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  1. Kimberlyadkins's Avatar
    Reading: Flesh Fantasy by Maya DeLeina
    Just Finished Reading: White Oleander
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    #1

    Default Description of a Farm-Type Building :)

    Tall, golden strands of grass brushed up against the wood of the ancient building she faced. At some point the planks might have been painted a pristine white but years had washed away the color, leaving behind the sad story of time that only wood can tell.
    Erin gently placed her camera on the tripod and she directed the lens toward the dilapidated structure that stood alone in the abandoned fields. She wondered if her film could capture the glorious tales of the past she could envision with her imagination. What bountiful harvests came through the double doors out front? Which massive machines were housed there during the height of production when farm hands gathered to bring in the crops on time? If a picture is worth a thousand words, she’d have a novel full by the end of the evening.


    Thank you!

    Kimberly
    Kimberly Adkins

    Author, The Medallion of Solaus
    Darkenbane: The Fountain
    Blood Evolution
    Through Ancient Eyes
    Hart's Destiny

    www.kimberlyadkins.com
  2. #2

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    Justin bolted awake with a sneeze and an ungodly urge to itch. He sneezed with force and his eyes slammed closed. His nose itched almost as much as his body, but he couldn’t help but focus on the thousands of tiny needles that stung his bare arms, torso and legs. He scratched at one arm as he opened his eyes again. Upon seeing the hay – his all-time worst allergen – he cursed like a sailor and jumped to his feet.

    It was then he noticed the stench of horse manure. It burned acrid trails though his nostrils. It surrounded him with its suffocating perfume. The nearby neighing and nickering set his nerves on edge. He liked horses about as much as a case of the clap.

    “Shut your traps or I’ll make you into glue!” he bellowed. The high walls and dark recesses of the structure swallowed his threat.

    The horses seemed to snicker at him…
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  3. #3

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    Ms. Yakkity aka Cap'n Anne Buttscar =D,

    I loved your post as well. You did a great job in setting the scene (the images of hay tickling the nose, and the horses laughing was just fabulous!) And anyone whose ever been in a horse barn will DEFINATELY get the reference to the 'perfume'! Personally, I think you have a great sense of what makes a good scene, and Justin's response brings on humor for your reader. Great, great job!
  4. CharmedGirl's Avatar
    Reading: Deadlocked by Charlaine Harris
    Just Finished Reading: Office Affair by Jess Dee
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    #4

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    Gina Jenkins stared, captivated by what she was seeing. At first, she thought her eyes were playing tricks on her. But no, they weren't. Finally her father's dream had become a reality. Standing before her was no longer the old, rustic structure where all the farm machinery once resided. Instead, the dilapidated building looked a million dollars. All pristine with new wooden pailings and freshly painted a rich red.

    As she opened the double doors, several horses whinied, awaiting her to feed them. Which was why she was at the grambel roofed shed at the crack of dawn. A mixture of smells assaulted her nostrils and she sneezed. Damn hay and grains, they'd always had a strange effect on her. And as for the manure, she gagged a little. She'd leave the cleaning of the horse stalls to the farm hands.

    ___________________________
    BEC
  5. #5

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    Ms. CharmedGirl-

    I really like where you are going with this. You've set the scene with descriptors filled with actions: pushing open the doors, the horses making noise. Great job too, making it a new barn that is the result of Gina's father's dream. =D I see conflict already! Good job!
  6. CharmedGirl's Avatar
    Reading: Deadlocked by Charlaine Harris
    Just Finished Reading: Office Affair by Jess Dee
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    #6

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    Thanks so much for the positive comment Cynthia. I'm just sorry that I didn't get a chance to post it until today.

    BTW, I asked Karenne about why we couldn't add a thread. I told her that there was no add thread button and she fixed it.

    ___________________________
    BEC
  7. #7

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    Kimberly, I must say that you have a great eye for detail, and the lines you've written are beautiful. "...leaving behind the sad story of time that only wood can tell." was a particular favorite of mine. I love how you've intergrated your character (Erin) in with this. Fabulous, beautiful job! Definately a story that I'd want to read!
  8. Greysten's Avatar
    Reading: Too busy with writer workshops
    Just Finished Reading: Stories about real life ghost hauntings and TAPS stories that didn;t air.
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    #8

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    Here's the barn assignment - late, but hey! I'm in the middle of packing for a major move! At least I'm making an attempt to keep writing! (*grin/sigh)

    Homework - **** paragraph

    Ford crouched lower, swatting away an angry buzzing insect. From his hidden vantage point, he continued the assessment of the unfamiliar structure. It was rectangular in shape; the high walls supported a massive mental shield which curved upward, arched over to the middle of the building before it sloped to the other side. Connected to the framework stood an odd, cylinder shaped tower with a cone top and no noticeable entryway.

    His closest 'guesstimation' indicated the object in question was a shelter of sorts, used to house an assortment of quadruped mammals, archaic machines powered by fossil fuels and to store dry grasses and grains for consumption.

    Could he find refuge there as well?
    Last edited by Greysten; April 12th, 2010 at 06:48 PM. Reason: misspelled word...

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  9. querida's Avatar
    Reading: Summer (Edith Wharton)
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    #9

    Default (better late than never!)

    Anxious to get her chores finished before the day's light vanished, Tessa hurried outside. She didn't like the dark, but she'd forgotten to clean and put away her father's tack after her ride on Stormy earlier. Pa would be awfully mad if he found the horse's gear untended in the morning, so she forced herself to hurry toward the wood-planked building and ignore the lengthening shadows. She pushed open the sun-bleached door, which elicited a weary creak from its strap hinges, and the earthy smell of hay immediately soothed her. The owl who lived in the loft greeted her with a soft hoot. Her eyes took in Pa's old tractor standing opposite the stalls, as if waiting for tomorrow's work, and she smiled. She loved the peace of this place.
    Debbie
  10. #10

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    There are several things that you bring out in your scene that are so good...and so important for the reader to know. First, we know when the scene takes place (end of the day). Second is that we get a fabulous look into the minds of those involved: Tessa not liking the dark, she's forgetful, Pa's anger. Third, that the place where she is (the barn) is considered peaceful to her.

    I love how you used imagery around your character building to establish the barn-the writing is very clean and precise, which is always important. Especially for flash fiction! ::hint for Gail's exercise::

    This is a very good scene, and one that I think you can make a great story around!

    Love,

    Cyn

    Quote Originally Posted by querida View Post
    Anxious to get her chores finished before the day's light vanished, Tessa hurried outside. She didn't like the dark, but she'd forgotten to clean and put away her father's tack after her ride on Stormy earlier. Pa would be awfully mad if he found the horse's gear untended in the morning, so she forced herself to hurry toward the wood-planked building and ignore the lengthening shadows. She pushed open the sun-bleached door, which elicited a weary creak from its strap hinges, and the earthy smell of hay immediately soothed her. The owl who lived in the loft greeted her with a soft hoot. Her eyes took in Pa's old tractor standing opposite the stalls, as if waiting for tomorrow's work, and she smiled. She loved the peace of this place.
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