Funny #1: Morning Sex

She was in the kitchen preparing to boil eggs for breakfast. He walked
in. She turned and said, 'You've got to make love to me this very
moment.'

His eyes lit up and he thought, 'This is my lucky day.' Not wanting to
lose the moment, he embraced her and then gave it his all, right there
on the kitchen table.

Afterwards she said, 'Thanks,' and returned to the stove. More than a
little puzzled, he asked, 'What was that all about?'

She explained, 'The egg timer's broken.'
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Funny #2: Oh yes she did!

Last night, my wife and I were sitting in the living room and I said
to her,

"I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependant on some
machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the
plug".

She got up and unplugged the TV and threw out my beer.

She's such a bitch.
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Funny #3: Blond Cowboy

The Sheriff in a small town walks out in the street and sees a
blonde cowboy coming down the walk with nothing on but his cowboy
hat, gun, and his boots so he arrests him for indecent exposure.

As he is locking him up, he asks "Why in the world are you dressed
like this?

The Cowboy says, "Well it's like this Sheriff I was in the bar down
the road and this pretty little red head asks me to go out to her
motor home with her. So I did. We go inside and she pulls off her top
and asks me to pull off my shirt ... so I did. Then she pulls off her
skirt and asks me to pull off my pants ... so I did.

Then she pulls off her panties and asks me to pull off my shorts...
so I did. Then she gets on the bed and looks at me kind of sexy and
says, "Now go to town, cowboy... ".

And here I am.