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    Excellent Jude. I'm delighted you found the...

    Excellent Jude. I'm delighted you found the workshop an enlightening experience.

    Laurie
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    Thank you very much Hannah. I'm delighted to hear...

    Thank you very much Hannah. I'm delighted to hear that you found the notes and mark ups on the exercises to be educational. I think that a lot of what is learned from this particular workshop is...
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    Hi Rusty, I wish you'd found the workshop...

    Hi Rusty,

    I wish you'd found the workshop sooner too...but it is one that I teach frequently in different venues. I expect to teach it again before long...next time probably via the Black Velvet...
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    Thanks Hollie

    Thanks Hollie,

    I am glad it was interesting from a readers point of view as well as only from a writer's point of view. One of the key points of this and all of my workshops really, is that...
  5. You're Welcome Stargazer :)

    You're welcome Stargazer. I'm glad to hear that the material covered was useful to you.

    I know the feeling of running out of time with so many other commitments. It seemed at the outset of the...
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    Wrap Up Deep Point of View Workshop

    I want to take a minute to thank Coffee Time for hosting this workshop and to thank everyone who participated for their participation. I had a great time teaching the workshop. I hope that everyone...
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    Reply Tambra

    Hi Tambra,

    I'm hesitant to give feedback on a piece that is contracted by another publishing company because what I seek for Black Velvet Seductions and what another company might seek for their...
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    Reply Destiny

    Hi Destiny,

    I don't like using red ink. :) Actually, I like red ink fine...but it has bad connotations for a lot of people who remember the college (or elementary, junior high, high school)...
  9. The Original: The Mark Up: ...

    The Original:




    The Mark Up:

    Daylight splintered the murky shadows [Good description], as Queen Lilith hovered above a forest seething with deadly stymphalian birds. She would make a...
  10. Free Saturday Night Editor Chat -- Flawed Characters

    For those who are enjoying the workshop and who would like to extend the experience I thought I would let you know about the weekly author/editor chats I host weekly on Saturday nights at the Black...
  11. The Mark Up: Hi Laurie, I'm not sure if I...

    The Mark Up:

    Hi Laurie,
    I'm not sure if I made the right decision here, but I am submitting the opening paragraphs from a manuscript I am revising. The reason being that the paragraph I already...
  12. Reply Lindajo

    The Mark Up:

    Hearing the car pulling into the driveway, Mary opened up the front door and watched Carrie get out of the passenger side of the vehicle. How dare Carrie [she would work better...
  13. Reply Kelli

    The Mark Up:

    Cami heightened her posture another notch and searched Marios's face, trying to find ...maybe pinpoint the mockery that she sensed in his tone. But he only appeared serious, intent,...
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    Reply Kelli

    The Mark Up:

    "What do you think of this, Cami?" Marios asked her.
    He noted that her face was flushed, her shoulders high and tense looking [you don't need looking...that they look that way is...
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    Reply -- Destiny

    The Original:


    Revised
    Her reflection in the mirror blurred as her eyes filled with tears.
    "Don't you cry over him," she said through gritted teeth. "He is not worth it. Never, ever cry over...
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    Reply - Melanie

    The Original:




    The Mark Up:
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    Reply Meira

    Hi Meira,

    There are a lot of authors that are sticklers about maintaining one point of view throughout a scene or chapter. There are (I suppose, though I don't know any personally) a few editors...
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    Reply Melanie

    The Mark Up:

    The sound of the whistle signaled they were getting ready to dock Carrie shook herself out of the memory and looked around for Simon. [Given the outcome of the paragraph I would like...
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    Reply Lee

    The Mark Up:

    "Quiet! I didn't give you permission to make noise."

    His voice was cold and measured and when she looked up at him, his eyes were cold as well. Those same eyes that were warm, even...
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    Reply Lee

    The Original:




    The Mark Up:

    "Quiet!! [Do not do dual exclamation points. They are frowned upon everywhere I know of.] I didn't give you permission to make noise."
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    Reply Destiny

    The Original:



    The Mark Up:

    Her reflection in the mirror blurred as her eyes filled with tears.
    "Don't you cry over him," she said through gritted teeth with a finger pointed in accusation....
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    Reply Meira

    The Original:



    The Mark Up:

    “What?” Lacey asked indignantly.
    “I think you need to rest and sleep it off.” [Could use a bit of physical description of him here...or as she sees him. What is...
  23. Reply stargazer

    The Original:



    The Mark Up:

    Thank you so much Laurie for your time and effort in helping "us" to learn the subtleties of becoming a successful writer. Your selfless spirit is appreciated!!!...
  24. Reply Meira

    The Original:




    The Mark Up:

    Thanks, Laurie. This is a good workshop. I see you are posting more exercises. :)

    Yes, I tend to post as many exercises as I can conceivably review during a...
  25. Reply Lee

    The Original:




    The Mark Up:

    The explanations of how and what happened when he turned into a vicious person is in the first chapter and boy is he nasty!!! This section is after she has had...
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