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  1. sjwilling's Avatar
    Reading: Anything I can get my sticky little hands on
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    #1

    Default A Littul Valentine Pome

    As written by a desperate husband....

    Oh My God! It's 6am
    and Valentine's today,
    I forgot the flowers, and the chocs,
    What will my dear wife say?

    But Hark, she sleeps, a-snoring still,
    In day's still gawkish dawn.
    I still have time before she kills
    me on this frosty morn.

    So leap I to our trusty van
    Hands and heart a twitter
    I wish that I were more a man
    but terror gives me jitters.

    Foot down, floored out,
    I drive like one possessed
    And hear a crunch, a mangled shout
    As the van did come to rest.

    "Cain't ya look just where you drive,"
    My neighbor really clamored.
    He stumbled from his ruined car
    Devoid of all his manners

    The twisted wreckages I saw and wept
    Surely naught is done in vain?
    Till down the street my eyes have swept
    And hope will rise again.

    “I’ll call you back,” I turned to run,
    My feet so swift and fleet.
    “I need Valentine presents for my Hun,
    Or my death will not be sweet.”

    Three houses down, and near to boot
    Was Sally and her son
    Where they headed was really moot
    With Valentine’s begun.

    Then, perchance, the neighbors dog
    All caught up in furor
    Got all excited at my jog
    And rocketed through his door.

    With giant leap, and boundless bound
    He jumped the picket fence
    And then proceeded, without a sound
    To chew my butt from thence.

    With flailing hands, and mawkish grin
    I fell upon my face
    Wondering on the mess I’m in
    And blamed the human race.

    “Away, away,” said Sally’s son
    For he’s a brave young soul
    To chase away the canine dun
    That tried to eat me whole

    “Come on, come on, come to the car,”
    Sally dragged me on
    “We must get to "St John’s ER,
    Before his breath is gone.”

    “But mom he’s bitten. Not half dead.”
    Sally’s son decried
    “Be quiet, oh son,” I banged my head
    As I, salvation, spied.

    Seated now, in Sally’s car,
    Head, butt and hands in tatters
    I knew at last we’d traveled far
    To the place that really matters

    Just one more turn and there we’d be
    A store I knew so well
    A florist’s called “Oh, To Be a Bee.”
    Shortly to become my Hell.

    Without a thought Sally began
    To pass right by my haven
    The terror points within me sang
    And I hadn’t even shaven

    “Turn right!” I screamed and right she did,
    Straight through the florist’s door
    With screeching brakes she slid and skid
    and threw me to the floor.

    Two broken legs, a thigh, an arm,
    Maybe a rib or two.
    I didn’t think they’d be much harm
    If I took a rose or few

    And when they came and stretchered me
    I made certain to ask and tell
    The florist I’d make sure and see
    That she’d be paid real well.

    It took an hour, or two, or ten
    For St Johns to splint me up.
    And someone called, I don’t know when
    My dearest Buttercup.

    When my beloved wife arrived
    She just shook her head in sorrow
    “You did all this, and didn’t realize
    That it’s Valentine’s, tomorrow…?”





    S.J.
    Last edited by sjwilling; February 14th, 2009 at 09:14 PM.
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    When I was young I wanted to grow up--instead I became a Writer
    Stories, like love and laughter, are born in the soul

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  2. CharmedGirl's Avatar
    Reading: Deadlocked by Charlaine Harris
    Just Finished Reading: Office Affair by Jess Dee
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    #2

    Default

    Poor husband. All that because of being a day early for Valentine's day.

