OMG! Unexpected, out-of-town in-laws just showed up! Too broke to make mad dash to supermarket, too proud to serve them wieners & beans already planned, too poor entertain them at a restaurant. What to feed them?
Incredibly Delicious Salmon Patties
(Sockeye salmon is the good kind, the most expensive, the red stuff. Pink doesn't cut it. I recommend keeping at least 6 cans on hand at all times.)
For 6 people
1/2 c. onion, finely minced
3 - 8oz. cans sockeye salmon, vertebrae removed
Juice from same
1/2 c. lemon juice
1/4 c. water
1/2 t poultry seasoning
1/2 t salt
1/4 t black pepper
About 1 2/3 c. fine, dry bread crumbs, separated.
In food processor, mince onion. Add salmon and its juice, lemon juice, water & seasonings. Mix well with metal blade until an ugly, sloppy mush is formed. Slowly begin to add bread crumbs, mixing in short bursts until the mush thickens and a wad pressed into the palm of your hand feels firm and when squeezed, doesn't leak much liquid.
Preheat oven to 300 F.
Spread half the remaining crumbs on a large sheet of waxed paper. Form salmon into balls about the size of a tennis ball, setting each one on the spread crumbs as it's made, leaving at least three inches between them. You should have about a dozen when you're done. When all the balls are made, sprinkle them liberally with more crumbs. Spread another sheet of waxed paper on top. Lay a cutting board over them and slowly compress until the patties are about 3/4 of an inch thick. Shake more crumbs over the tops of them, gently flip them over and add more crumbs to the bottoms (Yes! Of course, which are now on top--I say this because I'm used to dictating recipes to my daughters, long distance, on my nickel).
Slide each one gently onto well greased baking sheet, place in oven and bake about 40 minutes. This gives you time to sit down and drink wine with you friends before you cook a big pot of broad egg noodles, rice, or potatoes, make a salad and/or prepare other vegetables.
Serve on a platter garnished with lemon wedges and fresh parsley.
Then, you can call the @#$#@#^ guests to the table and say and it's so nice of you to stop by. Would you like to recharge your cell pone?