query letter. You might want to shorten it. Usually, query letters are only 250 -350 words long. Also, it's usually better to start with the character's name, not a general description of the book. There's quite a few sites out there that might help you prune it to perfection. :-) You might want to check out the links on Agent Query DOT com. They have a few sample query letters available to take a look at. Hope this helps! Good luck finding a critique partner. :-)