    ___________________________
    BEC
  3. sjwilling's Avatar
    Reading: Anything I can get my sticky little hands on
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    #3

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by CharmedGirl View Post
    Poor husband. All that because of being a day early for Valentine's day.
    Well he shouldn't have forgotten about it really

    I mean, what worse fate can there be than for a man who forgot to get his wife a valentine pressie

    S.J.
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    When I was young I wanted to grow up--instead I became a Writer
    Stories, like love and laughter, are born in the soul

    PIACT Undercover Agent Series
    OUT NOW! Dante I - Samhain Publishing
    Cyberius III - New Concepts Publishing
    Poseidon VII - Samhain Publishing


    Web Page: www.sjwilling.com
    LiveJournal: http://hundakleptisis.livejournal.com/
    Twitter: https://twitter.com/sjwilling
    Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/sjwilling
  4. CharmedGirl's Avatar
    Reading: Deadlocked by Charlaine Harris
    Just Finished Reading: Office Affair by Jess Dee
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    #4

    Default

    I went out for lunch, got taken to the movies and received flowers.

    ___________________________
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  5. sjwilling's Avatar
    Reading: Anything I can get my sticky little hands on
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    #5

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by CharmedGirl View Post
    I went out for lunch, got taken to the movies and received flowers.
    Now that sounds like a decent valentine of course a few chocolates, diamonds, pearls...

    Hmm nah, now i'm getting greedy.



    S.J.
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    When I was young I wanted to grow up--instead I became a Writer
    Stories, like love and laughter, are born in the soul

    PIACT Undercover Agent Series
    OUT NOW! Dante I - Samhain Publishing
    Cyberius III - New Concepts Publishing
    Poseidon VII - Samhain Publishing


    Web Page: www.sjwilling.com
    LiveJournal: http://hundakleptisis.livejournal.com/
    Twitter: https://twitter.com/sjwilling
    Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/sjwilling
  6. tree220's Avatar
    Reading: Being Dead Is No Excuse: The Official Southern Ladies Guide to Hosting the Perfect Funeral
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    #6

    Default

    I'd be happy if we could just celebrate Valentine's without my mother here with us
  7. CharmedGirl's Avatar
    Reading: Deadlocked by Charlaine Harris
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    #7

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by sjwilling View Post
    Now that sounds like a decent valentine of course a few chocolates, diamonds, pearls...

    Hmm nah, now i'm getting greedy.



    S.J.
    Diamonds and chocolates would have been nice.

    ___________________________
    BEC
  8. Kim Smith's Avatar
    Reading: Revealers, Amanda Marrone
    Just Finished Reading: The Other Queen, Philipa Gregory
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    #8

    Default

    OMG! i do not know how i missed this... excellent!!!
    Crooked Angel, third book in the Shannon Wallace Mysteries coming soon!
    http://www.mkimsmith.com
  9. Super Spify Woman & Bestest Buddy to Karenne
    Dani's Avatar
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    #9

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Kim Smith View Post
    OMG! i do not know how i missed this... excellent!!!
    That's okay Kim, S.J.'s just recently gotten back to posting with us. When he's here though you are sure to have a good laugh. Check out the rest of his area for more funny stuff.
    Dani
    I've decided to use my name on my profile now to make things simple, but I am and always will be THE IrishWolf.
  10. sjwilling's Avatar
    Reading: Anything I can get my sticky little hands on
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    #10

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Kim Smith View Post
    OMG! i do not know how i missed this... excellent!!!
    I typed it in invisible internet script that would magically appear to only those of the same blood type and astrological risings.

    Quote Originally Posted by IrishWolf View Post
    That's okay Kim, S.J.'s just recently gotten back to posting with us. When he's here though you are sure to have a good laugh. Check out the rest of his area for more funny stuff.
    Yep that brit upper thing is still sticking up... yea it is....



    S.J.
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    When I was young I wanted to grow up--instead I became a Writer
    Stories, like love and laughter, are born in the soul

    PIACT Undercover Agent Series
    OUT NOW! Dante I - Samhain Publishing
    Cyberius III - New Concepts Publishing
    Poseidon VII - Samhain Publishing


    Web Page: www.sjwilling.com
    LiveJournal: http://hundakleptisis.livejournal.com/
    Twitter: https://twitter.com/sjwilling
    Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/sjwilling
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