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  1. Amber Grosjean's Avatar
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    #4

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    Ok, "looked" is one of those words that can be changed for the same meaning.

    Glance, Peered, Became lost, etc are good choices. Think to yourself how your character looked into someone's eyes. Sometimes that can help determine the right choice. Also combining sentences can avoid the problem altogether.


    Example:
    The window to his soul darted away from her sight; she pulled his face forward so she could become lost in those eyes once more.

    Using the semi colon there will give the reader a chance to get a short pause like the period would but it combines the two sentences together for a shorter pause. Semi colons can become a handy trick in that process of joining two sentences together. Of course, you do have to do it correctly lol. That's why English class is important lol. If you don't do this often, it is a break from trying to have too many sentences. The flow of your words is important and should never appear or sound choppy or forced so let it become natural.


    How are your sentences exactly. Can you share a little of it? Insert the entire paragraph and let's see if we can fix it.


    Amber
    Last edited by Amber Grosjean; March 23rd, 2010 at 03:16 PM. Reason: changed "in" to "is"
    Amber Rigby Grosjean
    http://www.argrosjean.com
    Author of Cursed Blood, Stolen Identity,
    Spawn of the Curse, and Peterson Estate (just released!)
    ___________________________________
    Peterson Estate is now on Amazon!

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